Getting Excited About Raw Again

Working my last weekend at the market and trying to be very diligent, but it's challenging. A is picking me up here after work, we're buying some sack suppers and heading out to a concert at the zoo. Meeting many friends, including some who planned a "masala" wedding and now have a lovely child, with whom A is smitten. Should be fun.

In the meantime, I've eaten both a bagel and macaroni and cheese today, but am dreaming about raw food. I want a Vita Mix blender so bad that I'm considering just purchasing one on my credit card. Oh, bad American! Slap to the wrist. Anyways, I got ahold of this book from a friend of mine and can't wait to make some of the recipes in it. The pictures make the food look mouth-watering-ly delicious!

I mentioned the possibility of a raw entree at our wedding, but A thinks not so much. I reminded him of his earlier assertion that it's my wedding and I should have it the way I want it. I am tempted to ask for some really off the wall things just to see how far I can push it. At any rate, having a raw entree doesn't seem like such a wild idea to me. If everyone selected this option, we could have trouble keeping up, but I think most people would not be into it. But I know that I and my lady-in-waiting* certainly would.

*I haven't chosen or requested anyone to be in my bridal party yet as I'm waiting for a count from A, but assuming I have any bridal party, I assume she is waiting to be asked, hence, lady-in-waiting. And it's very regal and even though I don't really want to be a princess and certainly don't want to be a princessa and just is fun to say.

Wedding Registry

It's interesting trying to think of things to go on a wedding registry when A and I both already had a pretty well set up household before we moved in together and I'm trying to clear even more clutter now that we're keeping house together for good. Some friends told me not to forget sheets and towels - they registered for Ralph Lauren sheets when they married 11 years ago and are still using them and have about 40 towels that allow them to have some in the wash and never run out.

It would be easy for me to put a lot of decorative serving ware on a registry, but I think of that stuff as a bit of fluff - what if I miss something that would be quite good on the registry?

And do we register for things like silver silverware and china? I don't know if A and I are really china and silver people, but maybe if we had such, we would be...?

And some of the items that make my wish list are items for which it would be difficult to register without having a separate "wish list" on the registry list site - for example, items not available through a big box or chain store and a particular sporting good.

On another hand, I remember when A and I have used registries to buy gifts for people's weddings and struggled to find gifts that reflected our shared experience of that couple...how do we put items on the list that our friends and family will also want to give us?

And there is something to adjust to in the idea of making a list of gifts that we want...I mean, it feels a little strange, a little selfish and more than a little greedy. I'm glad I put our wedding website through the I Do Foundation so that we (and our friends and family) can at least know that if people do choose to buy items from our registry that part of the purchase price will be donated to charity.

If this is supposed to be the fun part, I wonder how well I'll enjoy the rest of the wedding planning process...

I'm Engaged ... So Now What?!

It's funny, because I remember A regularly mentioning us getting married early on in our relationship and me kind of freaking out. He was very superior when he would say, "well, clearly, you're just not ready for that yet," but I think he was always a little relieved. Well, now we're engaged and all the things that used to freak me out have faded out for a new batch of OMGs.

How to announce our engagement, for example...his parents were traveling with us when we got engaged and I called my parents right away. His parents took on calling his extended family and I'll get around to calling mine sometime...(see?!) After my parents were notified, I told A he could put it online if he wanted so many of our friends found out through Facebook, which seems pretty weird, but which, I was reassured, was fine. I asked a married gal pal how she did her announcements and she said that no matter how people find out, the important part is that we're engaged and that people get to share our happy news. But also, do I tell people who probably don't care? It's weird talking about it at work in front of people who don't care without including them...but I also don't want to force them to congratulate me or listen to my romantic sap. And does sending an announcement, even an informal one, automatically construe an invitation to the wedding?!

I also get a case of the heebee-OM-geebees from the rock on my finger. I'm very conscious of it and my hand feels like it's suddenly reached ginormous proportions. I think everyone must notice this sudden sparkly new addition to my usually nonexistent accessories, but no one really does. So do I shove it into people's faces with the announcement? That seems gauche, but seriously, it's gorgeous and I want people to see it! A did such a great job finding me a vintage ring. When I think about it, I really sent him down a rabbit hole with that request. It wasn't that I specifically wanted a vintage ring, but that I did NOT want a blood diamond, so new diamonds were out and after we went to Malloy Jewelry, we knew I really liked the vintage 1920's styles. But I'm also really afraid of hurting the ring and am always checking to make sure the diamond is still in there.

Lots of questions, few answers. When? Where? Engagement party? I told A that we should just enjoy being engaged for a little while before we start making these major decisions, but then he came back with a proposed location for the wedding, so I guess we're starting planning sooner than I expected. Whew, it's been a nice week enjoying the engagement - time to get down to business! Here we go...

Relationship Building ... Thru Tetris?

We got a couple of my old favorite video games for Wii - Dr. Mario and Tetris. They are both just like the classic games, but Tetris has a few other features that are pretty fun. In Wii Tetris Party, up to 4 people can play at a given time and there are lots of different competitions available. There is also a cooperative mode that A and I have been playing with mixed results. In this mode, both players get the long straight peice, but only one player gets all the squares, L's and J's and the other player gets all of the T's, S's and Z's.

We've found several ways that Cooperative Tetris is like a relationship:

1. Team building - We're working together to clear lines off the screen and that requires figuring out how we want to do certain things. Just like in our relationship when we're trying to accomplish something or just get along. We noticed that when we don't talk about our strategies, we don't do as well. Point taken, I hope.

2. Stress management - When the pieces start coming more quickly or if we make a mistake and things start stacking up, we find ourselves freaking out and sometimes even yelling at one another! Yeah, it's only a game, but think about it - when stresses start building up in a relationship, how do you cope?

3. Seeing the other's point of view. - Despite playing this game a lot, A and I have always played the same side - I've always had the Z's and S's and he's always had the L's and J's - until last night. After getting frustrated with me for always "coming over to his side," A decided we should switch roles and see how we did. I compared it to a role play like a counselor might suggest - he had no idea how hard it was to play with those pieces and understood my strategies and invasions into his territory so much better. And I got a window into why my coming over to his territory would be so annoying to him.

I don't necessarily think any counselors are going to be prescribing team Tetris for couples having trouble, but I do find myself surprised at the lessons from this unexpected source. Just another reminder that when the student is ready, the teacher will be there.

Cruising Day 4: Ocho Rios, Jamaica

Wedding Day!

Holy moley. More chaos. Never having helped a bride prepare herself the day of a wedding, I simply had no idea. No idea whatsoever. Madness. Because the bride wanted to honor the tradition of her husband not seeing her before the wedding, she and A switched rooms for the night. She brought her things down the night before and stayed with me. Her best friend planned to join us in the morning, but that hamburger illness prevented her from joining us until much later. The breakfast I ordered got cold, the bag I packed with the wedding critical items was unpacked, her hair wouldn't do what we needed it to do, I didn't know how to do x, y or even simple z, why is that person in our room - get out of here, it's time to leave, oh shit.

Dressed in a simple white halter top bathing suit with a white sarong around her waste and a pashmina over her shoulders, the bride was beautiful as all brides are. We kept her surrounded so that her groom wouldn't see her despite being only 20 feet apart, we seated her at the back of the bus that ferried our large and noisy group to a private beach where chairs and a huppah were set up for the wedding. The huppah was simply bamboo stakes with some tulle thrown over it and flowers tied to the corners. Simple, elegant, the stuff of wedding fantasies. The Portuguese-Jamaican rabbi performed a beautiful ceremony and the two were wed.

After the ceremony, delicious eats, photos and a little play in the sand. Then it was back to the ship to change clothes. Most of the group proceeded to Dunn's Falls, while A and I headed into Ocho Rios for a little look-see. We ended up at Margaritaville, where it was the woman's fault - specifically, my fault that A got more than a little tipsy - because in addition to the free shot he got for showing up and his very strong mojito, I made him drink the test tube of rum that came with my daiquiri. What I didn't know was that was the rum meant to go in my drink! So, while I enjoyed my virgin lime daiquiri, A got silly on more rum than he had intended to drink. We had to stop at Margaritaville in honor of my mom, but what I didn't realize is that they are all over the Caribbean - we saw one at each of our later stops as well. It was fun, though.

That evening was fun, fun, fun on the ship, too with an ice show and Love and Marriage Game Show (basically, the newlywed game). Unfortunately, our bride and groom were not there to participate, but it's probably better off for them, as there were snickers and cheers every time we came across one the couples from the game for the rest of the cruise.

What I Learned:

1. Destination weddings are a LOT of work.
2. Destination weddings are worth the work.
3. There is a reason people wed and honeymoon on Jamaica.
4. Some places serve the alcohol for your mixed drink separately.
5. If you break your leg walking over Dunn's Falls while on a cruise, you'll be treated at a local hospital and put back on the boat. (Yes, this really happened, though not to a member of my party.)

My Favorite Part: The wedding.

Cruising Day 3: Labadee, Haiti

There were 2 main options on Haiti - shopping or relaxing - and in my opinion, the two were mutually exclusive. I don't like shopping anyway, but I especially did not enjoy shopping on Haiti where the products were indistinguishable one from the other and the sellers were pushy and insistent. It's a cultural difference and though I can't put it to words, that's probably one of the greater lessons I learned - about different cultural norms. A and I did shop a bit, though, purchasing a mask and a painting for our house.

Before the shopping, we lay in a hammock in the shade and I had an idea of what an affluent island lifestyle might be like if I chose it - I think I would love it. After shopping, we hit the water in a tandem kayak. Kayaking there was a mixed bag. As inexperienced as we are, we'd clearly done more kayaking than some of the others in our group. Our excursion leader kept us together at a pace that all could match, so A and I were chomping to go a little farther, a little faster. As we approached a secluded beach, I was excited to get to see part of the island the others cruisers would miss until I noticed more sellers in the shade beneath the trees. They helped pull our boats onto the beach then it was "please let me show you something," "I make a special deal for you, today only," and even, "if you don't buy from me, my family suffers." I was very frustrated to be paying for an excursion that left us no choice but to either ignore the Haitians or feign interest in their products. The kayaking was good, though, and I learned to trust in A's stearing and balance as there were many waves from the various motorized watercraft in our vicinity.

After that we just hung out in the ocean with a couple of beers and a couple of friends. Oh yes, I would love this life.

What I Learned:

1. Destination weddings are a lot of work.
2. Scupper plugs are a worthwhile investment for sit-on-top kayaks.
3. Don't eat the hamburgers. [One of our companions got really sick - no one else got sick from eating them, but I'd rather stay veggie and avoid the ground beef.]
4. Get details about shore excursions before signing up.
5. Don't expect to get to know the locals or even be more than a blip on their radar when participating in a cruise - it would take a very different kind of vacation to have that kind of experience.

My Favorite Part: Feeling totally warm and relaxed in the hammock with A.

Cruising Day 2: At Sea

We spent the first day of the cruise at sea, heading towards Haiti. A and I toured the ship which had a rock climbing wall and onboard surfing as well as an adult-only swimming area, kids only gaming areas, movie theater, production show theater, 3 story dining room and more. It was incredible. What a ship! I also participated in a Sudoku challenge that day and almost won, but some amazing Sudoku-ing genius showed up late and finished 10 seconds before me. I was still given a prize, a Royal Caribbean luggage tag, for finishing second. Win, lose or draw, it was fun to compete.

At dinner, A and I got to feel very brave ordering escargot off the dinner menu, having eaten it on our previous cruise. It was delicious again and the better part of the food. Throughout the cruise, A and I agreed that the food was ok, probably better on our previous cruise (although that may be rose-colored glasses) and that the simpler items on the menu were better than the more complex.

That evening the younger cruisers met up at the bride and groom's room to open a "special" bottle of champagne and go our separate ways for bachelor and bachelorette parties. The champagne was a bottle from the bride's friend's wedding 12 years prior - at the time, the friend handed our bride the bottle, saying, we'll drink this at your wedding, expecting her friend to follow her down the aisle within the year. When that didn't happen, she promptly forgot about the bottle, but our bride did not. She brought the bottle on the cruise and we took it to the champagne bar to be opened and poured. It looked like beer and smelled like acetone and after several toasts (I hate it when brides demand that everyone make a toast - this is my second experience with that and it was just as awkward with this small group), we threw it out and ordered a fresher bottle.

After drinking this much nicer bottle, the men departed to eyeball the "cradles" (the groom's term for young women) on the ship or whatever it is that bachelors do. We ladies hung out longer in the champagne bar getting to know one another better then headed over to karaoke. We were having so much fun that the other two gals went to get the guys to join us - unfortunately, by the time they got back (sans gentlemen, who had already dispersed), it was over. This a strange character of events at sea - nothing lasts very long. The karaoke was only scheduled for 1 hour. We headed over to the nightclub and danced for a few minutes before, we, too, decided to cut it off. After dropping the other gals at their floors, I headed down to the pizza parlor and had a slice with A and the groom.

What I Learned:

1. Destination weddings are a lot of work.
2. Having a highlighter for the cruise compass would be handy.
3. You can always find members of your group wherever there is late night food.

My Favorite Part: Getting to know our cruise companions.

Cruising Day 1: Leaving Miami

Got up later than expected and chaos ensued. How to get 25 people staying at 3+ locations, all their luggage and 15-20 gift bags to the pier terminal and onto the boat using only a minivan? Patience, lots of patience. Lucky for A and I, who don't function well when we aren't fed well, the bride's family had planned ahead and called us all into their room to start the day with a meal together. Yeah! Despite the madness, we all made in onto the boat and the cruise departed on time.

What I Learned:

1. Destination weddings are a lot of work.
2. Gift bags are a lot of work.
3. Every adult should be responsible for their own baggage, their own transportation, and their own room number. [I was none of the above, but I think it would have been less stressful for everyone involved if every adult took those on.]
4. If I'm not going to eat it at lunch, I shouldn't take it with me.

My Favorite Part: Getting away from it all!

Pre-Cruising

Flying to Fort Lauderdale, FL today for cruise vacation. Wedding of A's best friend, same folks we recently saw in AZ will be in Jamaica on Friday. Cruising on the Freedom of the Seas, the biggest and rated best cruise ship in the world. Has a rock climbing wall and a a flowrider where you can surf right on the ship! Pretty amazing.

Arrived in FL exhuasted, but excited. A and I weren't sure we were going to make it to the wedding, but the bride worked hard to make sure we made it - and did NOT tell her groom. When he got to the airport, she made him stay there and eat as he arrived an hour earlier than us. She kept him looking at her as we walked up to them - his reaction was priceless when A tapped him on the shoulder.

That evening A and I helped the bride put together gift bags for everyone on the cruise, including waterproof disposable cameras, sunscreen, lip balm, gum, kleenex, lotion, body wash and beach towels. We ordered pizza into the condo, had a few drinks and went to sleep as early as we could since we were asked to go the peir early to facilitate the group's departure the next day.

What I Learned:

1. Destination weddings are a lot of work
2. Gift bags are a lot of work
3. Everybody loves surprises
4. Everybody loves pizza
5. Carry on should have clothing to change into immediately on arrival or better yet, on the plane, when changing climates.

My Favorite Part: Surprising the groom.

Permission Slip: Never to Read Good Books Part 2

It's a strange day and I find myself needing something to do. Having already rearranged all my furniture this week, it's time to move things in and out of the house. In addition to hauling certain belongings to and fro the garage, I'm taking books to the bookstore. Lucky for me, they purchase lots of used books and I have more than a few to spare.

It's hard to give up some books that I really think I'll never read, so in the spirit of permission and knowing I can always find them again if I need them, here's a list of a few that are hard to let go:

• In the Shadow of Man by Jane van Lawick Goodall - a great read, but my strong admiration for Mrs. Goodall does not mean that I must keep each and every one of her books in my house.
• Through a Window by Jane Goodall - likewise.
• Are We Unique? by James Trefil - a journey about human and other intelligence
• Edison's Eve by Gaby Wood - mechanical life and artificial intelligence, I expressed interest in this book years ago at a new acquaintance's house and she bought me my own copy, which has remained sadly unread. I know longer remember the name of the acquaintance nor have I read the book, so despite my renewed interest on reading the back, it must go.
• Animal Minds by Donald Griffin - more of the same.

Okay, maybe I'm not ready to let these go. They're staying, along with Pasta e Verdura (Pasta and Vegetables), a cookbook full of pasta sauce recipes. My recent interest in pasta has secured its place on my shelf. I have about 9 books of my own that might actually make it out the door and a bag in the garage that I'm not going to go through - it's just going straight to the store. And then I'm picking up Joining Hands and Hearts for the wedding I'm doing in a couple weeks.

My Best Friends' Weddings

My friend is getting married, but she's not having a wedding. Or a reception. Okay, that's not entirely true, because she and her partner are having a very small ceremony to exchange vows and rings, but they aren't inviting, well, anyone. And I am having a reaction to this. It has happened before and that's part of it. She deserves better and that's part of it. But probably the biggest part of it is that it's hard when the nature of friendships change. It's hard to swallow that my presence is not only not the most important thing, but seemingly not even a little bit important.

Seems like there's a lot more to say about this and all the thoughts I've had about weddings lately, but I just find the whole subject exhuasting.