I've stayed in various of my homes alone for different lengths of time, but I've only lived alone twice. Once for about four months and once for one year. I LOVED it both times. My housemate is out of town this week from Thursday thru Sunday. I got home last night and immediately started preparing dinner for my boyfriend's imminent arrival, so I don't think I got the full flavor that I was coming home to an empty house.
The words "empty house" seem to have such a negative connotation, but I am thrilled by them. I love that my dog is waiting just for me. I love that everything is in the same place I left it. I love that there is no one to blame this mess on. Even when it's scary or lonely, I love living alone. I've been so anxious in my relationship to move it to the next level (i.e., moving in together), that I forgot that there is this whole other way of living that I'm actually not done with. I want to live alone again. Moreover, I want to live alone with means. The last time I lived alone, I lost my job and had to sell my car and nearly my body on the street just to pay my rent. What a different experience it will be to live alone as a professional working normal hours and making a living wage.
I want to have a fabulous home and fill it with things that I love. I want people to really get a sense of who I am when they walk into my space. I want to entertain and invite people into my sacred space who really deserve to be there.
I want to come home at the end of a long day at the end of a long week, kick my shoes off and not shower for three days while I consume the entire contents of my fridge and catch up on my favorite TV shoes on Tivo. I want to get Tivo! I am not only not ready to move in with my partner, I am ready to move out from my housemate. I'm ready to be a single mom of my rowdy three year old [dog] and I'm ready to unapologetically create the life I want to live. I'm ready to figure out what I want my life to be like without compromises for financial or interpersonal reasons.
But I'm not ready to do all that until after I take my board exams! Til then, I'm going to snuggle into my roommate's couch and try to enjoy all the benefits of living with her. She's a fabulous 'wife' and 'mother' and I'm grateful for her, too!