Friday, April 20, 2007

I <3 Living Alone

I've stayed in various of my homes alone for different lengths of time, but I've only lived alone twice. Once for about four months and once for one year. I LOVED it both times. My housemate is out of town this week from Thursday thru Sunday. I got home last night and immediately started preparing dinner for my boyfriend's imminent arrival, so I don't think I got the full flavor that I was coming home to an empty house.

The words "empty house" seem to have such a negative connotation, but I am thrilled by them. I love that my dog is waiting just for me. I love that everything is in the same place I left it. I love that there is no one to blame this mess on. Even when it's scary or lonely, I love living alone. I've been so anxious in my relationship to move it to the next level (i.e., moving in together), that I forgot that there is this whole other way of living that I'm actually not done with. I want to live alone again. Moreover, I want to live alone with means. The last time I lived alone, I lost my job and had to sell my car and nearly my body on the street just to pay my rent. What a different experience it will be to live alone as a professional working normal hours and making a living wage.

I want to have a fabulous home and fill it with things that I love. I want people to really get a sense of who I am when they walk into my space. I want to entertain and invite people into my sacred space who really deserve to be there.

I want to come home at the end of a long day at the end of a long week, kick my shoes off and not shower for three days while I consume the entire contents of my fridge and catch up on my favorite TV shoes on Tivo. I want to get Tivo! I am not only not ready to move in with my partner, I am ready to move out from my housemate. I'm ready to be a single mom of my rowdy three year old [dog] and I'm ready to unapologetically create the life I want to live. I'm ready to figure out what I want my life to be like without compromises for financial or interpersonal reasons.

But I'm not ready to do all that until after I take my board exams! Til then, I'm going to snuggle into my roommate's couch and try to enjoy all the benefits of living with her. She's a fabulous 'wife' and 'mother' and I'm grateful for her, too!

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