Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Tired of Being Tired

I'm 30 years old and I've been in school for 26 years, excepting summer vacations (for most of that time) and 1 year after undergrad when I didn't know what to do. I've been tired for at least the last three years, although I remember getting sent home during undergrad because of "acute fatigue" where I was almost falling down after walking across campus to school. (I fell asleep in all my classes then. Incidentally, all the mono tests came back negative, but I'm not sure they ever tested me for anemia or thyroid problems.)

I haven't been sleeping well...maybe the heat, maybe wanting A beside me, maybe just being jazzed up from getting off work at 11...and I've been tired most of the day every day...maybe the heat, maybe boredom, maybe procrastination. And I'm tired of feeling tired.

I do all this stuff to make myself more healthy, but I still don't feel strong because I'm always tired. I get up at 6:30 to take the dog out and often don't go back to bed. This week (and the next two) I won't be going back to bed, because I'm taking a 7am Taiji (yes, that's Tai Chi - see How to Read Chinese) class.

Today and Thursday I also see my personal trainer. Since it's been awhile since I trained or took measurements, I got weighed and measured today and low-and-behold I'm up in almost all areas (except my neck, which is two inches smaller than when I started - how's that for interesting?). When I mentioned that I might not buy another training package ($619 for 10 sessions!), he gave me an assignment to write down the top 5 advantages I get from training. I can see where this is going, but I also feel like doing an hour and half of Taiji in the tranquil park setting was more beneficial to my energy than spending an hour pumping iron until my back and legs are screaming for mercy. I don't need a trainer breathing down my two-inch thinner neck to keep me on my cardio, either, especially in summer with options such as kayaking, hiking, rollerblading and cycling. My chiropractor recommends resistance training 6 months a year only, so maybe I'll take the rest of the summer off and re-evaluate then.

And my job - I asked for this wacky schedule where I get off at 10:30-11pm every evening. I thought having my days free would help me study, but unfortunately I'm still not getting anything done, because I spend most of my morning working out, eating then recovering from both of the above. Not sure if this is serving me. Finally, I have been offered a residency for the fall. It's about 50 hours per week and not very well compensated. It's a return to the school environment and a delay in starting my private practice. And I feel like it's going to make and keep me...ding, ding...tired!

I think I need to reinstate my priorities - health, happy home, financial stability and professional success - in that order.

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