At a recent social function, I jokingly hollered across the room “Hey, Smiley*, why don’t you fix me up?" The man next to Smiley craned his neck to look at me and hollered back “Why do you need to get fixed up? What are you doing Friday?" Wow! I had a live one – not afraid to put himself out there in the same loud and socially outgoing way that I often do. Though we tried to speak to one another throughout the night, we ended up separated several times in the normal ebb and flow of the evening. At the end of the night, he gave me his number and suggested I call if I wanted to get together. I rang him up a few days later – we had a nice chat and then he suggested I call him next week. In sharing this experience with a male friend, I wondered, is he “just not that into me?" but my friend said that I was really suffering from Passive Man Syndrome, yes, I’ve got a bad case of PMS.
In exploring this idea, it does account for many of my recent dating experiences. Regardless of my behavior, from wantonly throwing myself at my date to coyly following “The Rules," it seems that there are few men who will take the lead in our relationship. I asked some men what is going on and got some interesting responses:
1. Offer sex on the first date – that’ll make them take action.[Yeah, that sounds like the right way to get a guy to call!]
2. Men are afraid of being shot down or thought of as a stalker. [When I kiss a fellow on a date, that’s my way of saying, “hey, I like you, I’d like to go out again." If I don’t want to go out after that, it’s my responsibility to say so. If you keep asking and she keeps evading or saying no (shame on you, girls – we need to be more direct too!), then stop – she’s probably not interested.]
3. Modern culture has emasculated men and they are generally having a hard time.[Whatever, cry me a river, guys! I’m supposed to be financially independent, smart, funny, beautiful with a model thin body with a great front end and booty for miles but still not intimidating. We’re all trying to strike the balance and we all have challenges!]
4. You’re a bitch.[Maybe, but anyone who responded to my inquiry really doesn’t know me well enough to make that call.]
5. Wanna go out?[Yes! I’ve gotten asked out by a few of the guys who gave me opinions – hopefully they’ll be able to keep up this up!]