Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Low Point

I think I hit the low point yesterday. I was so frustrated and down that I had a big crying jag - my Chinese professors were always saying that is the best way to get feeling better quickly. It releases the pent up emotions so that you are able to look at things another way. That certainly proved true for me.

I was frustrated that :
  • I'd let my boundaries go several times with the same people (not that it would be better if they were different people, but especially frustrating when it's the same people)
  • I didn't feel like I was accomplishing much even though I was working really hard
  • Feeling unappreciated
  • Exhausted
  • Dirty house
  • No clothes (that fit my body or my job)
  • Feeling pressured
  • Feeling like a bad dog mom
  • Eating crap despite a fridge full of veggies and overdrawing my acct to buy groceries
  • Etc., etc., etc.

After the crying jag in which A provided exactly the support I needed ('yeah, that guy's a jerk' and 'it'll be okay'), E provided some valuable mirroring. She reminded me that:

People spend their health trying to accumulate wealth and

then spend their wealth trying to attain health.

(And then it's often too late.)

I'm not doing myself, my patients or my partners (not to mention my family and friends for whom I also want to be the happiest and healthiest me I can be) any favors by letting myself go and being constantly stressed out and overworked. In addition, it's all about attitude - when I dropped my emotional attachment to saying 'yes' to every work task that is put before me (only possible after the crying jag), I was able to look at things more objectively and just think to myself, 'no, I'm not able to do that' and 'yes, I can do that for 1 hour.' Now I just have to speak those words aloud and carry this attitude shift with me.

Today's a new day, though, and even though I said yes, I put limits on it. And I'm taking the time to make myself a healthy and delicious lunch. And I am keeping my friend-date to celebrate my buddy's birthday. And then I'm coming home and sleeping early, because 4am is an unhealthy time to have been awake today!

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