After talking with some friends about blogging and the Internet, I'm shy to post very personal thoughts and feelings...knowing that nothing is as anonymous as I like to pretend. On the other hand, I'm not posting anything that I would be ashamed to admit to. Just a preface, I guess, to indicate that this one is challenging.
A QiGong Master told his student that anyone wasting another person's time is killing him - because he is taking time away from another person's life. When I think about using up the finite time available in my own or another person's life, it changes the concept significantly. I want every moment to be lived to it's fullest, which doesn't mean extreme sporting or peak experiences, but rather with that concept of authenticity, presence and awareness. Even negative experiences or the tension of not-knowing can fill the moment. Playing Table Topics the other day, I couldn't recall a single peak experience that I would want to re-live, but I easily remembered the hardest thing I'd ever done because I was so present in that moment. This is the root of Daoism and probably best explains why I have the kanji for Dao tattooed prominently on my arm.
So today, talking about relationships and discontent, my friend came up with this idea: A boyfriend/girlfriend needs to make up for the other men/women their partner is choosing not to be with. I hesitate to even write it that way, because "make up for" sounds not quite right, but in the interest of getting this down, I'm going to let it stand as written.
My mind is reeling from the possibilities and I recall a Buddhist wedding I attended. The Buddhist's did not vow "to have and to hold until death do us part," but did exchange vows including a vow from the husband to keep the woman's makeup and jewelry boxes stocked. The explanation was that the husband would always value the woman and want to adorn her and that the woman would always want to adorn herself for her loving husband. It was really beautiful and touching and I've always remembered that. The above concept, in both forms, really means to me just that we should value our lover/partner and recognize and value that they choose us. And kick the asshole to the curb if he's killing you by wasting your precious time.