Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Day 3: What part of vegan, gluten free, no coffee do I not understand?!

I just had a yummy breakfast of eggs with veggie sausage (did you know TVP is made with gluten?!) and broccoli, aged cheddar and toast...with coffee to wash it all down.  I guess one could say I'm not on a cleanse, but I almost think battling this daily IS the cleanse.  Dealing with the decision again and again, deciding to feel guilty or not because this is really my choice and then there is all the internal cleansing going on.  Emotional venting, cleaning out the hairball from my recent visit with my in-laws and then practically, I've just gone through all my husbands clothes and pulled out about 1/2 his wardrobe that can be donated, much of it never worn.

Yes, that's not my stuff that I'm clutter clearing, but his stuff is literally and physically in the way of my accessing my stuff.  He's bought so many new golf shirts lately that are still in their packaging that he was overwhelmed to put away his laundry.  Well, combine new clothes, clean clothes, dirty clothes, recent travel and new furniture and the need to decide where everything goes and he was overwhelmed.  So in addition to clearing family clutter, I also provided a loving service to my husband.

If you doubt that, just know this, there are three tasks that my husband does in the house that I don't do. Ever. He cleans out the drains, he mows the lawn and he does his own laundry.  I love being a good wifey and am happy to cook and clean for my husband even after working just as long and sometimes longer hours than him. He's the major bread winner for our family, so if reducing his stress when he comes home by him not having that many chores to attend to helps him focus at work, so be it.  But there is something about handling my husbands dirty laundry that strikes me as a bit too subservient.  Maybe it's the disdain I've always held for people who came to college not knowing how to run a load of laundry, maybe it's the stereotype of wives and mothers doing laundry for their kids and men, maybe it's the possibility that I might see stains on his clothing that I'm not interesting in any event, since we started living together, that's always been my rule.  I've only broken it once before, and though I can't remember the circumstances right now, I think it they were special circumstances and that I ended up running our laundry together just to speed up the process.  In any event, I didn't just clean out his closet - I also did his laundry.  That's twice.  In a marriage of 2 years and relationship of 7.  So yes, it's a loving service to him.

And yes, providing my husband with clean laundry and an organized closet may not be justification for completely breaking with my cleanse (did I mention the many Trader Joe's dark chocolate peanut butter cups I ate yesterday?), but it all comes down to choice.  I am interested in becoming vegan.  I think it might be good for my soul and good for my health.  I don't eat much sugar anyway.  I don't think coffee is the devil and don't have withdrawal symptoms when I stop drinking it.  I think even as good as I am at it, I should still keep trying to eat more fruits and vegetables.  But do I think I need to do this cleanse?  Do I think I need to stick to the arbitrary rules defined by a self-educated woman with her own experience as her primary guide?

In a word, no.

But I committed to my friend that I would do it with her.  And mastery comes from making the same decision over and over again.  So even if I don't necessarily share the passion that THIS is what's going to shake my world in a profound way, I will endeavor each day to make decisions in alignment with this current program.  And if I fall, every day, I will keep getting up, because maybe I'll be surprised and my world will be shaken.  And even if it's not, I will grow from taking on the challenge, even if I just end up thinking about why I didn't stick with it.

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