Sometimes I Should Just Stay Off the Phone

Last night I was totally bossy and bitchy to two of my closest friends. Why does this happen? I'm a pretty nice person, but sometimes things just drive me crazy. It's like I have to be right. And I really believe that I am, but beyond that, I seem to want them to agree that I'm right and they are wrong. I don't know that I want that, but it's the only way to explain this behavior. I get all upset, rant and stop my feet, tantrum and maybe even vent (to a about b and b about a) for what?! Nothing.

A. I don't want to be a person who gets upset easily. Serenity is one of my core values and comes, for me, from peace, tranquility and equanimity. I consciously cultivate equanimity, but it's challenging in the face of ... well, challenge.
Solution: Take 10 deep breaths whenever something disturbs my equanimity and think before reacting.

B. The first thing that got me upset was the most dripping gossip I've ever heard. Really ravishing stuff, really shocking, but something I think was probably to the good. My friend who relayed this information to me took a position on it that I found unexpected and disagreed with. I couldn't just disagree and let it go, though - I had to pontificate until she came around to my point of view. Two things that I have been telling this person she does: 1. plays devil's advocate to a degree that is annoying and 2. let's me (and others) bully her and affect her opinion too much. But her doing the former does not justify me doing the latter and I'm annoyed with myself that I took that opportunity. (As well as the continuous opportunities that I take to tell her that she does and is doing either of the two above things - it's not my job to tell people what I think their problems are.)

Solution: Take 10 deep breaths whenever something disturbs my equanimity and think before reacting.
Solution: Let other people talk and just listen.

C. The other thing that really upset me (which was probably related to being on my cell phone for far longer than I should) is hard to describe in euphemisms, but it basically comes down to feeling a little left out. A friend did something with another group of people that he'd talked about doing with me. It's something kinda lasting and means that we can't do it for several years. And I've been invited to join the other group. No, it's not sexual or team-sports oriented and this is not a riddle for you to try to figure out. When I spell out the terms of this upset, it seems like I'm just being a jerk, because I was invited in. I just want to stick to my guns and have my friend do it with just me even though it may not result in the same benefits.

Having come of the B conversation and moved right into C, I first ranted about B then the C started. I tried to end the C conversation, but it kept coming up because it was really affecting the conversation (that's hard to explain in euphemism) in general, so I ended the phone call with some (unexpressed) regret. Now I feel guilty for hanging up on my friend and being so annoyed. I've been alone at home for several days with not too many social plans and maybe I've liked that a little too well, because at this rate, I'm not sure I'll have any friends left.

Solution: Take 10 deep breaths whenever something disturbs my equanimity and think before reacting.
Solution: Let other people talk and just listen.
Solution: Recognize opportunities for learning, growth and change - be open to change.

A few deep breaths while writing this have really helped. Now, moving on.