I may have written 10 blog entries by the time I leave work today. I also will have done research on various topics online (probably a little research on Jane Austen and maybe reserving some books at the library), balanced my checkbook, made various lists on the backs of scrap paper and probably refined, clarified and confirmed my plans for tonight.
I will also have drunk 16 ounces of coffee, eaten a donut, a bagel with cream cheese and probably some mac and cheese, all of which are things I'm trying to avoid while on a cleanse. I will pick up some freebie veggies, though, all of which are totally legal on the cleanse but none of which I will probably eat tonight to make up for my work hours debauch.
I might even cry at work today, though I'm doing a good job not going there just yet. My eyes have teared up a few times, but I've managed to deep breathe them away. Not sure why I'm crying all the time right now, but in a way, it feels good, cleansing. In another way, it feels like something must be seriously wrong with my life for me to cry more days than not. And in the way that matters most, it feels like I made myself sick crying and sobbing for too many hours last night so that my eyes are swollen and my throat raw this morning.
But I will also have met all of the goals of my being at work today. Not even half-assed-ly. Is that wrong? If I get my work done in less time, shouldn't I be able to steal a few moments to gather my thoughts? I think my employers would say yes to the first and no to the second. I think they would say that if I have more time at work that I should be helping out, contributing more, lending a hand to my coworkers.
It's a sad irony that my best down time is achieved at work. And that when A and I try to come up with solutions to my serious lack of money and time, that quitting this job seems the most viable solution. And that in my opinion, the worst thing I will do at work today is to have eaten that stale donut.
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