For the past several days (which really amounts to the past four years if I'm being honest), I've been doling out advice in the form of declarative statements and strong directives to a particular friend of mine. Apparently, I can see clearly where all her mis-steps and errors of judgement lie. I know exactly what she should have said, how she could have dressed and what she definitely should not have done that night after midnight margaritas, but I can't imagine how I've possibly ever hurt a friend's feelings, offended a lover or what could possibly be the reason my jeans are tighter today than they were last week.
This week, my great advice was not to worry about looking foolish and to just have fun! Have fun. Don't worry about looking foolish. Somehow I heard those words amongst the other gibberish that I rushed out just to finish the conversation so I could hang up and go to bed, and they've haunted me all week.
I had a residency interview Wednesday morning. An important interview for a job I'm really excited about. An interview that only my boyfriend, my mom and my housemate knew about. I couldn't possibly tell anyone about it because if they know that I aspire or that I care about getting this position and then I don't get it, how will that look? Foolish? Would I consider someone foolish if they don't get a job they apply for? Probably not, but that's what I imagine other's would think of me.
I have two more interviews for other positions, and I found myself idealistically hoping that I'll get offers for all three positions so that I can choose. I even made a pros and cons list. Then I somehow decided that I would be lucky to get even a single offer. That's how to never look foolish - just don't hope, don't aspire, don't be idealistic or optimistic.
I guess that's why the fool card always comes up in my tarot readings.