My experiment with post-dating and manifesting my desired outcome did not work out as well as I'd hoped, although it would probably have helped if I'd actually bought a lottery ticket. Despite the best of intentions, I did not. I tried, though. Twice. The first time, we had missed the Sunday drawing and decided not to buy for Wednesday until we knew that no one had won Sunday and the second time, well, I guess I didn't really try, I just forgot because my dog was sick. (No, really, he's got the kennel cough.)
What I realized since the big winner from Winner is that even when it gets reset to $20 million dollars, if I actually ever won, if I won, I would be set for life with even that much money, which is, of course, the appeal of the lottery. But does that mean I should always play? After all, there is no guarantee and in fact, it's likely, that I could play every week for the rest of my life and never win big enough to recoup my losses, even if I only ever played a dollar a week. It is, after all, for entertainment only, not investment purposes.
But, people win. And some people win big. It's a strange form of gambling. When I'm at a casino, it's easy for me to reject it and say no way, because I know I'd lose a lot of little amounts and don't stand to win that much. But to win $20-200 million from $1 ... that's insidious. $52 per year isn't such a lot of money if I was entertained by the process, but I think I'm one of those people who would try changing around my numbers, but still want to keep my old numbers and oh, the pots getting bigger, bet get a few extra tickets and all that.
I guess that's what they call an addictive personality. Come by it naturally, though. And my whole family seems to really like gambling, so I should probably steer clear. Or at least wait for a big jackpot.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
What I'm Going to Do Now That I Won $200 Million From the Lottery
1. Pay off all my debt, including financial debts to friends and family and mom's PLUS loan
2. Give notice to my second job that I will be decreasing work to 1 day per week or quit
3. Give notice to my career job that we will be okay or quit
4. Hire a financial planner/adviser
5. Hire the Dog Whisperer and a dog walker
6. Go to the Tree of Life for as long as it takes to feel rested
7. Take that trip to Italy that I've been longing for
8. Establish trusts for my family
9. Set up my raw kitchen
10. See what life is like debt free and with means
2. Give notice to my second job that I will be decreasing work to 1 day per week or quit
3. Give notice to my career job that we will be okay or quit
4. Hire a financial planner/adviser
5. Hire the Dog Whisperer and a dog walker
6. Go to the Tree of Life for as long as it takes to feel rested
7. Take that trip to Italy that I've been longing for
8. Establish trusts for my family
9. Set up my raw kitchen
10. See what life is like debt free and with means
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Dear Rich Folks...
Dearest Rich Folks,
I hope that this note finds you well and prosperous. Especially prosperous, because I would love to share in your prosperity. I am a hard working, educated thirty something. I have a great credit rating and have done all the things my parents and their generation said I should do...get an education, avoid bankruptcy, don't rely on other people for money/support...and I'm struggling. In fact, I would say that I am crippled by debt - unable to imagine a future without payments greater than my income.
I'm not in debt from frivolous living, but from getting said education. The vast majority of my debt is in the form of student loans with less than 10% in the form of a line of credit that I used to support myself during school and for the three months between jobs while attending school full time.
I don't know if you can imagine how that feels...? Maybe you were once poor or middle class? Or if you were born rich, maybe there is a similar but opposite burden? I'm generally a pretty optimistic person - not so optimistic that I play the lottery on a regular basis or anything, but optimistic enough that I keep avoiding bankruptcy, sticking to my budget and moving forward. But it's hard and I'd like to put it out there to the God, the Universe and those in possession of means greater than their needs that I am grateful for your help.
I am grateful for the means that you will provide to me directly, for the business you send my way (I am a small business owner), and for the legislation you will support that will allow more forgiveness of student loans and more reasonable cost of higher education for future generations.
Thanks again, rich folks, you rock.
The-B-Hive
I hope that this note finds you well and prosperous. Especially prosperous, because I would love to share in your prosperity. I am a hard working, educated thirty something. I have a great credit rating and have done all the things my parents and their generation said I should do...get an education, avoid bankruptcy, don't rely on other people for money/support...and I'm struggling. In fact, I would say that I am crippled by debt - unable to imagine a future without payments greater than my income.
I'm not in debt from frivolous living, but from getting said education. The vast majority of my debt is in the form of student loans with less than 10% in the form of a line of credit that I used to support myself during school and for the three months between jobs while attending school full time.
I don't know if you can imagine how that feels...? Maybe you were once poor or middle class? Or if you were born rich, maybe there is a similar but opposite burden? I'm generally a pretty optimistic person - not so optimistic that I play the lottery on a regular basis or anything, but optimistic enough that I keep avoiding bankruptcy, sticking to my budget and moving forward. But it's hard and I'd like to put it out there to the God, the Universe and those in possession of means greater than their needs that I am grateful for your help.
I am grateful for the means that you will provide to me directly, for the business you send my way (I am a small business owner), and for the legislation you will support that will allow more forgiveness of student loans and more reasonable cost of higher education for future generations.
Thanks again, rich folks, you rock.
The-B-Hive
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Prices Slashed
On my way home from work, I noticed signs for sales the whole way. Fabric 25% Off! Massage $39/Hour. Going out of business, everything must go. Moving sale. There really is no denying that the economy is really affecting small businesses. As a new small business owner, I can attest to the fact that our business is not getting off to the booming start for which we were hoping and planning.
I personally alternate between being glad of the sales and wondering if this is what these businesses have to do just to keep their doors open and how bad is it really? For example, what is the original mark-up on fabric? If its a 2x mark up and it's all marked down by 25% that cuts profits on that fabric by 1/2, but it may be worth it for that proprietor to get some positive cash flow.
For service industries, like mine and the massage therapist who's price was 20$ less than most massage therapists I know, I wonder if the compromise is to take less and hope for higher volume. That is, after all, the system of insurance summarized.
Just musing on this. With a big tax refund on the way, I may want to take advantage of the deals/help out some small businesses...with my business.
I personally alternate between being glad of the sales and wondering if this is what these businesses have to do just to keep their doors open and how bad is it really? For example, what is the original mark-up on fabric? If its a 2x mark up and it's all marked down by 25% that cuts profits on that fabric by 1/2, but it may be worth it for that proprietor to get some positive cash flow.
For service industries, like mine and the massage therapist who's price was 20$ less than most massage therapists I know, I wonder if the compromise is to take less and hope for higher volume. That is, after all, the system of insurance summarized.
Just musing on this. With a big tax refund on the way, I may want to take advantage of the deals/help out some small businesses...with my business.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Now What?
So I've been putting off changing my work schedule for a long time.
Originally, I was going to drop a day at my part time job so that I would have 2 days off per week. Not two consecutive days, not a weekend, but 2 days. The eventual plan was to have 2 consecutive days off and then to eventually scoot those days around so that they would be Saturday and Sunday so that A and I could have weekends off together.
My fear of "not enough" gave me a great compromise solution of dropping two hours for a few weeks then four hours for a while until I felt comfortable dropping another two hours on a different day and then maybe ditching a whole day...the thought behind this being that maybe those two hours were somehow going to make the difference and allow my "main" job to start being lucrative so that I wouldn't feel the financial difference.
Not only will two hours on Sunday probably not make the difference in my main job, but it probably won't make the difference in my personal life, either. On the other hand, dropping an entire day at this time (which my part time job would LOVE because they are trying to stick to a tight labor budget), would result in my personal budget losing its balance.
So I'm back where I started uncertain of what to do. A couple of scenarios this week really highlighted that something needs to change, but what?
Scenario 1: A and I discussed the possibility of moving elsewhere, specifically out of state and out of the country. We talked about what that would mean for us financially as individuals and as a couple. Part of that solution would involve me working on my career more than on a day job and that was extremely exciting to me. In addition to the excitement of adventure with moving somewhere else, I buzzed at the thought of getting to spend 40 hours per week involved only in developing my business.
Scenario 2: In the middle of working my normal 6 day work week, I realized that I was going in on my day off for a networking event for the clinic. As I mused aloud about switching my day off, my business partner rallied me into agreeing to come in on my normal day and my off day. He didn't boss me, he didn't guilt me, he just, well, rallied me. And then I was sick on my day off and couldn't go to the networking event. Go figure - my body knows that even God needed rest on the 7th day and made me rest.
What I've learned:
1. I'd love to work on my business as a full-time job. I really think that I could get some things going if that were an option in the present moment.
2. I'm bored - I don't really want to move, but I'm jumping at the idea because it's something new and different. I crave ADVENTURE!
3. I need more than 1 day off per week. I know I didn't just get sick because I was going to work an extra day, but I also think that working 48-60 hours per week is definitely predisposing me to getting sick. And contributing to my boredom and my lack of investment in my business.
4. I need to develop a plan for financial security that allows me to have more time to work on my business and more time for recreation. Maybe that means a different part time job (that pays more)? Maybe that means a second part time job (that pays more) and cutting my hours at this part time job?
Or maybe I need to revisit my namesake and manifest more prosperity into my life so that I can cut my hours a day at a time per my original plan.
Originally, I was going to drop a day at my part time job so that I would have 2 days off per week. Not two consecutive days, not a weekend, but 2 days. The eventual plan was to have 2 consecutive days off and then to eventually scoot those days around so that they would be Saturday and Sunday so that A and I could have weekends off together.
My fear of "not enough" gave me a great compromise solution of dropping two hours for a few weeks then four hours for a while until I felt comfortable dropping another two hours on a different day and then maybe ditching a whole day...the thought behind this being that maybe those two hours were somehow going to make the difference and allow my "main" job to start being lucrative so that I wouldn't feel the financial difference.
Not only will two hours on Sunday probably not make the difference in my main job, but it probably won't make the difference in my personal life, either. On the other hand, dropping an entire day at this time (which my part time job would LOVE because they are trying to stick to a tight labor budget), would result in my personal budget losing its balance.
So I'm back where I started uncertain of what to do. A couple of scenarios this week really highlighted that something needs to change, but what?
Scenario 1: A and I discussed the possibility of moving elsewhere, specifically out of state and out of the country. We talked about what that would mean for us financially as individuals and as a couple. Part of that solution would involve me working on my career more than on a day job and that was extremely exciting to me. In addition to the excitement of adventure with moving somewhere else, I buzzed at the thought of getting to spend 40 hours per week involved only in developing my business.
Scenario 2: In the middle of working my normal 6 day work week, I realized that I was going in on my day off for a networking event for the clinic. As I mused aloud about switching my day off, my business partner rallied me into agreeing to come in on my normal day and my off day. He didn't boss me, he didn't guilt me, he just, well, rallied me. And then I was sick on my day off and couldn't go to the networking event. Go figure - my body knows that even God needed rest on the 7th day and made me rest.
What I've learned:
1. I'd love to work on my business as a full-time job. I really think that I could get some things going if that were an option in the present moment.
2. I'm bored - I don't really want to move, but I'm jumping at the idea because it's something new and different. I crave ADVENTURE!
3. I need more than 1 day off per week. I know I didn't just get sick because I was going to work an extra day, but I also think that working 48-60 hours per week is definitely predisposing me to getting sick. And contributing to my boredom and my lack of investment in my business.
4. I need to develop a plan for financial security that allows me to have more time to work on my business and more time for recreation. Maybe that means a different part time job (that pays more)? Maybe that means a second part time job (that pays more) and cutting my hours at this part time job?
Or maybe I need to revisit my namesake and manifest more prosperity into my life so that I can cut my hours a day at a time per my original plan.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Ding, Dong, The Truck is Gone!
I feel like some transition is complete. I'm moved into A's house and now I've sold my truck. Somehow, having my truck was something left of my pre-living-with-A life and now it's gone. I don't know why it feels so symbolic, but there is definitely a different feeling now that we have his and hers VW Golfs in the driveway. Have I gone from hippie earth cookie doctor to yuppie physician?
It's also weird that I talk about what "we" have all the time now. I don't say it without some self-consciousness, but I still say it and haven't been questioned or corrected to date. As in, "we still have a pick up truck for hauling things around and taking the kayak out."
Anyways, the happy news about the truck selling is that it breaks me even so that I'm in a much more stable financial place in addition to saving money on gas with my new car every month. So, from here onward, if I can continue to keep spending in check, things are just going to get better.
Addendum: I just remembered that this was one of my goals! Goal #26 - CHECK!
It's also weird that I talk about what "we" have all the time now. I don't say it without some self-consciousness, but I still say it and haven't been questioned or corrected to date. As in, "we still have a pick up truck for hauling things around and taking the kayak out."
Anyways, the happy news about the truck selling is that it breaks me even so that I'm in a much more stable financial place in addition to saving money on gas with my new car every month. So, from here onward, if I can continue to keep spending in check, things are just going to get better.
Addendum: I just remembered that this was one of my goals! Goal #26 - CHECK!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Sallie Mae, I do it all for you...
When I was in my second year of graduate school, a near-graduate performed an original song he'd written the title of which I borrowed for this post. It was funny as he listed out all the degrading things he had done or would do for "Sallie Mae" who I'd yet to become acquainted with. Well, let me tell you, I do it all for Sallie Mae now too.
It's no joke that loans and overextended credit drive the American political and economic climate through incredible fear. I doubt that the US will ever embrace free medical care and much less free education, but how many serious problems could be helped by an educated and healthy populace? Uneducated people may be easier to control and manipulate though - it's easy to jump on the bandwagon of the conservative Christian right (or the left-wing faction, to be fair) based on faith alone when you don't know any better.
At any rate, my financial future is getting better and better, but for the next 30 years, I'll be in bed with Sallie Mae, although hopefully I won't have to do anything too degrading.
It's no joke that loans and overextended credit drive the American political and economic climate through incredible fear. I doubt that the US will ever embrace free medical care and much less free education, but how many serious problems could be helped by an educated and healthy populace? Uneducated people may be easier to control and manipulate though - it's easy to jump on the bandwagon of the conservative Christian right (or the left-wing faction, to be fair) based on faith alone when you don't know any better.
At any rate, my financial future is getting better and better, but for the next 30 years, I'll be in bed with Sallie Mae, although hopefully I won't have to do anything too degrading.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Free Is A Very Good Price
At work, I get free food. Not just a meal or catered event from time to time, but bags full of groceries. I can't even estimate how much money I save from getting free things at work. I prepared a delicious meal of fresh made spinach fettuccine with sun dried tomato pesto, fire roasted diced tomato, pumpkin, zucchini and carrots, for example, and the only things I bought were the canned pumpkin and fresh zucchini. I love this job.
I also love being a naturopath and the freebies and discounts I get there. As part of our graduation package, which I had never opened, one of the vitamin distributors we work with gave each graduate $100 credit towards our first order of $100 or more. So, I get $100 worth of products at wholesale cost - FREE. It's time to order as my stock is quite depleted, so I'm happily going to use them. Did it work to create favorable feeling towards their company? Yes. Do I care? No. What's interesting is they are a distributor and not a manufacturer, so I would probably have used them anyways, but I feel even better using them after they were generous - since I graduated in a group of 100 and there are 3 schools with similar class sizes, we're talking about a potential of $30,000 in gift certificates that they gave away.
I also love being a naturopath and the freebies and discounts I get there. As part of our graduation package, which I had never opened, one of the vitamin distributors we work with gave each graduate $100 credit towards our first order of $100 or more. So, I get $100 worth of products at wholesale cost - FREE. It's time to order as my stock is quite depleted, so I'm happily going to use them. Did it work to create favorable feeling towards their company? Yes. Do I care? No. What's interesting is they are a distributor and not a manufacturer, so I would probably have used them anyways, but I feel even better using them after they were generous - since I graduated in a group of 100 and there are 3 schools with similar class sizes, we're talking about a potential of $30,000 in gift certificates that they gave away.
Friday, September 21, 2007
To Vacation or Not To Vacation
I had planned a trip to the beach for next weekend with some friends. I even pre-paid for it.
And I'm probably not going.
I need to get a second job. I need to stay home and earn my usual passive moneys from babysitting Plum. I need to work on my side job. Basically, it's worth losing the money that's already gone to make more real and potential money.
But I feel bad about it.
E is going. She even said she didn't want to be the flake that didn't go (although I paraphrase, because she used a word worse than flake), which I try not to take as a direct hit. So now I wonder if I should somehow go. Even though I'm taking two weeks off next month to go on vacation.
And I'm probably not going.
I need to get a second job. I need to stay home and earn my usual passive moneys from babysitting Plum. I need to work on my side job. Basically, it's worth losing the money that's already gone to make more real and potential money.
But I feel bad about it.
E is going. She even said she didn't want to be the flake that didn't go (although I paraphrase, because she used a word worse than flake), which I try not to take as a direct hit. So now I wonder if I should somehow go. Even though I'm taking two weeks off next month to go on vacation.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
My Life in Shambles
What is a shamble anyway?
Turns out, it really is shambles and shamble is something totally different. Shambles refers to:
1 : a meat market
2: slaughterhouse
3 a: a place of mass slaughter or bloodshed
b: a scene or a state of great destruction
c (1): a scene or a state of great disorder or confusion
(2): great confusion : mess
Whereas shamble simply means to walk awkwardly with dragging feet.
Even though my life is in shambles, referring to a state of disorder and confusion and not to a slaughterhouse or meat market, I find it calming to read Webster. Perhaps I should use Webster for meditation purposes. How do I, a fairly organized, hard working, rear-end retentive, get so close AGAIN to overdrawing my bank account, not have access to my own mail and give terrible job interviews for a position for which I am not only qualified, but also an ideal candidate? I've moved the money around so everything is covered, I'm going to my complex manager to figure out the mailbox situation and I'm going to 'let go and let God' about the interviews, but even having solutions doesn't help. That my counselor just called saying I missed our appointment for right now also doesn't help. Maybe selling my junk on Craigslist to clear clutter and make money will help. Guess I'll find out.
Turns out, it really is shambles and shamble is something totally different. Shambles refers to:
1 : a meat market
2: slaughterhouse
3 a: a place of mass slaughter or bloodshed
b: a scene or a state of great destruction
c (1): a scene or a state of great disorder or confusion
(2): great confusion : mess
Whereas shamble simply means to walk awkwardly with dragging feet.
Even though my life is in shambles, referring to a state of disorder and confusion and not to a slaughterhouse or meat market, I find it calming to read Webster. Perhaps I should use Webster for meditation purposes. How do I, a fairly organized, hard working, rear-end retentive, get so close AGAIN to overdrawing my bank account, not have access to my own mail and give terrible job interviews for a position for which I am not only qualified, but also an ideal candidate? I've moved the money around so everything is covered, I'm going to my complex manager to figure out the mailbox situation and I'm going to 'let go and let God' about the interviews, but even having solutions doesn't help. That my counselor just called saying I missed our appointment for right now also doesn't help. Maybe selling my junk on Craigslist to clear clutter and make money will help. Guess I'll find out.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
What would you do if __ won the lottery?
I don't know a single person who hasn't played the "what would I do if I won the Lottery" game. I play it all the time and have loads of ideas of what I would do - depends on the amount of the windfall, but here's some indication:
- Pay off all my and my mom's debts
- Retire my mom to the location of her choice and set her up for a comfortable life
- Put funds in trust for my brothers and their children
- Put funds in trust for my future children
- Consult a financial advisor
- Take a long vacation to determine next steps
Yes, I'd like to contribute to charity. Yes, I'd like to invest. Yes, I'd like to be set up for life. But I'm not sure I'd stop working - I didn't spend the last 7 years living in poverty and training not to use those skills - maybe I'd volunteer several days a week or take a teaching position that didn't pay as well as I'd like. After this past six weeks without a consistent schedule, I do know that I would need something to get me out of bed and into my shoes everyday. (The shoe thing is about some advice E read about working from home - best way to be productive at home is to get up and get dressed down to your shoes everyday. I'm showered and dressed and shod and already very productive today, so I believe that book may be onto something.)
So anyways, I'm rambling again, because this really isn't about what I would do if I won the lottery, but about what I would do if my friend won the lottery. Different perspective, altogether and one that really gives me a picture of some issues I'd like to work on. Often when one is playing "What I Would Do," with a friend, they include their friend in the generosity that comes from playing with imaginary millions - "Of course, I would set you up in a new home and state of the art clinic! I love you!" That helps, because if you win the lottery, I'm going to be JEALOUS! Gasp!
A friend of mine recently came into a situation where she's going to be helped out financially a great deal - she didn't win the lottery, she's not set up for life, she still needs to work her hiney off, but there is no question that she's been given a reprieve. And I'm jealous. I'm happy for her. And I'm jealous. There is no way for her to share this deal - it's not like imaginary millions. So how do I deal with the jealousy and feel better about the situation? Well, I just keep plodding along getting my ducks in a row. And I use phrases like "bailing you out" and feel slightly superior about getting them in a row without a windfall of help. Not okay, but I'm working on evolving beyond that place.
So, if you win the lottery, please be patient with me and my jealousy! I still love you and it'll be easier to love you if you share.
Monday, August 20, 2007
On Being the Peanut Gallery
So I started wanting to write something about the third blog that I regularly check into some days ago. I even mentioned it in an earlier post, but never got around to explaining what happened. My whole perspective is now skewed due to recent events, so I'm not sure what justice I can give this topic, but I'm going to ramble on about it anyway, because it's relevant, it's important and I'm too lazy to leave for the store just yet - if I wait long enough, maybe E will get home from lunch and walk with me.
So the topic is this Third Blog that I used to read and now don't. Well, that's a lie, because I'm reading it again. No, I'm not that capricious - Third Blog is private and viewed only by permission from The Writer. Yes, The Writer granted me permission to view his personal blog and then rescinded it and then gave it back. Why and how do we choose who reads our blogs? The Writer keeps his private because he is in fact writing very personal things, in some instances, pouring his heart out and revealing his deepest feelings. I, on the other hand, write more generally and anonymously, or so I hope, and don't mind it being a public blog, but I don't direct more than a couple friends here - and most of those are people I know won't read regularly anyway. Maybe I'd write differently if I knew it couldn't be read by strangers...maybe I'd write a lot differently if I knew my boyfriend was reading?
So The Writer had told me about his blog and even showed me a few entries for months before giving me access. I like to think that I was "cool" about it and not begging to read, but the latter may be more the case. I was intrigued - what was he writing that was so private? And why shouldn't I, close friend, confidante and generally understanding person, read it and participate? Finally, after months of patient waiting, I was added to the readership and voraciously consumed everything available since The Writer and I met and then went back and started from the beginning. I had to schedule an emergency summit of my Staying Sane on Blogs Committee because I was feeling proud, hurt, annoyed, happy, sad, angry and confused all at the same time based on what I was reading. In respect for The Writer's privacy, I didn't mention or discuss much of what I was reading or my resultant feelings with him.
Until this week. What happens when someone who's blog you read vents about you?
Okay, that didn't really happen either, but it makes for good dramatic effect. The Writer has been known to post a few things about me...okay a lot of things, including photographs. I'm not talking about risking-my-Ms.USA-crown photos, just photos of us doing things and photos he thinks are extra cute. Well, that's flattering, right? Except that I'm super sensitive about having photos of myself on the Internet and even more sensitive about possible divergent meanings in text about me. So I often would get annoyed by things written about me, even when I knew they were well-intended. The latest entry particularly frustrated me because it hinted at a not-so-stable financial state, which is something I'm even more sensitive about than my bad-hair photos. In my immediate reaction state, I commented on his blog for the very first time and it was a pretty snarky comment. Made him look bad and would have made me look bad too if he hadn't immediately removed it.
After that bitchy comment, he booted me from the blog. No discussion, no second chances.
Until today. When he added me back. No discussion. Well, of course, I immediately caught myself back up, but lesson learned, no comments from this peanut gallery. Though I don't know what to think or do about getting access again, I do know my new mantra: Call the Committee before Commenting.
So the topic is this Third Blog that I used to read and now don't. Well, that's a lie, because I'm reading it again. No, I'm not that capricious - Third Blog is private and viewed only by permission from The Writer. Yes, The Writer granted me permission to view his personal blog and then rescinded it and then gave it back. Why and how do we choose who reads our blogs? The Writer keeps his private because he is in fact writing very personal things, in some instances, pouring his heart out and revealing his deepest feelings. I, on the other hand, write more generally and anonymously, or so I hope, and don't mind it being a public blog, but I don't direct more than a couple friends here - and most of those are people I know won't read regularly anyway. Maybe I'd write differently if I knew it couldn't be read by strangers...maybe I'd write a lot differently if I knew my boyfriend was reading?
So The Writer had told me about his blog and even showed me a few entries for months before giving me access. I like to think that I was "cool" about it and not begging to read, but the latter may be more the case. I was intrigued - what was he writing that was so private? And why shouldn't I, close friend, confidante and generally understanding person, read it and participate? Finally, after months of patient waiting, I was added to the readership and voraciously consumed everything available since The Writer and I met and then went back and started from the beginning. I had to schedule an emergency summit of my Staying Sane on Blogs Committee because I was feeling proud, hurt, annoyed, happy, sad, angry and confused all at the same time based on what I was reading. In respect for The Writer's privacy, I didn't mention or discuss much of what I was reading or my resultant feelings with him.
Until this week. What happens when someone who's blog you read vents about you?
Okay, that didn't really happen either, but it makes for good dramatic effect. The Writer has been known to post a few things about me...okay a lot of things, including photographs. I'm not talking about risking-my-Ms.USA-crown photos, just photos of us doing things and photos he thinks are extra cute. Well, that's flattering, right? Except that I'm super sensitive about having photos of myself on the Internet and even more sensitive about possible divergent meanings in text about me. So I often would get annoyed by things written about me, even when I knew they were well-intended. The latest entry particularly frustrated me because it hinted at a not-so-stable financial state, which is something I'm even more sensitive about than my bad-hair photos. In my immediate reaction state, I commented on his blog for the very first time and it was a pretty snarky comment. Made him look bad and would have made me look bad too if he hadn't immediately removed it.
After that bitchy comment, he booted me from the blog. No discussion, no second chances.
Until today. When he added me back. No discussion. Well, of course, I immediately caught myself back up, but lesson learned, no comments from this peanut gallery. Though I don't know what to think or do about getting access again, I do know my new mantra: Call the Committee before Commenting.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
Money Matters
I'm reading Cold Mountain right now. There is a section in which it describes Ruby's distrust of scripted money and how worthless it became during the war. I feel like that sometimes, like I don't really understand the value of money. I know that money pays for things and I know approximately what I can get for a dollar. I'm not cheap - I know that to buy a new couch, I'm going to pay approximately x amount of dollars and I know about how much worth it retains after you remove it from the showroom. But I don't know the value of large amounts of money. I just added up the amount of student loans that I owe. I also just consolidated my credit cards. And I am now very concerned for my immediate future. I'm not destitute, a fact that I had to explain in so many words with many numbers included to make my partner understand, but I also don't have a dollar to give. The Fire Department, Special Olympics, For the Children and the Consumers for Organic Products should all take me off their lists.
I'm changing jobs soon and will have a pretty flexible schedule to accommodate another job after I buckle down and complete my thesis and final board exams. I'm catering and taking side jobs (research and computer work) and don't expect not to be able to meet my basic needs. But what about entertainment? What about socializing? What about dating?
I hate the influence that money has on our social lives. Having grown amongst a middle-middle class family and been surrounded by similar people until I went to college (when my classmates never really had their own money either, despite the wealth of their families), classism was always an amorphous concept for me. The issue of class has slowly been getting more and more important to me. In the social network with whom I often socialize, there are a lot of people with a lot of discretionary income. Many of the events are costly and some even list minimum dinner tabs of 25 or 50 dollars. The names of events such as "Classy Night on the Town" suggest in my mind a decided lack of class, but maybe I'm just being defensive. I know I've gone out cocktailing with friends where we specified a more formal dress code - is it the same thing?
I have a couple of friends who are doing quite well, including a long time friend who unexpectedly did very well in his field and another newer friend who invested well early on and is simply put, wealthy. They are very generous with me in terms of our socializing. They seem to recognize the discrepancies in our budgets and compensate by taking me out for drinks or dinner and allowing me to make them dinner or have them over for drinks. We don't discuss this and money has never been an issue in our relationship. With other friends, we just decide on activities that fit our mutual budgets, whatever they may be - sometimes the limits may be mine and sometimes theirs.
The White Trash Series of events started by some friends of mine, one of whom is white and could be described as trashy and the other who is neither white nor particularly publicly trashy brought the issue of class (and racism) to the surface too. I was an am offended by the use of the term White Trash - it is both inherently classist and racist. I explained this to my friend and apparently ruined the concept for him as he only hosted one more event in the series. The events that I attended were a really good time and I enjoyed them - the other events he had described sounded equally fun in a fantastic sort of way: Monster Trucks, Lawn Mower Races, Wiener dog races and roller derby may be low-brow, but I don't think enjoyment of them necessarily makes one trashy.
So, I'm jumping all over the place with this - money and class and back and forth, but it's just such a confusing jumble in my mind. It's a major button for me and it's been pressed lately so I'm just seeking some clarity by writing it out. My dating history includes men of greater and lesser means, most of whom have treated me quite generously. There was only one major instance in which a man not having money interfered with our dating - that was the schmo who invited me out for a movie and then indicated that he didn't have enough to go to dinner beforehand and come to think of it, for the movie at all - and that was just for his half of the Dutch treat! I was more annoyed by his lack of forethought than his lack of funds.
My generosity in return has always been composed of time, fun, enthusiasm, ideas and commitment. As E says, I brought magic to the table. Since I've been always been a student and was open with my dates about my financial status, I felt they understood what they were getting into when they started dating me and could chose to spend or not spend what their own budgets allowed. It's none of my business how they chose to spend their money. Again, it had never been an issue.
You can see the lead up in that it has become an issue of late. I don't know how and I'm not sure the solution, but lately my partner and I are fighting about money. I sometimes offer to pay and am turned down, but he'll unexpectedly ask me to pay for random and strange things, like groceries for his house. He is generally quite generous and I think there is something else at work behind this because it can't really be about the money since his income is on the order of 5x what I bring home. Since I am moving house and starting a new job in the next month, I'm being a little more fiscally conservative lately which only complicates things as I'm so protective of cash so that I can cover move-in costs. It doesn't help that he also advises me to get a really nice place and/or a place big enough for him to move into - things that I really shouldn't afford at this time of transition when I should be saving and looking at the bigger picture.
Oh well, time to go spend a couple hundred getting my hair done.
I'm changing jobs soon and will have a pretty flexible schedule to accommodate another job after I buckle down and complete my thesis and final board exams. I'm catering and taking side jobs (research and computer work) and don't expect not to be able to meet my basic needs. But what about entertainment? What about socializing? What about dating?
I hate the influence that money has on our social lives. Having grown amongst a middle-middle class family and been surrounded by similar people until I went to college (when my classmates never really had their own money either, despite the wealth of their families), classism was always an amorphous concept for me. The issue of class has slowly been getting more and more important to me. In the social network with whom I often socialize, there are a lot of people with a lot of discretionary income. Many of the events are costly and some even list minimum dinner tabs of 25 or 50 dollars. The names of events such as "Classy Night on the Town" suggest in my mind a decided lack of class, but maybe I'm just being defensive. I know I've gone out cocktailing with friends where we specified a more formal dress code - is it the same thing?
I have a couple of friends who are doing quite well, including a long time friend who unexpectedly did very well in his field and another newer friend who invested well early on and is simply put, wealthy. They are very generous with me in terms of our socializing. They seem to recognize the discrepancies in our budgets and compensate by taking me out for drinks or dinner and allowing me to make them dinner or have them over for drinks. We don't discuss this and money has never been an issue in our relationship. With other friends, we just decide on activities that fit our mutual budgets, whatever they may be - sometimes the limits may be mine and sometimes theirs.
The White Trash Series of events started by some friends of mine, one of whom is white and could be described as trashy and the other who is neither white nor particularly publicly trashy brought the issue of class (and racism) to the surface too. I was an am offended by the use of the term White Trash - it is both inherently classist and racist. I explained this to my friend and apparently ruined the concept for him as he only hosted one more event in the series. The events that I attended were a really good time and I enjoyed them - the other events he had described sounded equally fun in a fantastic sort of way: Monster Trucks, Lawn Mower Races, Wiener dog races and roller derby may be low-brow, but I don't think enjoyment of them necessarily makes one trashy.
So, I'm jumping all over the place with this - money and class and back and forth, but it's just such a confusing jumble in my mind. It's a major button for me and it's been pressed lately so I'm just seeking some clarity by writing it out. My dating history includes men of greater and lesser means, most of whom have treated me quite generously. There was only one major instance in which a man not having money interfered with our dating - that was the schmo who invited me out for a movie and then indicated that he didn't have enough to go to dinner beforehand and come to think of it, for the movie at all - and that was just for his half of the Dutch treat! I was more annoyed by his lack of forethought than his lack of funds.
My generosity in return has always been composed of time, fun, enthusiasm, ideas and commitment. As E says, I brought magic to the table. Since I've been always been a student and was open with my dates about my financial status, I felt they understood what they were getting into when they started dating me and could chose to spend or not spend what their own budgets allowed. It's none of my business how they chose to spend their money. Again, it had never been an issue.
You can see the lead up in that it has become an issue of late. I don't know how and I'm not sure the solution, but lately my partner and I are fighting about money. I sometimes offer to pay and am turned down, but he'll unexpectedly ask me to pay for random and strange things, like groceries for his house. He is generally quite generous and I think there is something else at work behind this because it can't really be about the money since his income is on the order of 5x what I bring home. Since I am moving house and starting a new job in the next month, I'm being a little more fiscally conservative lately which only complicates things as I'm so protective of cash so that I can cover move-in costs. It doesn't help that he also advises me to get a really nice place and/or a place big enough for him to move into - things that I really shouldn't afford at this time of transition when I should be saving and looking at the bigger picture.
Oh well, time to go spend a couple hundred getting my hair done.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Overdraft Protection
I used to love my bank. I've been with them for almost 8 years - they're only the second bank I've worked with, but they've held onto my money and given it back when I've asked without charging me and with very little fuss. We only really ever had one disagreement and that was when I used the express deposit box, so really that was just piss-poor planning on my part. Until yesterday.
I'm embarrassed to even write here the extent of my mathematical mis-calculation, but I made an error in my checkbook and overdrew my account. Not by much, but I paid for it by much more. Here's some fast facts that I learned in my banking adventure yesterday:
1. When you overdraw your account, the bank may still pay for those items - Yeah!
2. The bank will charge you EVERY TIME they pay for something on your overdrawn account - Boo!
3. You will be notified when your account is overdrawn - Yeah!
4. ...by USPS - Boo!
5. The bank will reverse some overdraft fees - one reversal is automatic and the bank managers have discretion to reverse more if you sing, dance, reveal your utmost personal financial history, talk about your dog's cancer, your mom's cancer, your own cancer and your desire to cure cancer.
6. Even all of that will probably reverse only one addition fee.
The bank does provide some options to help prevent overdrawing, including drawing from other accounts which would have helped me since I have cash sitting in other accounts at that same bank, however this also incurs fees, and therefore doesn't really address my problem. So I just paid $xxx dollars to learn that I need to keep my checkbook accurately balanced every day and to set up the Internet banking options to tell me my balance anytime it gets below $100!
I'm embarrassed to even write here the extent of my mathematical mis-calculation, but I made an error in my checkbook and overdrew my account. Not by much, but I paid for it by much more. Here's some fast facts that I learned in my banking adventure yesterday:
1. When you overdraw your account, the bank may still pay for those items - Yeah!
2. The bank will charge you EVERY TIME they pay for something on your overdrawn account - Boo!
3. You will be notified when your account is overdrawn - Yeah!
4. ...by USPS - Boo!
5. The bank will reverse some overdraft fees - one reversal is automatic and the bank managers have discretion to reverse more if you sing, dance, reveal your utmost personal financial history, talk about your dog's cancer, your mom's cancer, your own cancer and your desire to cure cancer.
6. Even all of that will probably reverse only one addition fee.
The bank does provide some options to help prevent overdrawing, including drawing from other accounts which would have helped me since I have cash sitting in other accounts at that same bank, however this also incurs fees, and therefore doesn't really address my problem. So I just paid $xxx dollars to learn that I need to keep my checkbook accurately balanced every day and to set up the Internet banking options to tell me my balance anytime it gets below $100!
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