Pontification in an Obama-Nation

Ferris Bueler said that -isms, in general, are a bag thing, but I think -ations can also fall into this category. Hearing a lot of pontification (to speak or express opinions in a pompous or dogmatic way) today and would like to refer people to the following: "No We Can't, White Folks" and "No We Can't, Black Folks." I love The Root.

Spoke with my mom early in the evening yesterday before the polls were closing. She asked me, almost shyly, if she could ask who I voted for. I had been avoiding asking her and my brothers who they voted for, assuming we would disagree and not wanting to create further tension in the family, but it turns out that mom and I agreed on this one. The two brothers who made it to the polls cancelled one another out and surprised me on their choices.

A and I were glued to the television watching the results come in and when the icon saying "Elected: President Barack Obama" came on the screen, we couldn't believe it - it was too fast. There were still so many states unaccounted for and he had already won! It was amazing. I watched the people celebrating in the streets, crying and shouting while A went upstairs and talked to his family and Martin. Martin voted McCain and called to congratulate A that his candidate won. A smartly replied that we will all benefit from Obama's presidency. A said to remember what we were doing that day because it is an historic occasion, the election of the first African American president of the United States.

There is some part of me that is also very inspired that president-elect Obama is not only African-American, but biracial. It's not that he has a white parent, but just that part of me that relates to that on some level, being in an inter-racial, inter-cultural relationship. In a word, I guess it's because, Barack's masala, too.

I feel so touched, inspired, proud, relieved and happy today. I feel like we've all been waiting to exhale and finally I can feel the tightness in my chest start to release. I'm looking forward to the next four to eight years. Oh yes, I said it, eight years. God bless Barack.

Fingers Crossed

Each election feels slightly more important than the last and I feel more involved, but this election seems crucial. I'm not making the college threats of relocating to another country if this election doesn't go the direction I'd like it to as I am more firmly rooted in my community than that, but my heart does catch at the thought.

On the other hand, I voted for hope and I voted for change. Even if the election doesn't provide the strong catalyst for change that I hope it will, I must have hope and stimulate change where and how I can. I haven't listened to many speeches, but Senator Barack Obama's debate response in which he described how America needs real leadership and what that means moved me and struck me.

I have heard the call. Now, fingers crossed that the majority of Americans have also heard.

Pete's Wisdom

If you want to be happy, don't hang out with people who make you miserable.

On Top of the Sine Wave

On Top of the World. Top of the Morning To Ya! You're the Tops! A Chart Topper.

Top has a lot of meanings for such a short word - phrases such as on top of, off the top of one's head and over the top extend the list even longer. Today, I'm feeling TOPPY, if I can coin a new term, because I just found out I did NOT fail my exam as I bemoaned previously but did in fact PASS.

Yes, things are definitely turning around. Life spirals. It circles. It cycles. It ebbs and flows. However you draw it out, I'm turning my face into the spring sun and soaking up that energy of motion to create something new. A thesis. Something that wouldn't and won't exist if I don't write it down. Here I go.

Knock on Wood

Why am I so hard on myself when I don't do well on something?

Throw a rock and you hit someone who has failed an exam, a class or a task. I feel compassion and understanding for these people and generally assume they aren't carrying that failure around with them because either they learned from it, eventually passed it or turned it into something good. When I was asked in a job interview years ago what my biggest failure had been, I honestly answered that I never felt I had failed at anything. That idealistic optimism still lives within me, but it's harder to remember in the face of slamming doors and that overloud FAIL stamp coming down on my test.

The hardest was the first time, when I wasn't selected for an international clinical operation that I expected to be a shoe-in for. It was easier when I didn't get the residencies I applied for because I knew they were limited. The hardest to date is the test I took yesterday that I fear I may have failed. Calling my mom, because that's what we do in these circumstances, didn't help because she only remembers all the times I've called her in tears during high school and college over some exam that I usually ended up doing well enough to great on. Letting my boyfriend rock me and wipe away my tears helped more than he'll ever know and bitching about my friend who likely did pass helped a lot too. There goes my resolution to stop bitching about people.

I wonder if it's like the time I expressed that I didn't know what true pain felt like and the universe "gifted" me with pain enough to empathize with almost anything. Maybe I should learn to knock on wood.

Beautiful Day

Today is such a beautiful day and my aim is to make today my day of no swearing. It's on my list of 101 goals. I'm feeling today like anything is possible and remembering that any large task has to start with small steps.

After this weekend, my house is clean, my relationship is stable and I feel significantly less stressed. I'm going to use that to my advantage and continue 'cleaning house' all week.

Quotable

When you come to the edge of all the light you have
and you must take a step into the darkness of the unknown,
believe that one of two things will happen:
either there will be something solid for you to stand upon
or you will be taught to fly.