National board exams are 14 days away. I have two weeks to review the information I've spent the last seven years studying and practicing. After meeting with my doctor yesterday, I have a new outlook. She was sympathetic and inspiring - she reminds me that boards are a hoop we all jump through. She told me she knew friends who didn't study or studied very little and that some passed and some failed, but those who failed turned the experience into something positive and used it to their advantage. She was also very supportive of my decision not to pursue the residency opportunity that I've been offered.
So, the new plan: FOCUS for 5 hours every day. I'm even including Saturday and Sunday in that, since I have so few days. That means a few sacrifices in the next two weeks, but then I can enter my examinations with a little more confidence and can give up the guilt afterwards while I await my results. Not sure what I'll do after that when I have to finish my acupuncture boards and masters thesis, but I might just give myself the rest of August to be study free and schedule my next boards at the end of September. I'm thinking out loud a little here, but that sounds like a great plan. Then I can spend my days kayaking around Portland!
Showing posts with label residency. Show all posts
Showing posts with label residency. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Tired of Being Tired
I'm 30 years old and I've been in school for 26 years, excepting summer vacations (for most of that time) and 1 year after undergrad when I didn't know what to do. I've been tired for at least the last three years, although I remember getting sent home during undergrad because of "acute fatigue" where I was almost falling down after walking across campus to school. (I fell asleep in all my classes then. Incidentally, all the mono tests came back negative, but I'm not sure they ever tested me for anemia or thyroid problems.)
I haven't been sleeping well...maybe the heat, maybe wanting A beside me, maybe just being jazzed up from getting off work at 11...and I've been tired most of the day every day...maybe the heat, maybe boredom, maybe procrastination. And I'm tired of feeling tired.
I do all this stuff to make myself more healthy, but I still don't feel strong because I'm always tired. I get up at 6:30 to take the dog out and often don't go back to bed. This week (and the next two) I won't be going back to bed, because I'm taking a 7am Taiji (yes, that's Tai Chi - see How to Read Chinese) class.
Today and Thursday I also see my personal trainer. Since it's been awhile since I trained or took measurements, I got weighed and measured today and low-and-behold I'm up in almost all areas (except my neck, which is two inches smaller than when I started - how's that for interesting?). When I mentioned that I might not buy another training package ($619 for 10 sessions!), he gave me an assignment to write down the top 5 advantages I get from training. I can see where this is going, but I also feel like doing an hour and half of Taiji in the tranquil park setting was more beneficial to my energy than spending an hour pumping iron until my back and legs are screaming for mercy. I don't need a trainer breathing down my two-inch thinner neck to keep me on my cardio, either, especially in summer with options such as kayaking, hiking, rollerblading and cycling. My chiropractor recommends resistance training 6 months a year only, so maybe I'll take the rest of the summer off and re-evaluate then.
And my job - I asked for this wacky schedule where I get off at 10:30-11pm every evening. I thought having my days free would help me study, but unfortunately I'm still not getting anything done, because I spend most of my morning working out, eating then recovering from both of the above. Not sure if this is serving me. Finally, I have been offered a residency for the fall. It's about 50 hours per week and not very well compensated. It's a return to the school environment and a delay in starting my private practice. And I feel like it's going to make and keep me...ding, ding...tired!
I think I need to reinstate my priorities - health, happy home, financial stability and professional success - in that order.
I haven't been sleeping well...maybe the heat, maybe wanting A beside me, maybe just being jazzed up from getting off work at 11...and I've been tired most of the day every day...maybe the heat, maybe boredom, maybe procrastination. And I'm tired of feeling tired.
I do all this stuff to make myself more healthy, but I still don't feel strong because I'm always tired. I get up at 6:30 to take the dog out and often don't go back to bed. This week (and the next two) I won't be going back to bed, because I'm taking a 7am Taiji (yes, that's Tai Chi - see How to Read Chinese) class.
Today and Thursday I also see my personal trainer. Since it's been awhile since I trained or took measurements, I got weighed and measured today and low-and-behold I'm up in almost all areas (except my neck, which is two inches smaller than when I started - how's that for interesting?). When I mentioned that I might not buy another training package ($619 for 10 sessions!), he gave me an assignment to write down the top 5 advantages I get from training. I can see where this is going, but I also feel like doing an hour and half of Taiji in the tranquil park setting was more beneficial to my energy than spending an hour pumping iron until my back and legs are screaming for mercy. I don't need a trainer breathing down my two-inch thinner neck to keep me on my cardio, either, especially in summer with options such as kayaking, hiking, rollerblading and cycling. My chiropractor recommends resistance training 6 months a year only, so maybe I'll take the rest of the summer off and re-evaluate then.
And my job - I asked for this wacky schedule where I get off at 10:30-11pm every evening. I thought having my days free would help me study, but unfortunately I'm still not getting anything done, because I spend most of my morning working out, eating then recovering from both of the above. Not sure if this is serving me. Finally, I have been offered a residency for the fall. It's about 50 hours per week and not very well compensated. It's a return to the school environment and a delay in starting my private practice. And I feel like it's going to make and keep me...ding, ding...tired!
I think I need to reinstate my priorities - health, happy home, financial stability and professional success - in that order.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Arbitrary Requirements
Graduation is looming. Only slightly less scary than before since I was offered a residency position last week. I've made arrangements to leave an hour early next Thursday to pick up my mom at the airport and I've gotten a substitute so I can take Friday off to spend time with her. Then I second guessed myself and accepted another shift for Friday - same time, same clinic, different supervising physician. Seems silly, but I really don't want to go back to clinic as a student after graduation.
It's CYA time and I'm Santa-Clausing my list (that is, checking them twice and again) of requirements religiously. I was about to say that I don't know of any religion that requires piotous practice so frequently as I consult my lists, but then I remembered the five daily prayers of Islam and consider that they may actually have one up on me. The requirements for graduating from medical school are vast. Besides passing many exams that show that you know better than to make stupid decisions that will kill your patient, graduates from my program are required to:
It's CYA time and I'm Santa-Clausing my list (that is, checking them twice and again) of requirements religiously. I was about to say that I don't know of any religion that requires piotous practice so frequently as I consult my lists, but then I remembered the five daily prayers of Islam and consider that they may actually have one up on me. The requirements for graduating from medical school are vast. Besides passing many exams that show that you know better than to make stupid decisions that will kill your patient, graduates from my program are required to:
- Do 2 new patient intakes - easy!
- perform 5 complete gynecologic exams - I don't know how people don't get this requirement done - it's practically all I did for the first year!
- examine male genitalia twice - done
- perform 2 digital rectal exams - whew, that was easier than expected
perform 2 "male prostate exams" - I'm glad they didn't expect me to do female prostate exams! - do a complete physical on 5 patients - piece of cake
- do a physical on 2 babies - fumbled through - don't ever trust me with your children!
- do a physical on 1 elder - did I really never see a person over the age of 60?
- 3 of each manipulation - cervical, thoracic, thorax/ribs, lumbar, sacral - check!
- show competency applying electricity to patients using various devises - wow
- etc. (I actually wanted to list them all, but there are so many! The remaining areas of requirements are minor surgery, homeopathy, nutrition and botanical medicine.)
I currently still have 11 of the above (although most of them fall under the etc. category) to complete. They do seem somewhat arbitrary, though. Why 5 gyn exams, but only 2 male genitalia? Is the female genitalia really that much more complicated?
The number of hours we are required to complete fall under the jurisdiction of the accreditation boards, but here's a look back at what I've completed in terms of recorded hours (my class time is not recorded - these are hours specified under our accreditation):
- Community Service 24
- Hydrotherapy Technician 73.5
- Intro to Clinic 12
- Clinic Education 15
- Lab Practicum 24
- Lab Post 12
- Xray Post 24
- ND Medicinary Practicum 24
- Secondary 292
- Primary 668
- Chinese Medicine Observation 264.5
- Chinese Medicine Internship 629 (projected)
- Chinese Medicine Medicinary 24
- Preceptorship (observing NDs, MDs, DCs etc) 232
- Seminars 48 (attended more, but they only credit us 48)
- Grand Rounds 120
- Grand TOTAL: 2216
In all those hours, I will have seen a minimum of 1100 patients. Wow, I guess I really have done a lot in the last 7 years. It's funny to think I've done all that and still managed to write my blog during my clinic shifts. I am, in fact, on shift now, but since this clinic was flooded over the weekend, we don't have many patients today and I'm leaving momentarily for the final show of strength as I win the wrestling match with the thesis. Prepare to see my fist raised as I defend my title on Tuesday afternoon. Revisions Wednesday and Thursday then turn it in on Friday for a guilt-free graduation on Monday. Oh yes, graduation is looming.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Knock on Wood
Why am I so hard on myself when I don't do well on something?
Throw a rock and you hit someone who has failed an exam, a class or a task. I feel compassion and understanding for these people and generally assume they aren't carrying that failure around with them because either they learned from it, eventually passed it or turned it into something good. When I was asked in a job interview years ago what my biggest failure had been, I honestly answered that I never felt I had failed at anything. That idealistic optimism still lives within me, but it's harder to remember in the face of slamming doors and that overloud FAIL stamp coming down on my test.
The hardest was the first time, when I wasn't selected for an international clinical operation that I expected to be a shoe-in for. It was easier when I didn't get the residencies I applied for because I knew they were limited. The hardest to date is the test I took yesterday that I fear I may have failed. Calling my mom, because that's what we do in these circumstances, didn't help because she only remembers all the times I've called her in tears during high school and college over some exam that I usually ended up doing well enough to great on. Letting my boyfriend rock me and wipe away my tears helped more than he'll ever know and bitching about my friend who likely did pass helped a lot too. There goes my resolution to stop bitching about people.
I wonder if it's like the time I expressed that I didn't know what true pain felt like and the universe "gifted" me with pain enough to empathize with almost anything. Maybe I should learn to knock on wood.
Throw a rock and you hit someone who has failed an exam, a class or a task. I feel compassion and understanding for these people and generally assume they aren't carrying that failure around with them because either they learned from it, eventually passed it or turned it into something good. When I was asked in a job interview years ago what my biggest failure had been, I honestly answered that I never felt I had failed at anything. That idealistic optimism still lives within me, but it's harder to remember in the face of slamming doors and that overloud FAIL stamp coming down on my test.
The hardest was the first time, when I wasn't selected for an international clinical operation that I expected to be a shoe-in for. It was easier when I didn't get the residencies I applied for because I knew they were limited. The hardest to date is the test I took yesterday that I fear I may have failed. Calling my mom, because that's what we do in these circumstances, didn't help because she only remembers all the times I've called her in tears during high school and college over some exam that I usually ended up doing well enough to great on. Letting my boyfriend rock me and wipe away my tears helped more than he'll ever know and bitching about my friend who likely did pass helped a lot too. There goes my resolution to stop bitching about people.
I wonder if it's like the time I expressed that I didn't know what true pain felt like and the universe "gifted" me with pain enough to empathize with almost anything. Maybe I should learn to knock on wood.
Monday, March 12, 2007
How Never to Look Foolish
For the past several days (which really amounts to the past four years if I'm being honest), I've been doling out advice in the form of declarative statements and strong directives to a particular friend of mine. Apparently, I can see clearly where all her mis-steps and errors of judgement lie. I know exactly what she should have said, how she could have dressed and what she definitely should not have done that night after midnight margaritas, but I can't imagine how I've possibly ever hurt a friend's feelings, offended a lover or what could possibly be the reason my jeans are tighter today than they were last week.
This week, my great advice was not to worry about looking foolish and to just have fun! Have fun. Don't worry about looking foolish. Somehow I heard those words amongst the other gibberish that I rushed out just to finish the conversation so I could hang up and go to bed, and they've haunted me all week.
I had a residency interview Wednesday morning. An important interview for a job I'm really excited about. An interview that only my boyfriend, my mom and my housemate knew about. I couldn't possibly tell anyone about it because if they know that I aspire or that I care about getting this position and then I don't get it, how will that look? Foolish? Would I consider someone foolish if they don't get a job they apply for? Probably not, but that's what I imagine other's would think of me.
I have two more interviews for other positions, and I found myself idealistically hoping that I'll get offers for all three positions so that I can choose. I even made a pros and cons list. Then I somehow decided that I would be lucky to get even a single offer. That's how to never look foolish - just don't hope, don't aspire, don't be idealistic or optimistic.
I guess that's why the fool card always comes up in my tarot readings.
This week, my great advice was not to worry about looking foolish and to just have fun! Have fun. Don't worry about looking foolish. Somehow I heard those words amongst the other gibberish that I rushed out just to finish the conversation so I could hang up and go to bed, and they've haunted me all week.
I had a residency interview Wednesday morning. An important interview for a job I'm really excited about. An interview that only my boyfriend, my mom and my housemate knew about. I couldn't possibly tell anyone about it because if they know that I aspire or that I care about getting this position and then I don't get it, how will that look? Foolish? Would I consider someone foolish if they don't get a job they apply for? Probably not, but that's what I imagine other's would think of me.
I have two more interviews for other positions, and I found myself idealistically hoping that I'll get offers for all three positions so that I can choose. I even made a pros and cons list. Then I somehow decided that I would be lucky to get even a single offer. That's how to never look foolish - just don't hope, don't aspire, don't be idealistic or optimistic.
I guess that's why the fool card always comes up in my tarot readings.
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