90-10 Take Two

Writing about 90-10'ing reminds me of another way I use this ratio. I really love this one.
It's about how you use things in your life, like say, a room in your house or an item/object. Think of the guest room in your house. Think of how often it is occupied by a guest. What is the percentage of time in a given week, month or year that this room is occupied by a guest? Unless you're the hostest with the mostest, probably less than 10% of the time. So what happens the other 90%?!

I like to plan, organize and arrange things for the 90% of use they will get rather than the 10%. Things can always be adjusted for the 10% times, but I don't want to be adjusting every day when I'm doing my 90%. Here's a few examples:

• In my kitchen, I have a set of white bowls that I use nearly every day. These live on the counter because I'm going to reach for them often enough that I don't even want to have to open a cupboard.
• The guest room at my house is LOVELY. I love looking at it and am excited to have hosted our first guest in it. Can't wait to do it again. But in the meantime, I store my coats in that closet; keep an iron and ironing board handy and accessible, but not in my way; have a place to hang delicates to dry; and store my extra health and beauty supplies. I go in that room almost every day for something.
• My dog's food sits in a canister on the counter because he eats twice every day. Way more important to have the dog food accessible than flour which I might use once a month.
• File folders - I have a file cabinet in a closet deep in my house where I keep old tax files, medical records and old class notes. I have a filing crate next to my desk for insurance claims in progress, bills and other misc I may have to access any given day.

As A and I make decisions about our life, I'm constantly saying, "well, that'll happen 10% of the time, but what about the other 90%?" And generally, this serves me well. Think about it - try it.

Work, More or Less

Recently, my friend suggested that I welcome prosperity into my life and start working less. I didn't get it. Work less? What about my bills? Am I supposed to proceed on the blind faith that my bills will be paid? What about getting something saved? What about improving my quality of life, even a little bit?

"Yes. Don't worry. Yes. Don't worry. Yes, work less," she answered.

I don't hear that answer often. It seems that everyone -my mom, teachers, boss, government - is telling me to work more. A recent article on burnout suggested that you may be burned out or on your way if you routinely work more than 40 hours a week. I work 50 hours most weeks and 60 several, but instead of comparing myself to those working that 40 hour week, I compare myself to those working 80-90 to put food on the table. Mom's arguments are particularly compelling - she worked overtime waiting tables to feed us kids and we never went hungry. It's a different time, though. I don't have kids and could probably benefit from a little hunger.

In this current climate of financial meltdown, I keep reading about retirees going back to work and baby boomers who are just going to have to work a little bit longer. My partner had planned on retiring at 55 and though I hoped he might work a little longer so we might retire together, I did not want it to be forced on him by the slow death of his 401(k). Why is the answer always "more work?" Or more specifically, why is the answer "more work at a job?" I like the idea of opas and abuelos working with the children, in the garden patch or at educating and guiding our young adults, but I think it's a special form of American cruelty that ties us for longer years to a desk, production line or fast food joint.

It's a depressing time, so perhaps watching some good videos like Obama's talks leadership or Be The Change is in order. And maybe, just maybe, I should try working less. After all, I've been working more for a long time and that's not getting me anywhere fast.

Every Friggin Day

My friends from DC were here since Wednesday and I spent every evening with them. Wednesday night, we met for dinner and planned to see a show. When showtime turned out to be 11 instead of 9, we all admitted that the show was just a great way to choose the venue and we were there for the company anyways. Thursday, I went to a game night to see them and was disappointed that I didn't get them all to myself, but practiced my sharing skills and eventually got to play with my friends again. Friday, typical date night, we had dinner and a movie. Delicious middle eastern food and Burn After Reading. And, finally, Saturday, visits to my and E's shops and some rice pudding, hugs and tears as we said goodbye. I had told them I was keeping my schedule open to spend as much time as possible with them while they were here, but never expected it to work out that way.

It was wonderful to spend some time with them, but I definitely was feeling my routine blown a bit. Yesterday, I came home after work and got several hours to putz around the house before meeting them and that was great. So now I find myself wondering about things I do every day and things I don't. I recently set a goal to take and post (to a different site) one photograph every day. My first day was easy, that was the day I set the goal and the goal came after the first photo which was really cool and jumped out at me on its own. The second day, no photo, but I posted one on the third day and pre-dated it the second day. Since then (4 days later), no photos taken or posted. Maybe that has something to do with how I did spend the last 4 days, but I also think it's a goal-setting issue that I have.

I set high goals - realistically or not - of doing certain things perfectly. Post a photo everyday, and make sure it's a good one. Give up soda pop everyday for a month. Do X, Y or Z consistently or everyday. When I miss a day or mess up, I have trouble continuing - this, of course, is the curse of perfectionism. One can't actually live up to the perfectionist ideal that exists only in our heads, so we do nothing. I think that's one reason I actually blog so much - it's easy to blog everyday or regularly because I don't consider this a priority, I don't try to write anything particularly deep or well, and I don't feel obligated either way to write or not write. It's just something fun for fun.

I think goals are important and wouldn't want to be without goals, but I think this is worth thinking about some more. Perhaps I would do better with hobbie-related goals that are about attaining a skill or skill level or trying something new rather than about consistency, especially since my schedule is so packed with work. So, my modified photography goals is to take and post photos on that other site from time to time. And my modified fun goal is to have some, every day. Oops, I did it again.

Another List of Ways to Improve My Outlook

"Sorry, it'll get better when..." has become a mantra for me. Mostly in my relationship with A, but also with other friends (and family?), I find myself reciting this. Things will get better when some external force in my life gets better. No. Things will get better when I decide to make it better. I have found myself promising change to my partner for months (years?) without changing anything other than the excuse and I'm fairly ashamed of myself. Not deep-shame-ashamed, but embarrassed-ashamed. I'm constantly encouraging A to adjust and change and open up, but I think I need to change just as much (more?). So, what can I do? This is what I can do:

1. Change my work schedule.
I've been promising to get weekends off for months (years?) and still work Saturdays. Having Sundays off is a boon and really helps, but it's the only day off and that's taking its toll on me. In October, I plan to ask for a change in my schedule. I'm not sure what that's going to look like, but my plan is to change the schedule in October, work less by January and have weekends off by next May. Stay tuned for progress.

2. Deal with stress.
I think I'm just not dealing right now. I need to develop some routines that will help me come home without carrying the stress of my jobs. The long slow drive home through the country is really nice and maybe starting going to the gym (next week?) again will help. Walking the dog is a nice activity, as is working and cooking in the kitchen.

3. Apologize for my mistakes and not make excuses.
First it was being in school, then it was studying for boards, then it was opening my business, lately it's been the move and now it's not being settled (unpacked). These are all perfectly good reasons to have stress, but not good reasons for treating my partner like crap. I have been a bitch sometimes and need to acknowledge that, apologize for it sincerely and try not to let it happen again.

5. I need to lighten up and have some fun!
A really likes getting out and being social. I remember when I did, too, but lately even playing seems like work. I think I need to have some real fun with my close friends so I remember that I like playing with others.

6. Eat, sleep, move.
Okay, it's not as catchy or as new age as Eat, Pray, Love, but we all gotta do those things, too.

Okay, I'm moving now...moving straight away from this computer.

It Goes To Show You Never Can Tell...

I just read a letter from a male friend who recently moved back to the Midwest and got married. When we met, a friend of mine briefly considered dating him, but didn't because of his no-marriage attitude. He was very firmly against marriage and said he didn't even want to be someone's boyfriend - no commitments, he said. Now he's happily married with a baby on the way and considering moving to Russia if his wife's immigration does not go through. We say a lot of things about what we will and won't do, what we stand for, etc, but really, I think you don't know until you're in the position to make that decision for real. Maybe you will go with what you've always said, but maybe, just maybe, you'll take a leap and try something that doesn't feel so natural.

I hope that I am strong enough and courageous enough to do both.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Off to a ... Start

Woke up early to take the dog out and now I'm just...up. Went to bed blessedly early last night, although I may have stayed awake in bed until the usual later hour, I feel rested just by having been lying down for longer. Mondays are my "on my feet all day" days and I always come home a little cranky and with slightly sore legs. What is it about standing that makes legs ache? Seems like I can walk much longer than I can stand. Back to today. I tried to go back to bed, but sleep wouldn't come and then I realized I'd been playing a game on my cell phone for about 20 minutes trying to wait for tired eyes to come (somehow tiring my eyes seems to signal my brain and help me fall asleep - maybe an old habit from reading in bed) with no results, so I decided not to waste the day playing games but to get up and get going. This was not a graceful decision - I resent not being asleep in bed.

But I also felt hungry while lying in bed playing said game, so I thought, "at least I'm up early and have plenty of time to make a yummy breakfast." What to make? I'm trying to avoid eggs right now and don't have any in the house, so that's out. I've eaten toast more than I care to admit this week, including three pieces with fake cheese and fake meat last night for dinner, so that's out. Hmmm...ooh! How about a delicious blackberry-banana smoothie? Sounds good, right? Somehow it came out bitter, but I'm too cheap to throw it out and make something else. So, I'm out of the gate, but so far the day is a little rocky. I'm confident it will get better.

Especially since I feel excited to work on the projects of the day and have some fun appointments. Here's today's to-do's:

• Work on my web essay (while lying in bed, I thought of the perfect intro to my subject!)
• Walk the dog
• Mail my tax forms back (yes, all I have to do is sign and affix stamp, but I'm out of stamps, so I haven't done it yet. If I walk the dog to the store for stamps, I'll have fed two birds with one seed.)
• Acupuncture appt at 12
• Work on side job for 2 hours (I talked to my friend who also works on this same project and she agrees that 2 hours is about the realistic limit for any one go at this intense project)
• Clean off my desk
• Go to the bank
• Go look at wedding dresses with a friend (for her, not me)

Since I've now already gone through my email and blogged, I guess it's time to jump into the list. I'll add checkmarks towards the end of the day for the items that get completed.

Late Addendum: For some reason, I can't seem to add a checkmark, but suffice it to say I did everything on the list except the side job and dog walk. And I added in the following that were also completed:

• making and going to a dentist appt
• making a doctor's appt
• buying canisters for the many flours and bulk items I have lining my counters

Busy Doing Something Close to Nothing

I made the following list at work of things to do when I got home tonight. It’s quite ambitious and some of the items are more reminders of things I have to do later than things I actually wanted to complete. I made the list even knowing that I had a friend coming over for dinner and that I would lose an hour to daylight savings time if I changed my clocks before I went to bed. This is what drives me crazy – I plan/try/intend/hope to accomplish way more than is actually feasible. The items with checks show the things I accomplished.

• a Walk dog
• Deal with mail
• Make plan for week (contact MPC, JC, SB, ML)
• Clean house
• a Laundry
• Move stuff to garage
• Budget
• Vision board
• Gym
• Food (including dehydrating multiple types of foods, making cheese sauce, hummus and guacamole)
• a Update blog (this subject, driving rant, friendship)
• Thesis
• Gym
• Side job research

My friend actually arrived to my home just before I got there – she let herself in and took the dog out, which was nice, but which also meant no down time for me. Reminder: this is why I like living alone – transition time, alone time, quiet time. Why would I want to give that up? So anyway, you’ll note on the list is a suggestion to blog about “busy getting nothing done” – this is what I mean, so I guess I can check that off the list.

Time Out

I'm a bit anti-social and it feels good. After I worked yesterday (which was particularly exhausting since I started working at 7am!), I came home and didn't do anything. I didn't call anyone, I didn't answer the phone. I didn't send any text messages with E, despite her voicemail and later text asking "is everything ok?" I did very briefly chat with A just to set up plans not to see one another.

I got into my pajamas and watched a silly movie. Then I watched Coupling on Netflix. Then I blogged a bit, went back into the kitchen to make vegan Cashew Cheez and Aloha Pate, which require no cooking, but a fair bit of food processing and went back to bed, where I was asleep by 10. Needless to say, I was up before the alarm today and feel great this morning.

I don't want this to become set in stone, but I think I might take a Time Out at least once per week. I feel fantastic. Not lonely, but yet rejuvenated and a bit of longing to see friends. Does that make me an introvert, despite my social nature?

Cloth Napkins and Domestication

I feel like I've become suddenly domesticated. I've been working on unpacking and setting up my new place for the past weekish with the exception of this weekend when I went camping. When my boyfriend came and looked around for the first time since I unpacked a box, he said he could see the woman's touch I had.

And now I find myself ironing. Not the shirt I need for an interview later today, but my table linens. How did this happen?!

When you get into 'THE REAL WORLD'...

Three words I really hate: THE REAL WORLD. I've been a student virtually all of my life. Since the age of four with one year off for good behavior. So I've heard this phrase a lot, especially since I became an 'adult' at the age of 18. At the age of 18, I moved out of my parents home never to return and went to school, paying most of my way with scholarships that I earned and loans that I am now paying back.


My year off, immediately after college, wasn't spent touring around Europe on a trust fund or lounging on beaches surfing all day because that part of the world just wasn't that expensive. I moved out of state, got a job and starting getting ready for grad school.


In grad school, I started to understand a little of what people were saying, because the difficulty level went up considerably over college and even over working full time. Life was hard - I don't even like to think of how hard! But that's not even what people meant by THE REAL WORLD.


I think they just mean their world. Whatever their world looks like - whatever grim stressers present themselves to that person every day. If working at jobs I love in a city that thrives is the real world, I'll take it. Yes, I can't wait to get into the real world - I can't wait to be paid a living wage for every hour that I've worked and have my free time be my own without guilt that I should be studying. I can't wait to be able to schedule my vacations any time I want and not just during Christmas or summer holidays.


My very good friend S pointed out that the people who say "wait until..." are the same people who say "enjoy it while you're young" and they are just jealous. I like her advise, which is to just say "I love you even though you're jealous." And I would add, "Just you wait until I'm in the real world!"

Cl-Open and The New Schedule

It's 1:21 am and where are your children? Just kidding - the real query is: why am I awake and blogging when I had to work until 11pm at my old store and am opening the new store at 8am. My store actually has a policy against Cl-open's as they are called, because even with a policy against them, they still happen often enough that they need a catchy mnemonic. The store policy is that you have to get at least 11 hours between shifts, so I technically shouldn't be closing and opening on two consecutive days, but since "the schedule is already done," was the response I got when I reminded my old scheduler that I was opening tomorrow, I decided to just suck it up for one day. After all, she'll be stuck there still doing cl-opens, while I'm moving on to The New Schedule.

The New Schedule is and isn't great. It's 3 full days a week, which is fewer than half the days of a week, but longer than half a work week. That gives me a nice paycheck compared to my one shift a week paychecks of yore, but the days happen to include Saturday and Sunday, the only full days that my boyfriend and friends are all off work. Luckily, I have the evenings free, though it does limit how much late night activity I can participate in. That could be a good thing, though. For my own edification and because I just love lists and schedules, here's an idea of how I have my schedule planned:

Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday:
8am : wake, walk dog, breakfast
9am : gym, shower
11am-1pm : work on thesis (for the next week or so : unpack)
1pm : lunch
2pm-5pm : work on thesis or special projects
5pm-10pm : fun time with friends

Thursday/Saturday/Sunday:
6am : wake, walk dog, breakfast, shower
8am-5pm : work
5pm-10pm : fun time

Friday:
Sleep In, Clean House, Run Errands, Free Day!

I wanted to list all the "special projects" that I'm hoping to work on, but when I do that it just starts to look like a task list instead of a list of fun or useful things I'd like to do. I'll just maintain the list in my head or better yet, look around my condo and garage if I'm ever not sure what they are - they're all right there in front of me, either because I bought the supplies for that really fun project or because it's the box of unorganized do-da's that I haven't gone through yet!
For now, my project is "fall asleep quick," because caffeine or no, I've got a big day ahead of me tomorrow.

I Hope I Still <3 Living Alone

Found a new place to move into. Excited about it and a little scared too. It's a go, so pro's and con's aren't relevant to the decision, but here are some of the ones I think about:

Pro: Coming home to the home in the same state I left it, keeping the house in any state or cleanliness or mess that feels good to me
Con: Having permission to keep the house in disarray, not having someone to help me clean

Pro: Not having to go up and down two flights of stairs every time I forget my keys, phone, wallet, shoes, hat, umbrella, drink, dog, etc.
Con: Gaining weight from the quick drop in my daily activity level

Pro: Getting new stuff for the house, decorating it in my style with things I like
Con: Not having things that my housemate had and I need, having to spend the money to get things I need (like curtains!)

Pro: Having parties again! Game night, cocktails, dinner parties, here I come!
Con: No Essential Rumi to cohost with me...and help me clean up!

Pro: Having people visit - my first houseguest is likely to be the month I move in when my friend J comes to visit from Atlanta.
Con: NONE! There is nothing wrong with that - I love having friends stay with me and my new couch is super comfy for overnights, so that should be a blast.

Pro: Lots of things in walking distance. Per www.walkscore.com, the walkscore at my new place is 6 points higher than my current place.
Con: NONE! Maybe walking to the store will help make up for the lack of stairs.

Pro: Taking the dog out will be easier and there is a great walking trail beside two ponds.
Con: NONE! Anything that makes walking the dog easier is great!

Pro: Personal space for personal things.
Con: NONE! :)

Con: Feeling less than safe living alone on the first floor with a sliding glass door.
Con: Feeling lonely (potentially).
Pro: I can call my good friend and new neighbor NPR to come kill spiders, check the closets and visit with me anytime!

I do so hope that I still enjoy living alone!

5 Reasons My Trainer is Going to Throw Back In My Face to Keep Me Buying Sessions I Can't Afford

Useful exercise, but decided not to buy more sessions. Trainer offered a free session for the following week to 'help' me decide, but I had an appointment during our time.

At any rate, these are the reasons I gave:

Accountability
Motivation
Knowledge
Experience
Results
Optimism

Yes, a trainer is very useful, but I highly recommend taking regular breaks from them for perspective. Also, I think it's more useful during the times of year when a) one's schedule is somewhat regular, b) one's income is regular and c) one is less likely to be active on one's own.

PS - I found the little card on which I wrote those reasons and decided that optomism bears explaining even if it's only for my own reference later. My body is amazing! My body is strong! Workign with my trainer helped me remember what my body-mind is capable of and that is a lot! I can do anything for 1 minute and by extension, I can do anything! Yes, that's useful to remember.

IPod People

I've started commuting by train. So much for biking to school 5x spring term (per my 101 goals), but as they say, you learn something even in not meeting goals. My friend said I should make my goals more general, so that I could bike to school 5x this summer when I have more time, but that wasn't the point. I did learn that I'm probably not a bike commuter - it's just not a high priority for me, although I do enjoy recreational biking and running errands on my bike. (Please note that I haven't completely given up hope as there are still 7 days left that I have to go to school and I consider riding my bike to the train to count - there's creative math for you.)

On the train, though, I've noticed a disturbing phenomenon: The IPod People. As I listen to my MP3 player (sadly not an IPod, but a perfectly serviceable SanDisc) on the train too, I don't mean to criticize. But I find it disturbing that we're looking away to avoid one anothers' eyes, reading or pretending to so as not to notice the father who really needs a seat for himself and his child and we're listening to our tunes so intently that we fail to hear when a friendly voice says "hello."

As we file up and down the stairs on the way to the train with plugs in our ears and the sounds of ____ filling us with joy/grief/beats/memories/peace, who are we? Who is the handsome big blond man in khakis and a blue shirt that brings out his uncovered eyes? Who is the young harelipped man in a trendy shirt and new sneakers? Who is the black guy with the afro, huge glasses and great belt? Who is the young woman dressed all in black peering out at them from behind sunglasses that cover half her face? And more importantly, what are they listening to?

If we don't speak to one another, can we separate our identities from our appearance?

My friend told me recently that she never thinks of me as someone who wears only black, but I can count the number of days this week that I've worn another color. Okay, I wore other colors everyday - I wore a suit of pale linen to class on Tuesday before putting on my black uniform, I wore pink underwear on Wednesday and I'm wearing an olive green tank top under my black shirt today. I'm glad she doesn't think of me that way, because I'm not making a statement, protesting or even grieving by wearing black. I just like it. I like the neutral feeling and I like the fact that it all goes together without question. In pondering the black clothing issue, it's almost like I use the black as the backdrop so that my personality can be the part that shines, the part that's interesting. Almost, because I never really gave it that much thought or planning. Good thing my earbuds are black, too.

When I Get Things Done

My housemate and I had a brief row this morning due to my "energetic" nature this morning. I went to bed last night about 10pm and fell straight to sleep. When my alarm started going off at 6, I was ready to get up. I started my day by mopping the entry where Plum and Chibo had a urine fight, making dog food, loading the dishwasher and cleaning my room. It was amazing feeling like I'd already gotten so many things done before I even left for work and reminds me that I'm really a morning person.

Now the question is how to use that information. Do I get up and go the gym? Do I just do my house chores? Do I sit down at the computer and work on my case paper or thesis? I think it will be the latter because this is definitely the only thing I can NOT do past about 10pm. It is getting harder than ever to stay up much past then let alone get anything useful done.

I also learned in the last several weeks that I can't do homework during class (unless it's for that class) - something about looking in books strikes me as far worse in terms of disrespect than doing something on my computer (which we all use in class, because our notes are all electronic) when the instructor doesn't know what I'm doing. This also applies in clinic when I don't have patients. I try reading or working on my thesis and it just doesn't work. So, at clinic and in class, I track my food (I record everything I eat), write my blogs, catch up on email and now I also read my acupuncture board review materials. It's helpful that they are in one easy-to-carry spiral bound book and it's actually not a bad reference when I need to look up some point.

Not the most interesting of blogs today, but practical. Like me.

I <3 Living Alone

I've stayed in various of my homes alone for different lengths of time, but I've only lived alone twice. Once for about four months and once for one year. I LOVED it both times. My housemate is out of town this week from Thursday thru Sunday. I got home last night and immediately started preparing dinner for my boyfriend's imminent arrival, so I don't think I got the full flavor that I was coming home to an empty house.

The words "empty house" seem to have such a negative connotation, but I am thrilled by them. I love that my dog is waiting just for me. I love that everything is in the same place I left it. I love that there is no one to blame this mess on. Even when it's scary or lonely, I love living alone. I've been so anxious in my relationship to move it to the next level (i.e., moving in together), that I forgot that there is this whole other way of living that I'm actually not done with. I want to live alone again. Moreover, I want to live alone with means. The last time I lived alone, I lost my job and had to sell my car and nearly my body on the street just to pay my rent. What a different experience it will be to live alone as a professional working normal hours and making a living wage.

I want to have a fabulous home and fill it with things that I love. I want people to really get a sense of who I am when they walk into my space. I want to entertain and invite people into my sacred space who really deserve to be there.

I want to come home at the end of a long day at the end of a long week, kick my shoes off and not shower for three days while I consume the entire contents of my fridge and catch up on my favorite TV shoes on Tivo. I want to get Tivo! I am not only not ready to move in with my partner, I am ready to move out from my housemate. I'm ready to be a single mom of my rowdy three year old [dog] and I'm ready to unapologetically create the life I want to live. I'm ready to figure out what I want my life to be like without compromises for financial or interpersonal reasons.

But I'm not ready to do all that until after I take my board exams! Til then, I'm going to snuggle into my roommate's couch and try to enjoy all the benefits of living with her. She's a fabulous 'wife' and 'mother' and I'm grateful for her, too!