Just like how Video Killed the Radio Star

1. I noticed that my favorite amateur bloggers have all kind of quit out of blogging all about the same time. By amateur, I mean people who are just blogging about their lives and rambling, like me. I mean people who I know or wish I knew, just talking about their lives. It's kind of a bummer, but perhaps I don't get to complain since I haven't been on the blog much either. When I logged on, my reader really only contained the list of those bloggers who are doing business or generating awareness of themselves or their product and not the social updates and commentary I have come to love about blogging. I'm still reading people's Facebook updates and am thinking of joining twitter, but the long form appears to be lost. Did Facebook kill the amateur blog?

2. My recent awareness of nightmares has increased due to a) trailers for the new Nightmare on Elm Street - even the trailer gives me the heebie jeebies and no, A, I will not EVER go see this with you and b) my business partner's report that she's not getting any sleep because her toddler is waking up regularly with nightmares. I didn't know this was so common. At any rate, I had a horrible nightmare last night/this morning that makes me want to really look at myself:

I was spending time with a friend's husband and child. She, who had apparently been absent, returned dressed up as for a nightclub. In the dream, this somehow really pissed me off and I felt really betrayed - like, how dare she go out while I'm with her family? There may have been something more to it, because I was really upset. Anyway, I leave her house and actually hide from her in an empty home - seems like a model home - probably a nod to my recent house hunting efforts. I successfully hide from her and join my own partner, share an intimate moment and then we have an earthquake. During the earthquake, I actually think about if I should leave her a note forgiving her . . . and decide NOT to!

Seriously, what kind of grudge holder am I? What makes this worse is the drawn out rumbling sound I heard when I did open my eyes - I really thought we were having an earthquake and a jolt of cortisol prepared me to grab the dog and force A bodily into the doorway. My understanding is that doorways or under heavy furniture are the safe places, but that may be for tornadoes or hurricanes. I feel woefully unprepared for an actual emergency and the Red Cross spots suggesting I be prepared are not helping. Nor is the buzz that our area is due for a nice big earthquake any time. Ugh!

3. My goals have gone to the toilet. I don't remember what my financial, professional or personal goals included and the one thing that was making me so proud, my sewing, has fallen by the wayside with the relative dissolution of sewing club after one member injured herself. So, bootstraps, my friends, bootstraps. I've got an article (for the newspaper!) due Tuesday and after that, it's back to the practicalities of making some lists. Hopefully the new phone I'm planning to get in June will be a useful tool for checking it twice.

Did that really happen?

I used to have trouble telling dreams from my day world. I could fly until I was ten and got caught by a friend. Needless to say, when I approached her in my waking life and asked her not to tell anyone, she had no idea what I was talking about. That's when I realized there was a difference and sadly, that's when I stopped flying.

Last night, after dinner with friends and a single Perfect Cocktail (it really was perfection on ice), I started falling asleep in the car on the way home. I was so sleepy, but the transition between asleep in the car and getting into bed woke me up, as it usually does. My partner and I then had a conversation that I brought back up this morning, unsure if I'd fallen back to sleep in the middle of it or if we'd finished it. In any case, I thought reiterating my apology from the night before was appropriate.

But he didn't remember having that conversation. And this isn't the first time this has happened. I often feel like he's pulling my leg - like he remembers the conversation I'm referring to, but thinks it's funny to "not remember" or just doesn't want to talk about it. Or maybe he doesn't really remember - a couple weeks ago, the dog woke us up in the middle of the night barking at ghosts (I mean that literally) and we talked about it in the morning. That evening, he denied that we'd ever had that conversation or that we had just discussed him running into a mutual friend unexpectedly at the local market. He looked at me suspiciously and asked, "How do you know that?!"

I find this exhausting, but it also reminds me that night worlds have validity and reality, too. Maybe I should try to be more lucid in my dreams again? And maybe my partner and I shouldn't try to have conversations when one or both of us are falling asleep.