Ninety-Ten

First, I have to say that I LOVE that Blogspot has a "create" button instead of a "post" button. I feel more creative already just hitting that button and I'm jazzed to remember that I am a creative being. So, after a brief aside, I'm going to create a clean work space, some dog food, dinner and a clean body. But first, my aside:

A wise friend that I frequently quote here told me that the difference in how men and women communicate can be described by the rule of 90-10:

Men will be 10% sure they are correct about something and speak as though they
are 90% (100%) sure of it; women will be 90% sure of something and speak
as though they are 10% sure.

It wasn't actually men I was pandering to today but women who thought they knew something. Now, I'm not judging them for not knowing, but I don't like that they assume that I don't know. Actually, I do know and yes, vegetables are a great source of soluble fiber. I also don't like that they might be spreading what they don't know around. I find there are 2 ways to go in the face of gross misinformation: a) provide correct information or another way of viewing things or b) let it go. Today I did a little of both. It's just so much easier to share information with someone when they are willing to admit that they aren't exactly sure or that their facts may be wrong. The challenge is to set aside my own feelings in the matter and offer information that may or may not be accepted.

I find that female pattern 90-10'ing give me a lot of benefits:
1. I can admit that I don't know everything - what a relief!
2. I can ask questions that I think I already know the answer to and learn something!
3. I don't roll over other people, aggravate them or patronize them. I get to treat everyone as my teacher.
4. I get to offer information to people rather than tell them.

Male pattern 90-10'ing is rarely as useful. The times I do it the most are the times I think I'm supposed to know the answers to the questions I'm being asked. I become less authentic and less open to learning new things. The opportunity for me and my audience to learn is lost as I stretch what I know to cover the gap or make something up. Yes, if the other party allows that the confidence with which I answer them (a keystone of the male pattern 90-10) means that what I'm saying is true, my pride is assuaged - oh good, I don't have to admit I don't know or that what I just said was actually wrong, but is that worth it? It also just caters to my perfectionist tendencies that I'd like to jettison.

Perfectly Imperfect Birthday

I loved my birthday today. It was wonderful in so many ways, but most (and least!) of all because I just let it happen organically and was prepared for imperfection. This post by Christine Kane (thanks again to KMK for the useful reference!) gave me the idea of an imperfect birthday and in the end, it came out just great! Here's my favorite parts:

• Waking up to the sound of my beloved softly saying "happy birthday honey"
• My mom's delight in receiving the birthday gift I sent her three weeks ago
• Getting flowers at work
• Cooking for myself and A (yum - recipe to follow!)
• Staying home
• Getting to do whatever I want
• Not having to eat over-frosted cake (or cake at all!)
• Getting incredibly thoughtful gifts, including: a raw uncook book, a massage and the knowing that my partner does sometimes read my blog (and enjoys it)!

All in all, I think it's been a very insight provoking and self-empowering birthday. Yeah, 32!

Every Friggin Day

My friends from DC were here since Wednesday and I spent every evening with them. Wednesday night, we met for dinner and planned to see a show. When showtime turned out to be 11 instead of 9, we all admitted that the show was just a great way to choose the venue and we were there for the company anyways. Thursday, I went to a game night to see them and was disappointed that I didn't get them all to myself, but practiced my sharing skills and eventually got to play with my friends again. Friday, typical date night, we had dinner and a movie. Delicious middle eastern food and Burn After Reading. And, finally, Saturday, visits to my and E's shops and some rice pudding, hugs and tears as we said goodbye. I had told them I was keeping my schedule open to spend as much time as possible with them while they were here, but never expected it to work out that way.

It was wonderful to spend some time with them, but I definitely was feeling my routine blown a bit. Yesterday, I came home after work and got several hours to putz around the house before meeting them and that was great. So now I find myself wondering about things I do every day and things I don't. I recently set a goal to take and post (to a different site) one photograph every day. My first day was easy, that was the day I set the goal and the goal came after the first photo which was really cool and jumped out at me on its own. The second day, no photo, but I posted one on the third day and pre-dated it the second day. Since then (4 days later), no photos taken or posted. Maybe that has something to do with how I did spend the last 4 days, but I also think it's a goal-setting issue that I have.

I set high goals - realistically or not - of doing certain things perfectly. Post a photo everyday, and make sure it's a good one. Give up soda pop everyday for a month. Do X, Y or Z consistently or everyday. When I miss a day or mess up, I have trouble continuing - this, of course, is the curse of perfectionism. One can't actually live up to the perfectionist ideal that exists only in our heads, so we do nothing. I think that's one reason I actually blog so much - it's easy to blog everyday or regularly because I don't consider this a priority, I don't try to write anything particularly deep or well, and I don't feel obligated either way to write or not write. It's just something fun for fun.

I think goals are important and wouldn't want to be without goals, but I think this is worth thinking about some more. Perhaps I would do better with hobbie-related goals that are about attaining a skill or skill level or trying something new rather than about consistency, especially since my schedule is so packed with work. So, my modified photography goals is to take and post photos on that other site from time to time. And my modified fun goal is to have some, every day. Oops, I did it again.