The Meaning of Secrets

I couldn't think of the term double standard, so I almost couldn't write about secrets until I remembered that term. Word-memory problem, but I've got it now - double standard. That's what I have about secrets. For me, I love secrets as the guardians of my privacy. It's not even that they or I am guarding anything particularly worthy of a secret, but the very act of having information that no one else has. It's strange to me sometimes when people who are close to me don't want to know my secrets, don't want to get closer, but at the same time I'm not a very good defender of my own secrets, so I don't really want to be asked anyways.

The double standard is this: I HATE other people's secrets. I can't stand it. I get suspicious and paranoid. I assume that every mis-statement, omission or hesitation is reflective of a grander scheme to somehow make me look of feel like as ass. It's probably because of how I was raised - I'm sure that JR would say so, at any rate, always finding fresh fodder in family-of-origin. Certain things were just kept as secrets among the family - other things were certainly meant to be secret from the children, the girl children or specifically just me, but were covertly shared or overheard.

I wonder how much of that was intentional secrecy, protection or ignorance instead of the spite I considered it. I do consider it spiteful for people to have secrets against me. Getting to know people deeply has become difficult, because I don't dare ask people personal questions they might not answer - if they don't answer, they have a secret and what does that say about me?

I'm rambling about secrets. Basically, I need to remember the four agreements again and that it isn't all about me. Another way to phrase that, in the words of Jerry Seinfeld, "What are men thinking about? Nothing." What is anybody thinking about? Usually not me and that's probably a good thing.

Best Kept Secrets

I ate at a new restaurant today and it was quite possibly the best kept secret in Portland. I've been studying across the street from this place for a couple months now and always wondered about the beautiful people lounging across the street outside the yoga studio. Turns out the yoga studio and restaurant are attached. The people sitting outside are eating the most delicious, inexpensive and healthy food I've found at a restaurant to date and probably ever will.

What's the name, you ask? I'm sorry, that's classified. This is what I do - I'm apparently a secret keeper. Ree has told me that for years and I didn't believe her, but now I do. I want to keep this place all to myself, even though it probably wouldn't appeal to a great deal of people...okay, who am I kidding, the food is so good that even the people who aren't vegan would appreciate this treat. I'm going back tomorrow for another dessert ... and the next day ... and the next day. So much for being a Skinny Bitch.