Prioritizing Other People's Priorities

It's funny that I just realized this, but today at work, I realized that my job is to prioritize tasks that are all priorities for other people. I've been getting a lot of jobs/requests/tasks that are labeled urgent, priority and even emergency. Well, no one has fallen. No one is injured. No lives are at stake. A delay would not result in injury or lives being placed in jeopardy. Emergency, really?

But I'm good at this - I can collect all these tasks and look at them a bit more objectively than anyone of the immediate players and figure out which thing really needs doing right now and which can be done later.

At my other job, my business, I may not be quite as good at this because I am too immediately involved. My To-Do list is as likely to include and prioritize balancing my personal checkbook as drafting an important and needed policy. Maybe this is why people hire business coaches and other external consultants to help them streamline and get their priorities in line. Additionally, I think if I could prioritize the business when I'm at the business and balancing my checkbook when I'm home, I would also appreciate the boundary between work and home a little better.

Simplicity

A friend recently wrote about how complicated our lives have gotten and wondered about how we can strip out some of the chaos of our lives and live more simply. I don't know the answer, but I know the question and the discussion have a lot of value. I went camping last weekend - just one night out under the stars watching a meteor shower. It was my first and I was awed like a little girl watching the streaks across the sky. I felt so small and yet so connected in that moment...to the cosmos, to the earth I was lying on and to the people around me, some of whom I knew, some I'd just met and one I was particularly prepared not to like. Well, the meteors didn't make me like said person any better, but maybe they helped me gain a little perspective.

For the overnight camping trip, A and I packed my truck full of many useful and useless things, including air mattresses, a battery operated air pump, games, wine, cups, extra blankets, clean clothes, camp chairs, a camp stove and pans for camp cooking and hot cocoa... I always hate being made fun of for over-packing, but I enjoyed sleeping comfortably and being able to drink a bottle of my favorite wine while seated comfortably at camp. In this instance, it seems that simplicity is having what we need. As I'm looking forward to moving in the next 30 days, simplicity seems the exact opposite as I go through my class notes, files, clothes, dog supplies and other misc to clear out as much clutter as possible before moving.

Another area in which I consider clearing clutter is the Internet. I irregularly read a couple of blogs and nowadays irregularly post here. It suits me and I use this to my own ends. I also have a smattering of email accounts, a craigslist account, an activity site account and, reluctantly, a MySpace account. I do much of my financial work online, I have many expired dating site profiles, and belong to many list servers that send me information that I usually just delete without even opening. I hear about people having accounts on LiveJournal, FaceBook, Friendster, MySpace and many others and how they have to keep up with what everyone is posting. What is that about? I can barely keep up with a few friends in real life let alone a bunch of people posting all day long to various sites.

Of the 2 blogs (down from 3, but more on that later) that I regularly tune into, 1 is a friend a speak to with some regularity. When we speak, she may ask "have you read my blog today?" but this is just her way of knowing if I'm already filled in. When the answer is invariably "no," she just tells me what's going on. I often then go read the blog to fill in any spots she left out and see how her perspective has changed in the intervening time. I like reading her blog, but I prefer speaking to her in person or on the phone. It's more fun to spend time together and hang out. Less opportunity for misunderstanding, too - which is the main reason I'm only a reader of 2 blogs these days instead of 3.

At any rate, I don't know how to simplify any better than the next person, but I'm going to paste the word serenity on the wall above my computer as a reminder of my core values so that I don't get sucked any deeper into the quagmire of Internet activities. To paraphrase many a bumper sticker, "I'd rather be paddling."

Moratorium on Blogging

Have spent quite a lot of time blogging lately - noticed that for May, I'm already at 23 entries which is 5 more than most months previously. In the interest of getting my thesis done, I'm officially taking a moratorium on blogging. I'm not allowing myself to write anything (except ideas, so I don't forget!) in my blog until after my thesis is one complete draft. I have to say it out loud to discipline myself.

Goodbye for now, Hive. I'll miss you.

Hurry Up and Wait

I worry about being rushed. I hate when it happens and I worry in advance that it will happen. It's almost comical how E rushes me - I'll be waiting for her to finish getting ready - I'll be sitting at my desk just putzing around waiting when she's all the sudden ready and let's go! The quick transition startles me and I feel rushed. That happened on the way to work today and it happens a lot because I'm always ready before her.

A rushes me, but it's not as funny, because he gets really upset about being on IST (Indian Standard Time - read: always late). I've always admired and romanticized the latino ethic of taking ones time, arriving later and slowing things down generally. Apparently that ideal is not shared worldwide. Every party I throw, I'm surprised when people arrive at the time I said the party would start. I usually mean that just as a guideline of when to arrive after. I actually do usually mean the end time that I give, but people never pay as much attention to that part.

Anyways, I hate being rushed and I'm feeling a little rushed abut school these days. Have to hurry up and get my thesis done, hurry up and do a lineage ceremony, hurry up and meet all of my requirements. Hurry up and graduate, hurry up and take boards, hurry up and wait for licensure. I decided to just take my time - I have been approved to walk at graduation even if I don't finish all my requirements including my thesis - so I'm slowing things down...and becoming more effective. I finished my case paper (the last of 6 required for my doctorate) this morning and typed up my last presentation yesterday. Things are definately flowing a little better now that I'm in my stream instead of trying to swim up someone else's schedule.

On Schedule

MySpace has a calendar function and I can find out many of my friends' activities through a shared calendar online. I have another calendar through my workout group and maintain my own calendar using my Palm program. E got me a nice TAO wall calendar that I hung in my bedroom and my mom bought me a page-a-day "Bad Dog" calendar that sits on my desk. E and I have had shared calendars in the past so we know each other's schedules (not needed at this time since we're together all day everyday), and A and I have discussed a shared online calendar so that we don't double book ourselves.

I find myself looking on other calendars to determine my activities and even concern myself with the calendars and obligations of others - i.e., he's signed up for that, but I know he's not going; she's going to that, but hasn't RSVPd yet and oh, they signed me up for that, I guess I have to go. It's ridiculous and I'm over it.

I'm overscheduled. Not only do I simply have too much to do, too many plans, too many obligations, but I'm also overburdened by the very act of calendering. I don't wear a watch in part because I prefer the freedom of not being 'bound' by time, but I do find myself overlinked to my cell phone which is my primary source of the current time. I also rely heavily on my PDA to know where I'm supposed to be and what tasks still remain to be done. I realized today that this ongoing to-do list may prevent me from thinking outside the box. I've had a short paper to write for the past many months and I haven't finished it because it's a bit complicated. Well, the subject I chose is complicated, but the paper doesn't have to be - this morning I realized I could just pick a different topic.

I think it's important to be organized and effective at time management, but I'm looking forward to having a more spontaneous and free schedule this summer. Despite the fact that my days will be relatively structured around gym, board exam studying and working, I think I'll have more freedom then than now when I am running around doing something different every day.

Putting in Time is a Waste of Time

I hate "putting in time" with people. It happened this weekend, it may happen again. Ultimately I'm sick of doing things with people because I feel like I owe them something. This is the reason that I have such an issue with gift-giving: I hate obligation. I hated Christmas for years because of the obligatory nature of giving gifts at that time. Maybe that has to do with my upbringing where I was always expected to give my father and step-mother not only a gift, but a good gift, before I was even old enough to hold a job (noting that I did, in fact, start my employment history at the tender age of 12!).

At any rate, my concern these days is "putting in time" because even more than money, which is decidedly lacking, my time has become extraordinarily precious. My plans this weekend were a quiet Friday night in with my partner - I was looking forward to relaxing, catching up on one another's weeks and enjoying an early bedtime, but ended up going out with friends that he made plans with and felt obligated to see even when the plans became fuzzy and fizzled. Maybe if we'd had fun, I would have felt it was worth it, but I truly don't believe any of the four of us actually had a good time or thought it was worth it. I think A just held to the plan because he felt he had made a commitment and wanted to hold to it - I think we have to find a balance between his serious commitment and my lasaiz-fair attitude about these things.

In the next seven weeks, while I wrap up school and try to balance my personal life, it's probably a great time to practice very conscious choice around how I spend my time. A good time to establish this good habit now before I have more time, because even when I have more time, I still don't want to waste a minute putting in time.

House Arrest

I'm looking over my schedule and realized that I have 2 weeks to study for my exit exam and finish writing my thesis. Then I have 2 weeks until my thesis defense. Then I have two weeks to study for my last two Chinese Medicine board exams. Then I have two weeks until graduation. Then I have 4 weeks to study for 3 days worth of ND board exams. Wow. The next 8-12 weeks are going to be a doozy. I've got to keep my priorities in order.

So the plan is, effectively, house arrest. I'm not allowed to sign up for anymore social activities, especially those that are just huge parties where I'm not really going to feel connected to anyone. I can go bathing suit shopping, I can meet the hypnotherapist for coffee, I can celebrate my anniversary tonight, I can do those events that I've already signed up for and I can make time to spend with my partner's parents when they come later this month. That's actually a lot of things I can do, and only one significant can't do, but I think it will make all the difference.

My housemate and I also laid out a study schedule wherein she and I have 2 study dates a week with one another, no exceptions, for the next 6 weeks. Since I'm currently operating on zero study hours per week, the addition of these 6 hours should really help. I'm also going to endeavor to work out in the mornings since I hear this increases mental acuity throughout the day. If I throw in a little qigong everyday, maybe I'll manifest the "unstoppable force" that my friend suggested I would be.

When I Get Things Done

My housemate and I had a brief row this morning due to my "energetic" nature this morning. I went to bed last night about 10pm and fell straight to sleep. When my alarm started going off at 6, I was ready to get up. I started my day by mopping the entry where Plum and Chibo had a urine fight, making dog food, loading the dishwasher and cleaning my room. It was amazing feeling like I'd already gotten so many things done before I even left for work and reminds me that I'm really a morning person.

Now the question is how to use that information. Do I get up and go the gym? Do I just do my house chores? Do I sit down at the computer and work on my case paper or thesis? I think it will be the latter because this is definitely the only thing I can NOT do past about 10pm. It is getting harder than ever to stay up much past then let alone get anything useful done.

I also learned in the last several weeks that I can't do homework during class (unless it's for that class) - something about looking in books strikes me as far worse in terms of disrespect than doing something on my computer (which we all use in class, because our notes are all electronic) when the instructor doesn't know what I'm doing. This also applies in clinic when I don't have patients. I try reading or working on my thesis and it just doesn't work. So, at clinic and in class, I track my food (I record everything I eat), write my blogs, catch up on email and now I also read my acupuncture board review materials. It's helpful that they are in one easy-to-carry spiral bound book and it's actually not a bad reference when I need to look up some point.

Not the most interesting of blogs today, but practical. Like me.

To Do: Finish Draft Blog Entries

I have two posts that I started and never finished for some reason. Maybe long-time bloggers will reassure me that this is a common phenomenon, but my perfectionist-completionist self finds it hard to deal with those "drafts" sitting in my list. I haven't quite finished the first because the idea I was masticating kept shifting, so I couldn't quite figure out what I was trying to say. The second is of a very personal nature and I got scared about how it would come out.

One of my friends who also blogs wrote about how she wants to edit her posts, but doesn't and this is something I just can't relate to...I always edit. It's like a conversation with me - I might say one thing and immediately cancel it out and say the opposite. My brain, mouth (when speaking) and hands (when typing) aren't always on the same page and/or moving at the same speed.

However, point being I have two blogs waiting to post. Maybe I should make my thesis the priority instead of finishing those posts? Or my case paper (Goal #6, Due March 23)?

Or maybe I'll keep thinking and writing about how hard it is to go 1 day without swearing (Goal # 66). It started much earlier today, not having established today as a day to try it. Today was the Day of Silence in which I did not participate, but maybe if I had, I would have had an easier time not swearing. I'm going on a retreat this weekend and my housemate suggested not swearing there. It's probable that I could pull that off in that location, but is that really fair? I suppose it's meeting the goal either way and really, those qigong-ers sometimes really piss me off.

Revolutionary Concepts in Not Taking People for Granted

After talking with some friends about blogging and the Internet, I'm shy to post very personal thoughts and feelings...knowing that nothing is as anonymous as I like to pretend. On the other hand, I'm not posting anything that I would be ashamed to admit to. Just a preface, I guess, to indicate that this one is challenging.

A QiGong Master told his student that anyone wasting another person's time is killing him - because he is taking time away from another person's life. When I think about using up the finite time available in my own or another person's life, it changes the concept significantly. I want every moment to be lived to it's fullest, which doesn't mean extreme sporting or peak experiences, but rather with that concept of authenticity, presence and awareness. Even negative experiences or the tension of not-knowing can fill the moment. Playing Table Topics the other day, I couldn't recall a single peak experience that I would want to re-live, but I easily remembered the hardest thing I'd ever done because I was so present in that moment. This is the root of Daoism and probably best explains why I have the kanji for Dao tattooed prominently on my arm.

So today, talking about relationships and discontent, my friend came up with this idea: A boyfriend/girlfriend needs to make up for the other men/women their partner is choosing not to be with. I hesitate to even write it that way, because "make up for" sounds not quite right, but in the interest of getting this down, I'm going to let it stand as written.

My mind is reeling from the possibilities and I recall a Buddhist wedding I attended. The Buddhist's did not vow "to have and to hold until death do us part," but did exchange vows including a vow from the husband to keep the woman's makeup and jewelry boxes stocked. The explanation was that the husband would always value the woman and want to adorn her and that the woman would always want to adorn herself for her loving husband. It was really beautiful and touching and I've always remembered that. The above concept, in both forms, really means to me just that we should value our lover/partner and recognize and value that they choose us. And kick the asshole to the curb if he's killing you by wasting your precious time.

Procrastination as a Lifestyle Choice

Everyday I check items off my task list, so I get to feel like I'm really getting a lot done. But my thesis remains untouched, my case papers unwritten, I need to renew my library books for the 10th time and my cortisol levels have bottomed out with the combination of my high stress level and immense coffee intake. It's all I can do to attend my classes during this last week of term and hold myself back from cleaning out my garage and holding a yard sale this weekend.

I'm just looking away from my major priorities in favor of the small tasks that are so much easier to accomplish. Procrastination as a lifestyle choice does not work - I know this, but it's a hard habit to break. How do you stop procrastinating when the things used as distractors are also important tasks for a healthy lifestyle? Even going to the gym has become a way to ignore my homework. Cleaning my home, especially from the top-down as my office is on the bottom floor, also needs to be done so I don't go crazy, but may not be the most effective use of my time.

So do I just get fat and live in filth for the next 4 weeks until my draft is due? Maybe. Black and white thinking will get me nowhere, but at least I can use that as an excuse when we don't have a clean glass to drink out of. I better sign off and wash my car before the neighbors in the parking garage complain.

8 Days a Week: The Value of Time

I'm thinking a lot about time these days - perhaps I should not spend so much time on time as time is what seems to be lacking. My major stress is feeling like I don't have enough time - enough time to study, prepare for my patients, call them back, clean my house, play with my puppy, spend with my boyfriend, spend with my housemate, spend with other friends, pay my bills, etc., etc., etc... I do seem to make time to email my mom, write this blog, sing plenty karaoke on my home machine and go to basketball with my boyfriend. It's all a question of priorities, but mine seem to be skewed - I actually find myself wishing that I could just stay at my retail job, work regular hours and not have to think about my job when I'm not there. However, finding out that I will actually not be allowed to walk in my graduation ceremony if I don't meet certain serious upcoming deadlines has put my priorities into stark perspective.

I'm heading out of town this weekend and will probably not even take a book with me, since I'm going with my boyfriend and all that together time won't easily give opportunity for studying. However, I expect and plan to come back refreshed and ready to just "get 'er done." It's going to be challenging, but really what choice do I have? [Note: I CHOSE MY CHOICE!]

Another closely related point is the relative value that I place on other people's time. I actually do recognize that my commitments and obligations are not any more important than anyone else's, especially to anyone else, but this is something I struggle with. My colleagues and I are under such stress and have such constant deadlines that it seems that someone else's decisions, obligations and appointments often don't seem to have as much value in my mind. And yet paradoxically, I let other people devalue my time. Isn't that ironic?