Powerful Words

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. - Josh Billings

Words are powerful. I noticed recently that when certain words come out of unexpected mouths, I sit up and take more notice. In coming across this new-to-me blog, I've remembered how healing words can be. And I noticed how knowing certain jargonal words might help someone feel control in a situation that is really not theirs to control.

I'm fascinated by words and their meanings and et·y·mol·o·gies. It started with foreign languages and has evolved to include the evolution of English, street slang, proverbs, catch phrases and mottos. Despite this, I'm not always precise in my use of words and language and in fact, sometimes, on purpose, play with words, such as jargonal, above. Nowadays, after reading this post by Erin McKean, my favorite lexicographer, I almost want people to tell me 'that's not a word,' so I can smile and say 'oh.'

The inspiration for this entry is the strange and unexpected utterance of medical terminology from a non-medical source. E and I have talked a bit lately about how people suffering or believing they suffer from some symptom, syndrome, condition or disease may actually know more about said symptom, syndrome, condition or disease than their medical personnel, because they research it unendingly on the Internet. Now, I think this can be valuable to get some background, read some explanations and learn about options that may not be common knowledge in your own community, but sometimes I think all that's happening is they are learning the words, but not all the connected ideas and experiences that accompany them.

Just using the words might provide some feeling of control in an insane world, but does it really foster understanding or closeness? Or does it simply provide family, friends and loved ones a distancing medical language to use instead of sharing their fears and sadness? In theory, I would much rather tell a patient that they have Stage 5 something or other than to use the words, 'you're dying,' but I think the honesty, commitment and caring in the second are much more powerful than the first. [I do recognize the power of suggestion, especially in words spoken by The Medical Profession and I don't know yet how to balance that with allowing an individual to die with dignity.]

I remember my own experience online when I was sick. Everything I read and even people in the online support group I found told me that I shouldn't/wouldn't/couldn't live beyond 5 years. What did they know?

Not me.

Synchronicity

So, A and I went to the Police concert a while back and A can't stop talking about Synchronicity this and that. Mostly related the the album, but I keep staring the phenomenon in the face.

Synchronicity:
1 : the quality or fact of being synchronous (relating to occurring at the same time)
2 : the coincidental occurrence of events and especially psychic events (as similar thoughts in widely separated persons or a mental image of an unexpected event before it happens) that seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality —used especially in the psychology of C. G. Jung

It's not really a psychic event of synchronicity that has happened, but several small coincidences that remind me of our web. A few years ago, my friend sent me Bill Bryson's In a Sunburned Country. Bryson traveled to Australia during the time that I happened to live there and described how several American divers were lost off the coast of Cairnes which happened just before I arrived! How unusual to read about my own experience (reading about this in the local paper) in someone else's book.

Another very similar one last night. I wanted to call A right away as he's the only one who shared this experience with me. When we were traveling on the east coast, we drove through Vermont, only stopping long enough to lose our camera at the post office at the state line and to eat in Queechee in a little diner I found online that specializes in local foods. Well, I couldn't have picked a more appropriate place, apparently, because Barbara Kingsolver, in her book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle describes visiting exactly this restaurant during her year of local food explorations. I don't think most people would think it was a big deal, but for me, it's like a brush with fame...one that makes me excited and also vaguely uncomfortable.

Defensiveness

Defensive:

1: serving to defend or protect

2 a: devoted to resisting or preventing aggression or attack

b: of or relating to the attempt to keep an opponent from scoring in a game or contest

3 a: valuable in defensive play

b: designed to keep an opponent from being the highest bidder

I got an email from my immediate supervisor recently in which she suggested a change in the way I do my job. I did not take it well, because I disagreed with what I assumed to be her reasons for that suggestion. She told me to slow down at my job, and I assumed that was because she judges that I may be making mistakes because I'm doing my job too fast. My problem is not with the suggestion per se, but with the reasoning behind it.

Her email was in response to my email in which I had just drawn her attention to several job items that were missed during a recent project. These items were missed before they got to my stage in the project, so I had no way of knowing they were missed, so I brought them to her attention in case there was a problem with our automation higher up. I explained to her all the checks that I did to make sure I had not missed them, but from everything I recieved on the project, I never got any materials on these missed items, but she persisted in suggesting I had 'accidentally' lost those items, which questions my competence in a way that I find very offensive. Even so, I would normally be open to the possibility of my making that kind of mistake except that in this instance, I am CERTAIN that I never received those materials.

On a broader scale, one easy way to check the part of my job I was apparently doing too fast is the other half of my job. Well, the other half of my job is compounded quarterly and shows better performance in the past three months than in the prior three months, with improvements not only in the departments that I directly oversee, but in other departments to which I have contributed ideas, explanations and extra time. So, when I received this email suggesting I slow down, I was not pleased and asked, hopefully respectfully, if she were aware of more errors than those I had brought to her attention, because I did not feel I had been rushing, to use her word, but just happen to get the job done quickly.

Now, this is all actually just background information, because the real issue is defensiveness. Obviously, I'm really defensive about my job. I think I'm doing a good job, I'm proud of the work I've done and I do take pride in the fact that I do it quickly, efficiently and accurately. Now, knowing full well that I take criticism extremely poorly, I still think I'm justified to a) want my boss to provide such criticism verbally instead of in email and b) to disagree with my boss's assessment, especially in this case of a mistake she actually knows little about. But, my fear is that my reaction, which though I sent too quickly (I should always let these things sit overnight), but tried to phrase diplomatically (diplomatic filters are off here), will subject me to the further criticism of being called 'defensive.'

By definition I am defensive when I am defending myself from what I see as an unwarranted attack on my character, job habits and work ethic. (Okay, maybe it's not that serious, but it felt like it, especially when compounded with the personal comments she directed to me, which has taught me the eternal lesson of mixing business and personal lives. Don't do it.) And why does an accusation of defensiveness mean that no defense is possible? If you are defensive when being accused on being racist, sexist, gay, a thief, a conservative, uncreative, selfish, greedy or any other quality that isn't considered positive for the accuser, it is immediately assumed that you are in fact that which you are accused of being. There is this mighty negative connotation to the word defensive that somehow becomes its own character flaw.

And I don't like it. Pout.

New Acronyms or New Uses of Old Acronyms

Once upon a time when I was online dating, I wrote some kind of scathing review of men who online date and asked the men to reply with their thoughts. It was a scream reading their responses. However, there was one who laid both E and I out on the floor collapsed in hysterics. My message referred to PMS as Passive Man Syndrome, and he countered that the real men weren't messing about online because they had STD - Shit To Do. It's an acronym that E and I still use in this way. And still find hilarious.

Last night (and here I give credit where it is due), she came up with another one:

OPB - Other People's Bullshit

Yeah, you down with OPB? Not me, I can too much STD.

I ♥ Merriam Webster

I love my dictionary. It's a large hard bound red Webster's that I inherited from a friend of mine when she moved away. She's since moved back, but I've grown too attached to give her book back. I suppose I would if she asked, but I'm grateful that she hasn't asked. I also love going to the online dictionary which not only provides me a definition, context and history, but pronounces the word for me. That's a great gift. This week I looked up a lot of words at work, because we started working with a new bakery:

Eclair: a usually chocolate-frosted oblong pastry filled with whipped cream or custard
Charlotte: a dessert consisting of a filling (as of fruit, whipped cream, or custard) layered with or placed in a mold lined with strips of bread, ladyfingers, or biscuits
Petit Four: a small cake cut from pound or sponge cake and frosted
Napoleon: an oblong pastry with a filling of cream, custard, or jelly

I also wanted to know how to pronounce maitre d' (headwaiter) for some reason, so it's a French language lesson!

All this word looking up is fun. If you enjoy words like I do, you might also enjoy this talk which is part of the TED Talks series. I can't rave enough about the TED talks - this is what the Internet should be about - ideas worth sharing and sharing them freely to enhance the possibilities. If I aspire to any lofty goal, it's that someday I have an idea worth sharing.

Equanimity

1 : evenness of mind especially under stress
2 : right disposition

Yes, I need to cultivate that. Today my mind is off kilter and uneven. Everything is going to be okay, but today it doesn't seem so, and the slightest of events has me all a-jumble.

Words of Contempt

Reading Blink which describes the theory of "thin-slices" or how we utilize and gather relevant information quickly to come to rapid, seemingly instinctive, conclusions. Basically, we often make decisions in the blink of an eye and then continue gathering information to try to justify that position. It's fascinating and starts out with information about relationships which is timely and of great interest. Having done some video research myself, I enjoyed reading about how the researcher watched and coded interactions between couples second by second for different emotional cues. The number one indicator for a relationship breaking up was contempt, often shown by rolling of the eyes, and this occurred as often in men as in women.

They described contempt as closely related to disgust, though Webster (below) uses the synonym disdain. I think this is also related to condescension (also below). In my own life, I'm so sensitive to people seeming to condescend or patronize me that I often jump to conclusions and assume everything they say is meant in that way. This is also described in the book - the pattern of how things are received, which can be general to all people or specific to a single person and is another independent predictor for the success of a relationship. I wonder if these things can be changed? I shall read on.

Contempt:
1 a: the act of despising : the state of mind of one who despises : disdain b: lack of respect or reverence for something2: the state of being despised3: willful disobedience to or open disrespect of a court, judge, or legislative body

Condescend:
1 a: to descend to a less formal or dignified level : unbend b: to waive the privileges of rank2: to assume an air of superiority


Patronize:
2 : to adopt an air of condescension toward : treat haughtily or coolly

My Life in Shambles

What is a shamble anyway?

Turns out, it really is shambles and shamble is something totally different. Shambles refers to:
1 : a meat market
2: slaughterhouse
3 a: a place of mass slaughter or bloodshed
b: a scene or a state of great destruction
c (1): a scene or a state of great disorder or confusion
(2): great confusion : mess

Whereas shamble simply means to walk awkwardly with dragging feet.

Even though my life is in shambles, referring to a state of disorder and confusion and not to a slaughterhouse or meat market, I find it calming to read Webster. Perhaps I should use Webster for meditation purposes. How do I, a fairly organized, hard working, rear-end retentive, get so close AGAIN to overdrawing my bank account, not have access to my own mail and give terrible job interviews for a position for which I am not only qualified, but also an ideal candidate? I've moved the money around so everything is covered, I'm going to my complex manager to figure out the mailbox situation and I'm going to 'let go and let God' about the interviews, but even having solutions doesn't help. That my counselor just called saying I missed our appointment for right now also doesn't help. Maybe selling my junk on Craigslist to clear clutter and make money will help. Guess I'll find out.

French in Unexpected Places

Several French words came up at work today. Here's today's French lesson:

roqufort: used for a pungent French blue cheese made from sheep's milk
(It's true - it is quite pungent, enough so that I would suggest not eating it in polite company, although I'm sure it's delicious.)


charcuterie: a delicatessen specializing in dressed meats and meat dishes; also : the products sold in such a shop
Etymology: French, literally, pork-butcher's shop, from Middle French chaircuiterie, from chaircutier pork butcher, from chair cuite cooked meat

accoutrement or accouterments (both spellings are correct): equipment, trappings; specifically : a soldier's outfit usually not including clothes and weapons -- usually used in plural b : an accessory item of clothing or equipment -- usually used in plural; an identifying and often superficial characteristic or device -- usually used in plural

Oui, oui.

Personal Growth: Thoughts on Maturity

Long talk on maturity last night in the wee hours. As a certifiable age-snob with a preference for those older than me, maturity as a concept, is something I think I've got a pretty good hold on, but let's see how close I could come to Websters - I'm guess it uses the term "age-appropriate" in the definition. Websters says:

Maturity:
1 : the quality or state of being mature; especially : full development
2 : termination of the period that an obligation has to run

Mature:
1 : based on slow careful consideration
2 a (1) : having completed natural growth and development : RIPE
(2) : having undergone maturation
b : having attained a final or desired state
c : having achieved a low but stable growth rate
d : of, relating to, or being an older adult : ELDERLY
3 a : of or relating to a condition of full development
b : characteristic of or suitable to a mature individual

Wow, this was not what I expected. Maturity as a concept seems to be more about having reached "full development" but I wonder how this relates to full potential. The definition "having attained a final or desired state" might suggest that meeting one's full potential would be the end of maturing, but I wonder, "desired by whom?" There are people who do not desire any further growth, probably think they are mature and in whom I see a lot more potential. In last nights conversation about maturity, my friend queried, "Is there a point in one's years when a person reaches a level of maturity and stays there?" Well, per Webster, we may be erroneous in thinking of levels of maturity - fruit and wine are either mature/ripe/ready or not. I don't even ask if people are that way, because as a feminist/relativist thinker, of course I consider there to be a scale and I think the issue is just one of semantics.

Personal learning and growth is one of my core values, so I'm constantly seeking the way to growth. I almost wrote "better myself" but I realize that doesn't really express it and self-betterment also carries with it a tinge of the idea that I might possibly know what is better for myself. There is also an idea with self-betterment that things may also be better, cleaner, prettier or somehow more positive, whereas with growth, I think sometimes things get messier, at least at first. For example, when I started learning to communicate my feelings of anger, I often overshot my goal, said it wrong or whatnot, so my life actually got messier for a time. In the end, I do think we are "better" for having grown, but I guess part of the learning I've accomplished in my growth has been that I'm perfect right now and doing the best I can with what I have available. Given that, I can't possibly be better.

Okay, enough psychobabble. Is maturing a process that ends? My opinion: for some people, yes - for some, no. Alcoholics (and likely other addicts), for example, get stunted in their emotional growth and often retain the maturity of a teenager. Psychologists say that they can resume their growth when they attain sobriety, but I have not always seen that they do - I think the possibility is there, but it requires a personal dedication. I don't think that is exclusive to addicts, either - I think beyond our growing years, there may be a tendency to stagnate if we aren't feeding ourselves the right mental/emotional/spiritual food for growth. That food is what keeps us growing/changing/maturing. What is it? Probably varies for everyone - for me, it includes an exploration of the dao, personal journey into spiritual realms, working with a therapist and lots of exposure to and exploration of the meaning of words.

To continue along that track, I also think that kids and teenagers need a lot of exposure while they are in their growing years to these foods, whatever they may be for them - since we can't possibly know, it would behoove us to expose them to LOTS of different models. This is the same way I feel about their physical health - if kids don't eat dirt and get exposed to germs, they never develop a proper immune system; if they (and we) don't eat lots of different foods, we never develop a wide palate and/or get the nutrition we need! It's really one and the same desire to have a wide array of experience - even if we then choose to walk a more narrow road, at least it was choice and not something that was foisted upon us due to the limits of our exposure.

For my part, as someone who has used and accepted the label "mature" since I was about 11, I now rescind that label based on Websters definition. I hope the day I wake up mature is my last on this planet - I'd love to look on this earth with mature eyes for just a day before ascending to nirvana.

Hopefully I'll write this blog

So, E's friend did offer this piece that I learned a bit from:

"Hopefully, I'll go to the store."

It doesn't mean: I hope I will go to the store.
It does mean: I will go to the store feeling hopeful.

Even though common parlance and usage directs our understanding to the first meaning, I think he is correct that the exact meaning falls more in line with the second. I am not sure how I will use this information, but it does provide some food for mental mastication on the use of adverbs. I'd love to speak to an English professor and get their take on this phenomenon.

As I consider taking Hindi and/or Chinese language training, I remember how much Latin and Chinese had to do with me getting into medicine. An idea: writing a naturopathic medical dictionary. How much fun would that be?!

Impacting Language

E is always sharing these theories with me - I don't know where she gets them, but they are often very relevant. One of them is called "90-10." Basically 90-10 refers to the way in which men will be 10% sure of something and present it as total fact and women will be 90% sure of something and still present it as a possibility. Being pretty smart and savvy women, we often laugh later about how we or someone else was 90-10'ing something.

One area in which I especially hate being challenged (a la 90-10) is on language and the meanings of words. I may not be well-read, but I certainly am widely-read, if I can coin a phrase and unconsciously have a pretty large vocabulary. I cannot always give a precise definition of a word, but I can usually provide enough context for understanding. So E's friend has been correcting her a lot lately on her use of language and grammar and she often shares these pearls with me. I cannot say that I haven't learned anything from this, but I can say that she shouldn't trust everything that someone says. Just because he's right 90% of the time doesn't mean she should accept the 10% that is wrong.

Case in point: he says that IMPACT is not a verb, but should only be used as a noun. Upon further discussion, he allowed that impact may be in the dictionary as a verb, but only due to people's constant misuse. Let's see what Webster has to say on this topic:

Etymology: Latin impactus, past participle of impingere to push against
Date: 1601
transitive verb
1a: to fix firmly by or as if by packing or wedging
b: to press together
2a: to have a direct effect or impact on : impinge on
b: to strike forcefully; also : to cause to strike forcefully

intransitive verb
1: to have an impact —often used with on
2: to impinge or make contact especially forcefully

And

Function: noun
Date: 1781
1 a: an impinging or striking especially of one body against another b: a forceful contact or onset; also : the impetus communicated in or as if in such a contact2: the force of impression of one thing on another : a significant or major effect

Hmmm...last I checked 1781 actually occurred long after 1601, so it would seem that the use of impact as a verb did, in fact, predate its use as a noun and that the usage as a noun evolved from the action of the verb. Well, I guess that's one possibility.

Personality vs. Temperament

Words of the Day:

• Personality: set of qualities that makes a person, a group of people, or a thing different from others (see also Nature: the set of qualities that makes a person, a group of people, or a thing different from others)
  
• Temperament: one's characteristic attitude or mood

How changeable are these? I think and hope they are very changeable and I'm setting out right now to change my temperament. I tend to have a judgmental, defensive attitude and a negative mood, but I'm going to turn that frown upside down and become more positive, starting now. Since people seem to like my personality, I'm going to leave that be for now, because I think this temperament thing is going to be challenging.

Oh yeah, if you don't agree that my temperament is as described, that's just because I have such a glittering personality. ;)

Bibliography vs. Reference List

Reference List: provides the information necessary for a reader to locate and retrieve any source you cite in the body of the paper. Each source you cite in the paper must appear in your reference list; likewise, each entry in the reference list must be cited in your text. (From this site)

Bibliography: the works or a list of the works referred to in a text or consulted by the author in its production
(From Websters)

Struggling to know what to use for my thesis. Have several sources that I consulted, but not referring directly to all of them. In that case, do I do both and if so, does the bibliography include only those sources that are not on my reference list or do I repeat? Please comment if you have any thoughts on this topic.

Evocative

Used the word "evocative" in a sentence today. E likes to make fun of me when I used "big" words, but when she asks me to define them, I'm usually able to do pretty well. I thought I did okay with this one when I said that evocative was more about any emotion and provocative was more about specific emotions around sex or aggression. (A funny word that A and E both enjoyed me defining was "cur" which means mongrel dog which goes to show that not all "big" words are big at all.)

From Websters:
Evocative: evoking or tending to evoke an especially emotional response
Provocative: serving or tending to provoke , excite, or stimulate
Provoke:to arouse to a feeling or action b : to incite to anger 2 a : to call forth (as a feeling or action) : EVOKE

Word of the Day

Here's a few words of interest from Webster:

Bucolic:
1: of or relating to shepherds or herdsmen : pastoral
2 a: relating to or typical of rural life b: idyllic

I can't remember where, but A read this to me sometime yesterday and I must say that I really had no idea what it meant. Having looked it up, it makes sense, because we were in the country.

Parkinson's Law:
1 : an observation in office organization: the number of subordinates increases at a fixed rate regardless of the amount of work produced
2 : an observation in office organization: work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion

I was looking up another word in the hardbound dictionary the other day...can't remember which word, but it's somewhere on that two page spread and this entry jumped out at me. There's an interesting fact about me that you may not know - I read in chunks. I don't read across a line of text the way most people do, but more "at a glance" and swallow whole paragraphs. That's why I'm such a fast reader of fiction, but this technique doesn't work for nonfiction as well. Also, this is why I do still so enjoy a paper dictionary - looking up words online doesn't allow for these lucky leaps across the page. At any rate, I like knowing about this law, because it explains a lot about why my thesis is not moving. No excuse though. Time to leave the dictionary and get back to writing something to turn in. But not before:

Morose:
1 : having a sullen and gloomy disposition
2 : marked by or expressive of gloom

Like my last couple posts, the weather and my general disposition today. Cedric the Entertainer and a few Pepsi's are helping though. I tell you that Norman Cousins was onto something with that laughter bit.

Retreat

I'm writing this from the comfort of my bedroom at Still Meadow Retreat Center. I'm here for two days doing a qigong intensive. We call them "retreats" and I want to riff a little on what that means. Writing it makes me think re-treat as in a second treat and that is often what qigong retreat is...if you like qigong. I've done 8 retreats in the last 4 years and the retreats usually focus on forms or skills I'm learning in a regular weekly qigong course, so it's like a concentrated dose or a second dose, hence retreat.

Let's go to Webster's and see what he says about retreat:
1: an act or process of withdrawing especially from what is difficult, dangerous, or disagreeable
2: the process of receding from a position or state attained
3: a place of privacy or safety : REFUGE
4: a period of group withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction under a director
(Military definitions excluded because I just don't want to go there - I'm tired of military analogies.)

So the meaning of retreat for us is clearly group withdrawal for meditation, study and instruction, but I like the rest of these definitions too. As much as I kick and scream about taking time out of my busy schedule to go on retreat, I also am so happy to leave behind the stresses of everyday life. Here someone cooks for me, cleans up the dishes and no one cares if I wear the same dirty sweatpants all weekend. It feels very nourishing and nurturing in that way. This also relates to the idea of refuge - the retreat center is pretty quiet and while my classmates aren't always on their best behavior, people are usually pretty introspective and supportive. The one I almost left out, but really want to meditate on in the next session is "the process of receding from a position or state attained," with the example of the retreat of glaciers. I was thinking, no, we're here to grow, but then I realized that sometimes growth means backing down a path to the last fork and going up the other way. Being on the path doesn't always mean traveling in a straight line and in fact, may never mean that.

That's my meditation for today - what fork in the road do I need to revisit?

Practically, though, I find it ironic that I'm typing on my computer, hooked up the Internet, with my cell phone plugged in beside me, while on retreat. There is something not very retreated about that. And the woman I'm sharing my house with just drove back into town to work at the clinic for a couple hours. I guess it's a matter of state of mind. Mental retreat. Okay, time for another session.

Note to Self - Remember Your Core Values

Integrity -
1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY
2 : an unimpaired condition : SOUNDNESS
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS
synonym see HONESTY

I really like these definitions and feel freed by having these synonyms for integrity as I may have laid a guilt trip on my door by holding a "firm adherence to a code of especially moral...values." Rather than focusing on someone else's moral values, I think I'll focus on being sound and complete within myself and honest both within and without.

Serenity - the quality or state of being serene
1 a : clear and free of storms or unpleasant change b : shining bright and steady
2 : AUGUST -- used as part of a title, as in: His Serene Highness
3 : marked by or suggestive of utter calm and unruffled repose or quietude

I have been talking lately of subtlety, but I realize now I've been meaning serenity. I do want to laugh loudly with abandon, I do want to live out loud, I don't want to go quietly into this good night, but I want to do it all while shining bright and steady and remaining unruffled in the face of the storms of modern life.


Personal Development (Learning and Growth) -
Some concepts related to development:

• to set forth or make clear by degrees or in detail : EXPOUND
• to make visible or manifest
• to elaborate (a musical idea) by the working out of rhythmic and harmonic changes in the theme
• to work out the possibilities of
• to create or produce especially by deliberate effort over time
• to make active or promote the growth of
• to make available or usable
• to move (a chess piece) from the original position to one providing more opportunity for effective use
• to cause to unfold gradually
• to expand by a process of growth
• to cause to grow and differentiate along lines natural to its kind
• to acquire gradually
• to go through a process of natural growth, differentiation, or evolution by successive changes
• to become gradually manifest; to come into being gradually

Wow. And here's one that wasn't in the original list, but since I'm looking up words and gaining such useful understanding -

Authentic - true to one's own personality, spirit, or character.

Yep, the dictionary is my favorite book of all time.

Definitions from: Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary