Today it was my unpleasant task to “break up" with three suitors. As breaking up hard to do, I was not looking forward to it and decided to use the ripping the band aid off approach. Being that one fellow was the Stand Up Guy (See: On Getting Stood Up) who I’ve been seeing for 2 months, another was Cheeky Guy (See: Las Vegas on a Second Date?) with whom I had had one coffee date and the last was someone I had not yet met, but had exchanged emails with and one phone call, you might imagine that I would have used different methods to end each of these “relationships," but no, I dumped them all over email.
Okay, admittedly, I wasn’t really breaking up with Cheeky Guy or the other fellow, but in this day and age of Internet dating, there often is a need to end a relationship before it really begins. Sometimes these things just fizzle and while that might leave one party wondering, if they aren’t interested enough to continue the pursuit, it’s probably better off that way. When my new crush breaks up with me more directly though, it may sting momentarily, but it also allows me to move on. I’ve tried to emulate this method of breaking up.
So, more specifically, my two-monther got a very heartfelt letter about how much I enjoy him and how we’re just looking for different things out of a relationship. Cheeky Guy, who I already technically broke up with, got a curt note asking him to never call me again. And finally, we’re on to my best break up of the day. Neither too gushy nor too bitchy – this could be the Goldilocks perfect of all break ups.
I told him how I enjoyed our conversation, but didn’t think we were a good fit and wished him the best. I didn’t go into detail about how his quoting the Bible and denigrating the Muslims bothered me, but I did site our religious differences as one reason we might not be a match. His response was less than Christian: “Hopefully the Bible is wrong about who “fits" into Heaven. " Does this mean I’m going to Hell or that he hopes I make to Heaven? Frankly, m’darling…