Board Exams Passed

$300 Exam Fee - first time around ($300)
$300 Exam Fee - second time around ($600)
$180 Practice Test Website Subscription Fee ($780)
$55 Practive Test Website Subscription Extension Fee ($835)
$15 iPhone Practice Test Application ($850)
$65 Hypnosis Session ($915)
+ Supplements for Brain Function ($925)
+ Coffee and food while studying out and about ($950)

Passing My Final Board Exam: Priceless

Squirrely Day

I started my day with a "meeting" which could really have been a 5-10 minute phone conversation and a hand off. It was also social, though. Not sure how I feel about that since I'm trying to keep my social obligations nil this week.

Keeping social obligations nil this week, because I'm studying hard for my last board exam. I just worked for 2.5 hours straight then broke for a late lunch and after this post, I'm back at the books for another 2.5 hours.

A misheard me Sunday night when I told him and some other friends that I wouldn't be out much (socially) this week due to my exam next Tuesday. Somehow he heard me say that I had an event at the Siam Society this Tuesday and we went around and around for hours before we figured that out, because I swore that I didn't know anything about an event at the Siam Society.

The CSA weighs on my mind. I haven't been blogging what we get because I just don't know. I haven't been keeping up with knowing what we get or doing anything with it. I know we get lettuce every week and I think that two grown salad-eating adults with healthy appetites should be able to get through a head of lettuce every week, but I've had to start giving it away. I'm making pickles and sauerkraut this weekend (and freezing green beans) to try not to lose everything. We also got a beautiful eggplant, with which I look forward to making rawvioli.

So, it's back to the books now for me and the window out of which I hope to spy the little squirrel that I watched rolling around in the dirt while I ate my lunch. I grabbed take-out and drove back to the library, parked in the shade and listened to my book on CD while I ate. He was little and really cute and I wished I had a video camera to film his adorable antics. That and some food will have to sustain me a couple more hours while I finish my studying for today.

The Best Intentions

Ugh. Best intentions to get some studying done today. The very best, but here I sit at the cafe paralyzed. I've got my computer (maybe that's a mistake as it provides such ripe opportunity for procrastination), I've got my books and I've got myriad rude people around me answering their cell phones and having stupid and loud conversations that I care nothing about. What I don't have is 1. a plan, 2. a pen or pencil, 3. scrap paper/notebook or 4. a subscription to the practice test website that I should probably get.

As stated, I have the best of intentions, but it's hard to spend money I don't have to subscribe to this practice test website even though it comes highly recommended. And tomorrow is the free day again - they host a free day 1x per month so you can test out the site and see if you like it. For good or ill, it's always a Tuesday which means it's always a day I work at my clinic - when I first heard about this free day, I scheduled it into the calendar, but still had too much going on at work to use the site. When I finally got home, I forgot all about it.

Tomorrow I have a patient coming in, bills and book keeping to catch up on and a dog date immediately after work, so I'm not sure how well that's going to work out - even so, I'm not going to sign up today if tomorrow is free anyways. Stubborn - I have the best of intentions and I'm stubborn. Meeting A in about an hour and planning to help him with his interview prep and presentation - have been inspired by his focus and hard work, but inspiration does not seem to equal my getting anything done...

Okay, once more into the fray...if I can't get to my studies, at least I can get my personal bills caught up.

Sunday Intentions

I'm tired.

I didn't get enough sleep last night. Was out celebrating A's birthday early.

I didn't get enough sleep the night before. Was out helping a friend move (okay, watching A help a friend move) and playing Rock Band.

I am tired, but I'm still setting my intention to get a few things done this evening after work. When I start having Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday off from my market job (in 2 weeks), there is a very real risk that I will start Monday with a thorough house cleaning. Risk, because this is valuable time to get started on clinic projects and board studying and I don't want to be distracted by house work. So, I'm setting my intention to work with A to get our house picked up by Sunday evenings. Not just tonight, but every week.

When I first moved in, A cleaned the house thoroughly every weekend and I kept it picked up through the week, but we've fallen out of that habit and sometimes the dishes get pretty stacked up. No more. My intention for Sunday evenings is to:

• Wash and put away all dishes, clean kitchen
• Pick up bathroom and wipe everything down
• Change sheets and vacuum bedroom
• Pick up and organize office
• Put away clothes (also in office and huge deterrent to working in there!)
• Come up with a general outline for meals for the week
  

I'm hoping that with A's help, this will go fairly quickly and that if we do it every week, each week will require slightly less work. For example, if I put my clothes away every Sunday, there won't be 2 weeks worth of clean and dirty, tried on and discarded clothing to launder and/or put away every time. For that matter, the more things I try on and discard, the more my Goodwill bag should fill up!

I was just depressed to look around my office and see my study materials (which are currently on a folding table set up in an "L" with my desk for spread-out-ability) covered by misc other books, clothing and brick-a-brack, both my desk chair and my comfy chair buried in clothes, and both kitchen sinks full of dirty dishes, despite the 2 loads I ran in the dishwasher on Friday. (Luckily, two full sinks doesn't actually fill up the dishwasher, so empty and reload means done and done quickly tonight!)

This is all part of the Schedule Board Study Time plan - it's partly distraction, but also partly distraction avoidance. Will let you know how it goes.

Another One of Those Weeks

It's another one of those weeks when I'm feeling swamped and like I keep thinking "I want to blog about that" and can't remember what it was a second later.

Even though I'm feeling swamped, I still feel pretty good. I'm beginning to realize that once I finish my board exam, this is what life could be like. I could have two days off per week to just mess about and recuperate. I could have my evenings free to do whatever I want. I could have energy to mess about and do whatever I want.

Right now it feels like adding studying for my final board exam always puts me over the edge. Just adding that one thing (which is really hours of that one thing) overtips my schedule and my energy such that I become whiny, bitchy, needy and overwrought. Watching A study for his certification exams has been somewhat inspiring, though, and I want to get back on that train.

I'm thinking I need to schedule in my study times again, in small blocks, almost every day. If I can take 1 practice test each evening and study for a good block on each of my days off or days that I get off work early, I think I could be ready in a couple of months. I guess if I can schedule in the gym, I can schedule in my studying.

Maybe just need to take a few of those Rock Band and Wii events off the calendar for a while. :)

Something to Report

From my To-Do list on Sunday, I have accomplished a few things:

• mail ear seeds to brother
• mail donation to alma matter
• study for board exams
• collect gas receipts from car

and most importantly: rock board exams!
Yes, I passed my exam today. One more to take in two weeks. Wish me luck!

New Goals Program: Three A Day, My Way!

I'm developing a new goals program. Since I can't remember a lot of things and rely heavily on my computer for keeping a task list, I sometimes get overzealous in my list and then end up doing nothing. To help simplify my desire to get things done, for a while I told myself I only had to accomplish three things in a day. It didn't matter what they were, but accomplishing three things that I had set out to do was enough. For a while, this program really worked for me and I felt like I was making progress on my to-do's.

I decided today to reinstate the three-a-day program with a twist. The twist is that I'm going to set the three daily goals a week at a time and they are going to be project oriented. For this week, for example, my projects are 1. thesis, 2. boards and 3. life. These are all areas in which I would like to see some progression. So I have set goals relating to these three areas for each day of the week. In the life area, my daily goal is just to accomplish 1 thing from my ongoing to-do list. If I accomplish more than 1 in a day, that's gravy, but it doesn't count towards the next day. In thesis and boards, I'm breaking down my writing and studying into small manageable chunks so that I'm not overwhelmed to start and so that I'm working a little everyday instead of cramming once a week on my day off.

Bragging Rights

So the clouds are lifting...as is the moratorium on blogging and other "non-essential" computer works. Naturopathic board exams are 2/3 completed and I'm feeling pretty good. Immediately after the exams, I sometimes feel a little small, but it's also a bit unfair for me to assess every question that I know (and that I know I know - i.e., I know I'm right) as being too easy for the exam. Today I also took a state test which allows one reference book and I feel like I aced that one. Only 3 questions still stumped me at the end and they were the ones everyone was asking about. As this is more reflective of how things will likely be in practice, I feel stronger already.

I don't feel that it's appropriate to brag (or hope?) out loud amongst friends, but here, let me say that there is a chance that I may pass these board exams. Passing means I do not have to retake them in February at a cost of $750 and that I can be licensed in 2007 or 2008 at my pleasure.

Acupuncture boards and thesis still looming, but this will be dealt with after wrapping these boards and moving.

14 Days Until Boards - New Strategy

National board exams are 14 days away. I have two weeks to review the information I've spent the last seven years studying and practicing. After meeting with my doctor yesterday, I have a new outlook. She was sympathetic and inspiring - she reminds me that boards are a hoop we all jump through. She told me she knew friends who didn't study or studied very little and that some passed and some failed, but those who failed turned the experience into something positive and used it to their advantage. She was also very supportive of my decision not to pursue the residency opportunity that I've been offered.

So, the new plan: FOCUS for 5 hours every day. I'm even including Saturday and Sunday in that, since I have so few days. That means a few sacrifices in the next two weeks, but then I can enter my examinations with a little more confidence and can give up the guilt afterwards while I await my results. Not sure what I'll do after that when I have to finish my acupuncture boards and masters thesis, but I might just give myself the rest of August to be study free and schedule my next boards at the end of September. I'm thinking out loud a little here, but that sounds like a great plan. Then I can spend my days kayaking around Portland!

Depression?

I think I'm depressed now that school's out. My friend, The Hypnotist, pointed out that finishing school is like losing your job, your community, your partner, your parents and your children all at once. Okay, he didn't say all that, but that's what I got from what he said and that's what I feel like. I feel totally adrift, without schedule, responsibility, commitment or motivation. That's not totally true, because I do get up every morning to go to my taiji class, I work most evenings, I still have lots of friends who are available if I want to play and a partner who is crazy about me - and I do mean crazy, because I wouldn't want to spend that much time with me right now and he still can't get enough. At any rate, I'm struggling because I really don't want to do anything.

I'd like to get out on the river and keep paddling, upstream or down is all the same to me. During my camping trip this weekend, I reminded myself of my mother - always moving, always doing something, always working on the next thing. I just couldn't relax. It's the opposite now that I'm home - I have all this studying to do and I just can't start. I lay in bed eating junk food, drinking Pepsi and watching movies. When I start cleaning the house, I'm able to get a lot done and I think I could clean and reorganize the whole garage in a couple hours if I didn't feel too guilty to take that time away from studying. I can whittle away a whole afternoon if I don't make it too obvious to myself that I'm avoiding my books. I have an appointment with my doctor today and I'm going to pursue medical leave from my boards. It may not be wise, but I also don't think it's wise to go into them without having touched a book.

Regarding friends, I also have this strange feeling about my friends. I've actually written down "call ___" and "make plans with ___" in my task list on my planner. I feel like there is something seriously wrong when plans with friends become a task to complete or accomplish. I recently learned that a good friend is likely moving to Chicago soon and I just felt like closing the circle even more closely to avoid losing friends that way. I feel like I have too many friends (acquaintances) such that my priorities have become unclear - the people I really want to see and spend time with are getting lost in the shuffle.

The final contributor to my disquiet is that I still haven't heard from my birth-father about graduation. I called on fathers day a week before graduation and he said he was proud of me, but didn't say anything about coming (which was a relief because I didn't really want him here), but neither did he send a card or gift. It's not materialism that makes this disappointing, either. It's just the lack of investment that we have in one another. I don't necessarily want to be closer, but I suppose I want him to want to be closer. Not fair, I guess, but I'm the one suffering for it.