Thursday, June 21, 2007

Taking Things Personally

One of the Four Agreements is: Don't take things personally.

I'm struggling with this today and trying to remind myself that this is who I want to be - someone who doesn't take things personally. A couple of scenes:

At work, a task arose that no one wanted to do. Straws were drawn (literally) and C had to do said task. When I informed her, she was clearly annoyed. So instead of leaving early on my second to last day of clinic with a light heart, I've been feeling sick and worried over her anger ever since. I can think of lots of talking points that further justify her performance of that task, not the least of which is that the rest of us covered for her earlier in the week when she called in, but that's not the point. That's who I have been so far, not who I am becoming.

At home, found out that L's flight was delayed so she won't arrive until tomorrow. Had to change plans with A who seems to be making our plans a lower priority than I would like. E says I'm being too easy on him, too nice, and that he doesn't really understand how hurt I am. I don't quite know how to say, without sounding like a princess, that I need to be the priority with the possibility of plans changing with little notice and have nothing expected of me for the next for days.

Right now, I'm going to take a deep breath and let go of my guilt over C having to work at work. I'm sorry if that was a challenge for her and if she wants to talk about how that was handled, I would be willing to discuss it. Another deep breath and I'm going to let go of expecting things without spelling them out. Even if I sound like a princess, I'm going to spell it out for A so that he knows how important this weekend is to me. And for that matter, I'm going to take a lot of deep breaths all weekend long, because thought the weekend is VERY important to me and loaded with expectations (read: premeditated resentments? That's what I'm trying to avoid!), the universe is going to throw curves my way and there may be little I can do about it besides chose how I'm going to act (not react!). I am responsible for my own good time this weekend.

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