Sunday, March 12, 2006

Friend or Boyfriend? When it Ends Before it Began

So yesterday was my day for breaking up and today was my day for getting broken up with, albeit from a very non-relationship and in a very indirect way. I met this fellow about two months ago at the same time as the Stand Up Guy and have been seeing both of them throughout this time. Things technically hadn’t progressed to more than friendship, but I was definitely interested and hoping for more. The interest seemed mutual until all of the sudden, my “friend" was unavailable and spending all of his time with a new girl on the scene. Now our friendship is awkward, my hopes for he and I are dashed, and having broken up with my other beaus, I’m left with only one date for next week! What’s the best way to handle it when a friend is more than a friend but less than a boyfriend?

A wise man I know identifies the three parts of relationship as friendship, intimacy and sex. I like this trilogy as it easily applies to the object of my unrequited affection – we have friendship down, verbal intimacy is checked off the list, but no physical intimacy yet. Seemed like we were just heading through the stages towards the latter. Maybe things don’t actually progress that linearly or maybe he just got sidetracked when another friendship moved along its parallel track. Regardless of the why’s and what’s of it, this happened and it seems, from my current experience, that there are some things that could make a return to normalcy less strange and painful.

1. Acknowledge that something was going on! It’s crazy making that we - by that I mean, myself, him and the mutual group of friends I share with this fickle fellow – are just pretending that everything should just be the way that it was. We’re all acting as though nothing was going on when I’m pretty sure we’re all in on the score. If we just allowed that “yeah, that was nice, but I’m with her now," we could part ways for a time or just slow down and let our friendship redevelop along this new path.

2. Be clear about the new relationship!While on the subject of being up front, maybe he could just tell me that they’re together now – while I already know this to be the case, he has studiously avoided all references to it in our conversations and since I want it not to be true (it is true), I don’t want to bring it up.

3. Don’t ask me out on your dates!This shouldn’t require much explanation – I never want to be a third wheel, but I especially don’t want to watch someone I dig snogging another person! (Yes, “THEY" asked me to dinner tonight and yes, I declined with regrets due to the need to re-organize the severe disarray in my sock drawer.)

Being a responsible and introspective person, I also want to take responsibility for my own actions. I should probably also just accept the fact that he’s found love elsewhere and move on. Or maybe I should just deck the bitch and steal him back?

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