Monday, March 2, 2009

Aunt Cookies

My girl friend of 30 years is pregnant with her first child and I couldn't be happier for her.

I thought and worried that I would resent my friends getting pregnant (ever since I things changed such that I could not get pregnant) and I haven't attended a single baby shower in six years. But I don't resent her and I don't resent my situation. When she told me, my first response was joy. I was just so excited for her to have this experience and for this new person that is already so important to me.

I love children and have been surprised to find myself really attached to friends' babies. When I lost a close friend (to a falling out) a few years ago, it tripled my grief to lose my relationship with her two daughters. I had fantasized about being a great "aunt" to the girls and though I'm not really family, I hoped that they were distracted enough by the many other new things in the life not to feel that I left or abandoned them.

Maybe because my partner and I are continuing to move ever closer to adopting our own child, I'm losing my grief and resentment about my own situation and just getting more excited about the future joys of being a parent that I can share in the excitement of my friends. In any event, I'm happy for my friend and look forward to meeting this new person. And to seeing how my friend of 30 years evolves as a person and a parent in the next 30.

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