The B Hive

Raw Giveaway

2011-04-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

My partner, housemate and I all decided to adopt a high raw food diet for the next three weeks. What better way to get my blogging habit back in business than to have delicious recipes, pictures of yummy food and maybe, just maybe, a one week trip to a raw vegan B&B to start it all off?

uncooking101 is giving away a week's stay at a raw B&B - the drawing is minutes away, so if you're reading this immediately after posting, click here and go comment to enter. If you missed the drawing, like them on Facebook to get recipes and raw conversation as a part of your daily fuel.

Stay tuned for more on my raw vegan adventure!

Proper Amounts

2010-09-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

The proper amount of butter on toast is just enough to spread thinly over the bread such that you hear that scraping sound as the knife travels over the bread.

The proper amount of cream cheese on a bagel is just enough to spread over the bagel without hearing that sound. It seems most bagel places either "butter" my cream cheese over my bagel and it's not enough or thickly pile it on such that it spills out over the sides, through the hole and onto my black shirt and pants.

Where is Goldilocks, really?

Just like how Video Killed the Radio Star

2010-05-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

1. I noticed that my favorite amateur bloggers have all kind of quit out of blogging all about the same time. By amateur, I mean people who are just blogging about their lives and rambling, like me. I mean people who I know or wish I knew, just talking about their lives. It's kind of a bummer, but perhaps I don't get to complain since I haven't been on the blog much either. When I logged on, my reader really only contained the list of those bloggers who are doing business or generating awareness of themselves or their product and not the social updates and commentary I have come to love about blogging. I'm still reading people's Facebook updates and am thinking of joining twitter, but the long form appears to be lost. Did Facebook kill the amateur blog?

2. My recent awareness of nightmares has increased due to a) trailers for the new Nightmare on Elm Street - even the trailer gives me the heebie jeebies and no, A, I will not EVER go see this with you and b) my business partner's report that she's not getting any sleep because her toddler is waking up regularly with nightmares. I didn't know this was so common. At any rate, I had a horrible nightmare last night/this morning that makes me want to really look at myself:

I was spending time with a friend's husband and child. She, who had apparently been absent, returned dressed up as for a nightclub. In the dream, this somehow really pissed me off and I felt really betrayed - like, how dare she go out while I'm with her family? There may have been something more to it, because I was really upset. Anyway, I leave her house and actually hide from her in an empty home - seems like a model home - probably a nod to my recent house hunting efforts. I successfully hide from her and join my own partner, share an intimate moment and then we have an earthquake. During the earthquake, I actually think about if I should leave her a note forgiving her . . . and decide NOT to!

Seriously, what kind of grudge holder am I? What makes this worse is the drawn out rumbling sound I heard when I did open my eyes - I really thought we were having an earthquake and a jolt of cortisol prepared me to grab the dog and force A bodily into the doorway. My understanding is that doorways or under heavy furniture are the safe places, but that may be for tornadoes or hurricanes. I feel woefully unprepared for an actual emergency and the Red Cross spots suggesting I be prepared are not helping. Nor is the buzz that our area is due for a nice big earthquake any time. Ugh!

3. My goals have gone to the toilet. I don't remember what my financial, professional or personal goals included and the one thing that was making me so proud, my sewing, has fallen by the wayside with the relative dissolution of sewing club after one member injured herself. So, bootstraps, my friends, bootstraps. I've got an article (for the newspaper!) due Tuesday and after that, it's back to the practicalities of making some lists. Hopefully the new phone I'm planning to get in June will be a useful tool for checking it twice.

New Goals

2010-03-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

After my first 101 goals expired, I had this idea about making another list. I have been struggling with that list, actively and passively, for 3 months. It's both because I'm more serious about making goals that are S.M.A.R.T. and also because I'm loath to commit to more "goals" when I have so many other things going on. It seems a bit like cheating to set goals that I'm already lined up for like "get married" or "buy a new house."

On the other hand, I would feel pretty accomplished if I was able to mark those approximately three years (1001 days) by checking off an entire list of 101 goals accomplished, no matter if some of them were mild cheats or not. Because, after all, who's being cheated?

In any event, I do have one goal for 2010 that I set and have been keeping up with to my great pleasure. After getting my sewing machine for Christmas, I set a goal to make 12 projects in 2010. One per month with the help of E and Ree, my sewing club buddies. We're set to have sewing club at my house this Sunday for our third meeting. So far, I've sewn 2 car rubbish bags and an oven mitt and hot pad. And I've learned a lot!

I was even able to teach E, an experienced seamstress, a thing or two! I've got several yards of fabric waiting to be made into aprons, place mats, napkins, wine bags, a tote bag and maybe even a doggy coat! I might even try a clothing item by the end of the year. So, when I'm not here blogging about goals that I might or might not ever get to, rest assured that I'm out there meeting my sewing goal one small project at a time.

Domestic Goddess

2010-03-22T20:29:00.000-07:00

I got home late...again.

This happens surprisingly often, but sometimes, on my good days, things are just flowing at the office and it's easy to keep going. The hours fly by and then it's 7 o'clock before I'm leaving for home. Tonight, A surprised me by having dinner in the make when I arrived. As I was finishing up a conversation on my phone, he set the table and when I hung up, it was hello, sit down and here's a beautiful salad and chick'n cordon bleu (not real chicken) with peaches for dessert.

I feel pretty lucky at the moment. And well-fed. Smart man, very smart man.

Stiching Bitch

2010-01-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

I am a goddess of domesticity. Picked up this months Vegetarian Times magazine and discovered some great recipes from culinary students. I decided on a very Julie/Julia whim to make all of them. So far I've made the bruschetta, the green beans and tonight, the soup. All delicious and I think the best is yet to come in a wild mushroom ravioli in browned butter and sage sauce. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

So, after making a fresh soup and cleaning up the kitchen, I threw the laundry in and started pressing my sewing project. Yes, I said sewing project. At long last, I am sewing. Just a couple of car garbage bags to start with, but still, sewing. With my new computerized sewing machine that I got for Christmas. And it was so easy. Granted, I wasn't doing anything too complicated, I wasn't quilting or embroidering or anything like that, just a couple simple straight lines to close up the straps for the bag, but I feel so very accomplished.

If I was a housewife/homemaker, I would be the Queen of Suburbia. I might already be the Queen of Suburbia because I do a lot (read: IT ALL!) while owning and running my own business. Basically, I kick ass. And I do it with only the tiniest resentment that my partner isn't very domestic (domesticated?)...but I guess I do like my men wild.

WOTD: Propaganda

2010-01-06T12:35:00.000-08:00

Word of the Day: Propaganda
From Merriam - Webster:
1: a congregation of the Roman curia having jurisdiction over missionary territories and related institutions
2 : the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person
3 : ideas, facts, or allegations spread deliberately to further one's cause or to damage an opposing cause; also : a public action having such an effect

I would like to focus on definitions 2 and 3 for a moment. The spread of ideas, information or rumors and or ideas, facts or allegations that are spread to help or hinder a cause. E and I were talking on the phone this morning about vaccines and about how propaganda is used to further the cause of such. A noticed that many of the people with whom he had previously spoken about flu vaccines were now sick, despite getting vaccinated and speaking vehemently in favor of them and that he himself, not having been vaccinated and using natural options, has not been sick all season. It bothers me that so many people who ARE NOT MEDICAL PROVIDERS (!) have been giving my partner, their friends and family, and potentially the world medical advice - i.e., get vaccinated - when they are both uneducated and unqualified to offer it.

Basically, it's a great example of propaganda. The companies that manufacture vaccines and the machine that is our news media have provided a one sided account in favor of vaccination that the public has adopted and repeats. It's ridiculous - people, if you want medical advise, ask your doctor!

I also Love my boyfriend's new Netbook

2010-01-05T06:48:00.001-08:00

A bought himself a netbook for Christmas this year. He's wanted one for a while because we usually take a computer with us when we travel and he wished we didn't need to take such a big obvious computer with us. The netbook was the perfect solution. He asked me if I wanted one since my laptop is slowly dieing, (Seriously, I thought that was mis-spelled, too, but it is apparently the correct spelling!) but I resisted. No, I want a laptop that I can edit videos with and do more than surf the net. I still want a computer I can do those things with, but I have learned to love the netbook. I'm typing on it right now.

It's tiny, it's lightweight, it's much faster than my computer. I don't save anything on it, but instead use my little corner of cyberspace via GoogleDocs, etc., so I don't have to worry about it crashing. We used it (and the iPhone) on our vacation recently to find coupons and hotels, to plot our route, to check email, to write an article for work and to play. It's great.

It's Tuesday morning following vacation, I played catch up yesterday and I have a haircut tonight. Yes, I have nothing better to do with my time than blog about how I love this computer.

XO, netbook, time to get ready for work.

OMG, I love Veganomicon

2010-01-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

I don't even know where to start this story...at VegFest where I did NOT buy VCon? With the other soup I made from VCon? Or perhaps with my New Year New Food Planning Plan? Since A awaits me below with a video (free video day from RedBox - holla!), I'll be brief.

I have a New Year New Food Planning Plan. Part of that plan is to make a specifically vegan dinner one night of the week...actually, now that I think of it, tonight was soup night...and tomorrow's planned meal covers multiple categories, too...okay, let me explain. The Productivity Pro's mom had 31 meals that she made every month. I thought this was brilliant, but couldn't think of even 7 recipes/meals that I knew how to make and wanted to repeat.

My alternative is to select 7 categories of meals and make 1 from each category each week. Ala Julie/Julia (I confess I just read the book and watched the movie), but with a little more leeway. So my categories are: vegan, raw, soup, rice/beans, pasta, Indian and take out/date night, because come on, let's be realistic.

So for dinner tonight, soup night (not vegan night after all, but since VCon is in action, it turns out to be), I made VCon's Broccoli-Potato Soup with Fresh Herbs. I made A stop by the market for mint on the way home and it was totally worth it. I had salad ready for us when he come home - that and the baguette he picked up held us over until the soup was ready. I almost wish I had more room for soup tonight, but on the other hand, I can't wait for leftovers tomorrow!

Tomorrow's plan: Pumpkin Saag - Indian and vegan!

ABCs Arizona Adventure?

2009-12-27T06:59:00.000-08:00

So we arrived in Arizona later than expected - we originally thought we'd get here about 8pm, but didn't drive up until midnight. We've got 4 days and need to stay somewhat close to the house since A is "technically" on call. We also want to maximize our time with our host, M, who flew in (from very far away) and is suffering from major jet lag, no small thanks to our late arrival. So what are we to do?

Despite the many plans and suggestions from M's wife, G, we didn't do a lot during our 4 days in Arizona.

Wednesday - A and I took the car and vacuumed it out and got the outside washed so that M wouldn't think we were complete slobs and I have to say, the old girl cleans up pretty good. It was actually pretty embarrassing that state I'd let it get in and I'm so grateful that A just cleaned without judging. We grabbed some lunch and headed back to the house. G wanted to get her dogs nails trimmed and Chibo needed his done, too, so we went along. Unfortunately, we missed the groomer by about 10 minutes. We should have gotten in the car that minute and returned home as we had dinner reservations and still needed to shower, but G ran into some folks she wanted to talk to...an hour and a half later, we headed back home. A also hadn't showered, so he and I had to rush to get ready.

Dinner was a great little Thai place in Scottsdale for which G had Groupon's. Because of the Groupon's, G ordered way too much pre-food. We got two plates of appetizers and soup. When it was time to order entrees we realized that we couldn't finish four, so we only ordered two, but unfortunately both were meat dishes so A and I were left to pick around it. Probably I should have spoken up, but it can be hard to do, especially when you're still reeling by your friends and dinner companions just calling you "namby pamby liberals" . . . over dinner!

Thursday - Since we missed the groomer, I took all the dogs to get their nails trimmed while G did her riding lesson. I will never repeat this experience and if A is smart, he'll remind me of it when I think of getting a second or third dog. Not only did the dogs jump around from front to back to on top of me and cry the whole way there and back, they also got hair all over the (remember?) freshly vacuumed car. I still have scratches on my arms from holding her crazy puppy while the groomer clipped her. After this, I went back to the house - since no one else was home, I dropped her dogs off and walked Chibo down to the park and talked to my friends on the phone. Nothing like a lifeline!

Friday - Christmas day! Most of this day was spent preparing for supper. We broke out the Wii. A played tennis much of the day and I did a bit of bowling. When G's parents came over, her mom was really interested, so I taught her how to play and she loved it. A nice Christmas meal together, clean up and then early to bed.

Saturday - Boxing Day, G had a riding lesson, so while she was doing her lesson, M, A and I got dressed and went to the farm to see their petting zoo. It was very cool, but I love all opportunities to get close to animals. What's especially great about their petting zoo is that all the animals are rescued - it's not like they bought a camel specifically to have for a petting zoo, but they acquired him as a rescue. The other especially great thing about this petting zoo is that it has an interesting animal blend that I'm not sure you could find anywhere else. Zebra + Donkey = Zonky. Goes by the name Pippi, like Pippilongstockings. Very cute, very special.

After that, we headed to Los Dos Molinos for lunch. A had a special fondness for this restaurant, although we went to the new franchise opened in Mesa instead of the original one and he wished we'd driven to the original for the ambiance as this one was located in a business park next to a car repair shop. After that, (yes, this was our most active day yet!), we decided to go see Avatar in IMAX 3D - yeah, we were dreaming. We just showed up and no, we didn't get in. We also couldn't get into the current flat screen 3D showing. We purchased tickets for a later showing and headed home for a nap. We couldn't decide when to go back to get good seats and ended up leaving later than we'd planned, so we ended up in the front row, which sucked, although the movie was good. A now tells me that IMAX 3D is 17.50 per person and I just can't swallow that, although I bet the movie is great that way. I bitched about the crick in my neck until the next night, when I was able to finally cure it in Palm Desert.

So, that was our time in Arizona. What we learned from this part is that we probably don't want to commit to staying with friends for any certain length of time on our vacation - even with people that we love and even though I love to rest and relax on my vacations, laying around at someone else's house is just about as much fun as laying around at your own. If we're going to fly or drive 1500 miles, we want to DO something!

ABC's California Adventure Part 2

2009-12-23T01:01:00.000-08:00

Arrived in beautiful Burbank, California with time enough to check into our retro hotel, the Safari Inn and then head over to Universal Studios theme park. Our hotel is cute - 1950's style, but updated in the 90's so it's got modern amenities. They also allow dogs for only $25 per stay which was as reasonable as we could find. They don't allow the dog to stay in your room without you, though, which makes us even more grateful for Universal Studio's free kennels. So, if traveling with dogs, these are the questions I recommend you ask any hotel:

1. Do you allow pets/dogs?

(Check for size according to your breed)

2. What is your pet fee?

3. Is the pet fee per day or per stay?

4. Can the dog be left in the room? In a kennel?

5. Do you offer any dog walking services?

We liked the Safari a lot, though, and we ended up leaving Chibo in the room when we went to dinner with no problems. We put him in the bathroom with his crate and blankets and he was fine. We tested knocking on the door before we left and had also learned from the night before to leave a fan running to help block noise. We decided to stay an extra night at the Safari.

But when we arrived Sunday, we just threw our bags in the room and headed immediately over to Universal Studios, which was only 10 minutes away. Parked in Jurassic Parking, walked through CityWalk to the gates and dropped Chibo in the kennel through guest services and then we were in the park with 3 hours to play. We managed to fit in a couple shows and rides before we collected our dog and went back to the hotel.

My mom had recommended we go to this restaurant built into the cliff face, but we weren't sure what it was called and couldn't figure it out, so we got cleaned up and headed over to Olive's Bistro down the street from our hotel. The restaurant was empty, and I mean empty, but the small bar was full of local flavor. Paul, our bartender, was friendly and expressive and told us all about the other characters in the bar, including an animator from Ren and Stimpy fame, a local couple he affectionately referred to as The Bickersons and others. A had a couple of martinis and was feeling pretty jovial by the time we left, but we tried to get to sleep so we could get up early and enjoy the park some more.

A was feeling slightly conflicted about our plans for Monday - having enjoyed the park on Sunday, we weren't sure if we should stay all day. We had the option of touring another studio and/or leaving town early. We needed to decide that morning so we could check out and pack the car or not. Our minds were made up when we realized some friends who were also vacationing in SoCal were going to Universal that day. We booked the hotel for another night and decided to visit Warner Brothers the next day. Since we were so close to the park, we just showered, ate and checked the dog in for an early start.

We found our friends right outside of the Shrek 4D Experience getting their pictures taken with Shrek and Fiona - Fiona has asked our friend Sara, "Is this your ogre?" about her husband. Hee hee! We enjoyed the day with them, riding all the rides and seeing the shows we had missed the night before. It was a fun day and we especially enjoyed the studio tour. By the end of the day, my legs were aching, though, from so much more walking around than I am used to doing! We closed the park and headed back to our hotel where we promptly fell asleep at 9pm.

The next morning, we headed over to Warner Brothers studio for an even more inside look at television and movie making. As our guide explained to us, most of the back lots and sound stages on the studio lot are used in television productions, because movie budgets have allowed locations to be used more extensively, but she pointed out the location of Spiderman's famous kiss, the casino from Ocean's 13 and we got to see the Friend's Central Perk set and even walk on the set of Chuck. It was really fun - they were filming the new Nightmare on Elm Street and she tried to let us see Freddy Kruger, but it didn't happen, much to A's regret and my relief!

After that, we headed east towards Arizona with plans to arrive while our friends were away at dinner. We were, however, delayed when our missing California hosts, my aunt and uncle, returned our phone call. They had been in LA for the weekend, but had just arrived to their home in the desert. As we were about 30 minutes away, we decided to stop in for lunch. It was great to see my family and A loved them, so lunch turned into dinner and we got out of their way late! A drove like a trooper, though and got us to our friends' home in Arizona about midnight without incident. Whew! Time for some sleep now!

ABC's California Adventure Part 1

2009-12-20T08:59:00.001-08:00

Friday night after work, A and I packed our bags, loaded the car and drove down to Grants Pass to begin our California (and Arizona) Christmas Adventure. Our plans have been somewhat touch and go, because both our employers asked us to work during the holidays (after pre-approving our vacation plans!), some pressure from our Arizona hosts and no response from our potential California hosts. In the end, we decided to just do it and we're on our way!

Friday driving was hard with rain, fog and traffic, but we made to our friend J's house without incident by about 11pm. We planned to breakfast with J and get back on the road and my quote of the evening was, "I'll feel like we're starting really late if we leave at noon." A said he'd like to get on the road by 10. After cleaning Chibo's urine off J's carpet and my luggage and being awoken by him crying in the middle of the night, we woke up later than expected. Breakfast was a delicious frittata with asparagus, zucchini, carrots and onion, toast and coffee and lots of time spent working on our new netbook trying to find a hotel for the next night.

We got out of there at 1pm and I may never live down my quotable deadline from the night before, at least in J's mind. He thought that quite funny. A drove the next leg of the journey and repeated many of the same behaviors that I had done the night before, eyeing the GPS every minute or two and lamenting that we weren't getting there faster. I had kept that to myself, but A kept talking about it, which just made it worse. This day was also foggy and dreary.

We spent the night in Tracy, CA at a Quality Inn. Ate dinner from the food I brought along, which was nice because we didn't have to go out of our room and the town of Tracy smelled a little funny. We also snuck Chibo into the room and so I had to dive bomb him and wrestle him every time he barked, which was, unfortunately frequently as some young gigglers were just getting their room at about 3am. A considers that these may be town gals getting a room with their boyfriends after the bar closed. Maybe.

Continental breakfast, including boiled eggs and mini bagels (yum!) and we were on our way again, for a slightly less difficult, but no less boring, drive down the rest of California.

Christmas Came TWICE this Year

2009-12-13T13:29:00.000-08:00

A and I joined COSTCO. I feel very suburban, but seriously, the savings are intense! A bought my VitaMix there and in addition to mine, we got one for E and another that we sold online (at just enough profit to pay for our Costco membership, thank you very much). When A saw the VitaMix there (which only happens once in a while), that was the tipping point to getting our membership.

The challenges in my mind about a place like Costco are:
1. Purchasing products that are manufactured by children in third world countries
2. Purchasing from a big box store/warehouse instead of a small local business
3. Purchasing things we don't really need just because they are less expensive

When I was guiltily discussing this with my colleague at work, she reminded me that I can still choose ethical brand names and that these companies love working with warehouse stores, because they know they will sell at volume. Number one - check. Regarding buying things just because they are less expensive, I already know that we're doing that, because we bought 40 ounces of pomegranate juice that neither of really enjoy drinking straight. I'm putting it in smoothies and mixing it with orange juice to use it up. I think it might be the nature of a place like Costco that when you first join, you overbuy, but I am confident that we will normalize our buying habits pretty quickly.

My second concern is a little harder to figure out, but my second Christmas gift from A is the best example of this that I can come up with. I have had a mild interest in sewing for a while and E bought me an old Singer sewing machine a few years ago. The machine needed a tune up, got pretty dusty sitting in my garage and has never been used by me. Now that my friend R has started sewing and I paid $12x2 for hems that I know should be a snap, my interest in sewing has increased again. So, I hauled my old Singer to the small locally owned sewing machine sales and repair shop near my house to see what we could do.

For $100, I could tune-up my basic 3-stitch machine, though any needed parts would be extra. I asked about trading in and they weren't interested and asked about upgrading and was referred to a computerized 120-stitch machine for $399. This was days after Thanksgiving and on sale mind you! Yesterday, we found the same machine at Costco for $170. I cannot justify supporting my neighbors small locally owned business by purchasing a machine there for more than twice the cost at Costco. I can buy fabric, thread, notions and classes there, but I don't even feel guilty about buying my machine at Costco - the price is just too much better.

So, that's my second Christmas gift - A bought me a Brother XR9000 sewing machine. He extracted a promise from me to sew on his buttons and hem his pants, but I think I can handle that. And I'm going to clean up my old machine and gift it to my friend T who would also like to learn to sew. So, everybody wins - even the local sewing machine shop, because I probably will take my machine there for service and may even take a class there so that I don't mess up every pair of pants that A every buys!

It's Complicated: Loved It

2009-12-10T23:19:00.000-08:00

Got to see a free sneak preview of It's Complicated, starring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin tonight. A signed us up for this website that allows us to check out free films - we saw 2012 a couple nights before it opened, too. No opinion surveys, no photo ops on the evening news, just watch the film. I'm thinking they are creating buzz around the film with these sneaky previews and decided to do my part.

I LOVED It's Complicated. You should go see it.

There, my work here is done.

The Goods - Liked It

2009-12-07T13:48:00.000-08:00

Watched The Goods today as a free rental from Netflix. Seriously, I should bill this blog as a way to live cheaply, because I feel like I'm always talking about how we get our entertainment for free! Anyways, I didn't like the previews for this film and wasn't that interested in watching it, but was pleasantly surprised.

It's a fun film. Give it a go.

Blind Pilot: Loved It

2009-12-06T07:27:00.000-08:00

Was invited by friends to attend the Blind Pilot concert tonight. They rock. Loved them.

I'm finding it difficult to figure out the language of loving bands. The way that I want to express my admiration and affection for them is to say, "I want to have sex with every single member of the band." Do I really want to have sex with every single member of the band? No. If for no other reason than that one member of the band is a woman and I'm not that gay. But I probably don't really want to have sex with the male members of the band, either - I'm happily blissed out in my monogamous relationship.

But I do find myself attracted to the band and its members in a very visceral way. It's the music, it's the fun they are obviously having and, at the risk of sounding like a dirty old woman though I'm only thirty-something, I think it's also their youthful energy and angst. So, into monogamy or not, go see Blind Pilot - they are awesome.

P.S. Accordion player, I might actually want to have sex with you - you have a beautiful right arm and an electrifying smile. I'm no good with temptation, so please stay away from me.

The Prestige: Loved It

2009-12-05T23:53:00.000-08:00

Watched The Prestige at a friends house tonight. Holy crap - what an amazing film! Can't say anything more about it - if you haven't seen it yet, go see it. I don't know how I missed this one, but I remember A saying this one and The Illusionist in the same sentence and saying they were about magic - my response to that, "meh!" I haven't seen The Illusionist yet, but I will be putting it in my queue now that I love The Prestige, because I realize I may have missed another great film in that one.

Christmas Came Early this Year

2009-12-04T13:23:00.000-08:00

I got a Vita Mix blender for Christmas. A tried to tell me I'd have to wait until Christmas to open it, but I wheedled and whined until he relented. I'm actually finding myself a little intimidated by it, but am starting to find my way. This blender is amazingly powerful and much more of a machine than it's brothers by Oster. I watched the intro DVD and can't wait to put it through all of it's paces, although I must confess I'm not sure I'm ever really going to "cook" soup in it (yes, the blades create enough friction that you can actually cook in it!).

So far, I've made smoothies, pudding and ice cream in it and couldn't be happier. As I work on my weight loss goals, I'm happy to have this tool on my side. I make a smoothie every morning for A and I and we end up feeling full and nourished until lunch time. And when dessert is just yogurt + frozen berries (basic frozen yogurt recipe) or a pudding made of banana, berries, avocado and even greens, there is nothing to feel guilty about. I even told A that I've been putting greens into the smoothies and he didn't bat an eye!

Thanks Santa A - I love my Christmas gift and won't be sad when I don't have anything to open on Xmas day!

Un-PC Opinions

2009-12-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

I was thinking this morning about something that was not very PC. At this point, I can't even recall what it was, but I realized that while I wouldn't want to bring it up at work, with my in-laws or in mixed company, that blogging about things/thoughts/ideas that aren't that PC is one of the beauties of the system. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting, not do I condone, just slamming things online because of the anonymity of the net, but rather that writing up a thought process or working on an opinion online may sometimes be safer than bringing a fledgling dissenting opinion out into the light before its time.

I write that and realize that I sound like a bit of a scaredy cat and perhaps I am. After all, I hate conflict with a passion. I think my partner would be surprised to read that, as I am always contradicting him and giving him a hard time - "riding" him, in his own words, although that was only said out loud once. I suppose it's safe for me to have conflict with someone like my partner who I know loves and accepts me and usually accepts my sincere apologies.

I wonder when my sincere apologies won't be enough?

Ack, Where have I been?!

2009-10-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

I was dismayed when I noticed by beau not blogging any more, but now it's me! Is this really so wrong? If I'm participating more fully in LIFE, I would say it's just to the good. But perhaps the loss of valuable self-reflection, composition and creativity time is to the bad. I guess I won't make any promises, especially as I'm attempting to create a daily entry (that is again, EVERY DAY!) on my professional blog, but here's to going at it again.

Gym Rats

2009-10-04T08:52:00.000-07:00

I was leaving the gym a couple days ago thinking "gym rats" with some lip curl. Lip curl, being a universal sign of disgust, surprised me at myself. My thoughts went something like this:

Gym rats - ugh.
Whoa, what's with the disgust?
Disgust is just the start of intolerance...oooh.
Wait, I used to be a gym rat ... well, okay, I used to go to the gym a whole lot more.
Wow, calling someone a gym rat means I certainly wouldn't want to do that.
How self-limiting name-calling is!

This whole self-conversation was very revealing to me. Basically, I came up with the idea that calling anybody a name is bad. Guess I could have learned that in kindergarten.

Oh, yes, I remember Office Hours

2009-09-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

Filling in at my old job and am enjoying my "office hours" once again. I'm working, I've even already finished the main task that I was here to execute. But I'm also blogging, have balanced my check book and have emailed a few important emails that needed to go out. Office hours do quickly and easily turn into "Tiny Task Time."

In Christine Kane's blog and newsletter, she cautions about not letting email become an all day affair - that is, if it's open on your computer, it will be a distraction from other work and accomplishment. How many times do I swap tabs when I see that my email inbox goes from zero to one? Pretty often. And it's probably revealing that my inbox is in a near-constant state of zero. It's not that I don't get a lot of emails, but that I obsessively read them as they come in.

I'm going to throw email into a category of important, but not urgent tasks called "Tiny Tasks," which include organizing, scheduling, prioritizing and list making. These are relatively important and I will even argue that the are vital to me getting anything done, but I think that when I'm doing Tiny Tasks all day long, I'm not really accomplishing my larger goals.

I'm not sure where blogging fits - at work, on my work blog, that is, it's less of a distraction and more of a job, because I do need to do a little research and take the time to write something reasonably well thought out, but my personal blog...? Well, it's more for my personal entertainment, so it's probably not a task at all. That is, it's not on my To-Do list for the day, but more like taking a good friend's phone call.

In any case, I think I need to schedule Tiny Task Time and in that time, figure out what I should be doing during the rest of the day to accomplish my larger goals and to focus on items that are important but not urgent.

Oh What a Busy Weekend!

2009-09-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

Friday

Indian food with friends - yum! (Using a restaurant.com coupon - thank you!)
Watching a movie @ their house. Earth - AMAZING!

Saturday

Breakfast and coffee @ home (Scrambled eggs with leeks, poblano chile and grape tomatoes with Dave's Killer Bread toast - with great ingredients, you can't go wrong!)
House cleaning - okay this one isn't happening in the way we'd planned, but we've already set the tomatoes to drying and put all the sheets in the wash machine, so we're at least started
Veg Fest - fun!
Visit TRee and see the new baby who is cute as a button!
Mini golfing birthday party

Sunday

Maybe breakfast with friends from DC at the farmers market
Kayaking - time and location TBD, but we are DEFINITELY GOING!
See the baby if that didn't fit into Saturday's schedule
Doggie Palooza?
Mt Angel Oktoberfest?

Oh, there are so many options. I imagine that we'll come home after kayaking and finish the house cleaning, but there's always fall when the weather is bad, right? (The correct answer is: wrong, because in the fall and winter, there are all kinds of exciting and interesting indoor events, too, but I'm going to let it slide this time. I'm sure we'll be able to get the guest bedroom and bathroom picked up for our visitor next weekend and he doesn't care anyways.)

Hot and Heavy

2009-08-31T11:02:00.000-07:00

A friend on FB said, "Today is a coffe day." To that I reply, which day isn't? But I do agree - it's a cold, cloudy morning, perfect for a cup of creamy, dark bittersweet perfection which I picked up at Dutch Brother's this am. After a few tries, I learned how to properly order my drink of choice:

medium 1/2 decaf vanilla soy latte - no foam

And when they handed me my drink, I made a comment akin to the old, "I like my men/women like I like my coffee..." when I said, "ooh, it's just how I like it: hot and heavy."

Funny, eh?

The Best Laid Plans

2009-08-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, so none of that happened last night, but we did purchase a Yakima dry dock and saddles for our kayak transportation needs (which we'll hopefully use this weekend!) and got to see some good friends afterwards (with whom I hope to spend some time this weekend and with whom we're camping next weekend!). That was nice, although the high I've been on since I passed my exams needs a house-cleaning outlet. I can feel my nerves growing! I may have to clean tonight after my event even though I have to work early tomorrow!

I should have cleaned this morning, but got distracted by A & E, no not the channel (we don't do cable), but the people - first, A joined me upstairs and then E called after A had gone off to work, so I spent much of my early starting morning with them. I did, however, get some things done today, including:

ordering my birth certificate long distance
calling several patients that I need to follow up with
getting all the things collected that I need for my event tonight
sending several letters that needed to go out in the mail
picking up dry dog food and raw meat to make fresh dog food
getting fingerprinted for my licensing application

So, I'm heading off for some prep time at my event location, giving the talk/demo and then heading home as soon as possible. Maybe I shouldn't be drinking coffee these days - I think it just makes the mania stronger.

Exam Finished, Now What?

2009-08-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

I wish that were true, but I know what I must do:

Clean bathroom x 2
Clean kitchen
Change sheets in bedroom and guest bedroom
Vacuum/sweep entire house, including spider webs
Dust entire house
Make raw dog food, buy dry dog food
Start sauerkraut and pickles
Start kombucha
Start sprouts
Blanch and freeze green beans
Find a recipe for fresh garbanzo beans and make it
Shred and freeze zucchini
Make yummy raw borscht
Figure out how to make beet green palatable
Make eggplant rawvioli and eggplant dip
Plan meals for the rest of the week, including brown bag lunches for A and I!

And that all depends on which of the veggies have gone rotten in the fridge. I'm giving away two heads of lettuce today, because we just can't keep up - we're salad'ed out! If I end this week with no fruits and veggies in the bin, I think I'll actually be a happy woman!

Board Exams Passed

2009-08-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

$300 Exam Fee - first time around ($300)
$300 Exam Fee - second time around ($600)
$180 Practice Test Website Subscription Fee ($780)
$55 Practive Test Website Subscription Extension Fee ($835)
$15 iPhone Practice Test Application ($850)
$65 Hypnosis Session ($915)
+ Supplements for Brain Function ($925)
+ Coffee and food while studying out and about ($950)

Passing My Final Board Exam: Priceless

Squirrely Day

2009-08-19T15:45:00.001-07:00

I started my day with a "meeting" which could really have been a 5-10 minute phone conversation and a hand off. It was also social, though. Not sure how I feel about that since I'm trying to keep my social obligations nil this week.

Keeping social obligations nil this week, because I'm studying hard for my last board exam. I just worked for 2.5 hours straight then broke for a late lunch and after this post, I'm back at the books for another 2.5 hours.

A misheard me Sunday night when I told him and some other friends that I wouldn't be out much (socially) this week due to my exam next Tuesday. Somehow he heard me say that I had an event at the Siam Society this Tuesday and we went around and around for hours before we figured that out, because I swore that I didn't know anything about an event at the Siam Society.

The CSA weighs on my mind. I haven't been blogging what we get because I just don't know. I haven't been keeping up with knowing what we get or doing anything with it. I know we get lettuce every week and I think that two grown salad-eating adults with healthy appetites should be able to get through a head of lettuce every week, but I've had to start giving it away. I'm making pickles and sauerkraut this weekend (and freezing green beans) to try not to lose everything. We also got a beautiful eggplant, with which I look forward to making rawvioli.

So, it's back to the books now for me and the window out of which I hope to spy the little squirrel that I watched rolling around in the dirt while I ate my lunch. I grabbed take-out and drove back to the library, parked in the shade and listened to my book on CD while I ate. He was little and really cute and I wished I had a video camera to film his adorable antics. That and some food will have to sustain me a couple more hours while I finish my studying for today.

This Week From The CSA

2009-07-21T12:00:00.001-07:00

This week's CSA bag includes:

lettuce
green beans
a fresh-cut herb - if we're lucky enough for this to be basil, I'll be making B's Basil Balsamic Mashed Potatoes with that and the Yukon Gold's below - they're just so good, you have to try them!
summer squash - probably eat these shredded with a little cheese or nut cheese again or maybe grilled in our new grill wok
cucumber - mmm...sliced with some tomatoes and beans, a little rice vinegar...refreshing
Yukon Gold and/or Red Chieftan potatoes - whatever doesn't get mashed, I'd like to roast in the grill wok with some rosemary
leeks - might try a raw Cream of Leek soup - looks pretty good
blueberries - always good raw for breakfast

We haven't used much from the last bag, except we ate the fruit fresh right away. I'm hoping to make some Scrumptious Green Beans tonight from my Anti-Inflammatory Diet and Recipe Book maybe with last week and this weeks green beans. We'll definitely do a big salad each tonight, too to finish off the lettuce from last week. Seems we're always playing catch up with the food from the week before. It's too hot to cook much, so as much as I can do raw, we'll do raw. Hoping to clean the kitchen, make some food and take the dog to the dog park tonight before going to a social outing at the local roadhouse pub. Ambitious schedule, but I feel pretty energetic after a morning taiji session and a 16 ounce double shot latte.

Free Weekends!

2009-07-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a weekend. Friday night after work, A and I loaded up the car with camp chairs, air mattresses, life preservers and all manner of thing we weren't sure we needed and didn't end up using and drove up to Mason Lake in Washington to spend the weekend with friends. We BBQ'd, we picnicked, we swam, I snorkeled for lost treasures (and found only fish that seemed to follow me through the water), we went tubin', A rode on our friends jet ski (which is like a small open speed boat and accelerates faster than a Ferrari!) and Chibo got to learn some social skills with two boxers, a golden retriever and a border collie. Needless to see, he was out sized by all and more than a little freaked out, but I think he had a good time nonetheless. We certainly did.

After all the water sports on Saturday, we found ourselves with a few aching muscles, but luckily no sunburn and decided to head home a little early, but taking the long way around on the coastal highway. It wasn't as scenic as we'd have liked, but we enjoyed the country air and some cherries from a fruit stand just the same. The Astoria bridge isn't as bad coming over from the Washington side, but was still a thrill and we stopped by the beach in Seaside to let Chibo run around a little more before heading home. A and I played "catch" with Chibo - I called him to me then sent him to A, A praised him for coming over and sent him back to me. Since Chibo won't catch a ball, we just send him back and forth to wear him out. It works pretty well.

By the time we got home, all three of us were ready to crawl into bed and sleep off the weekend. Not exactly the most restful of weekends, but definitely a celebration of having weekends off from work! The friends who hosted us this weekend already invited us to join them for camping next weekend, too, so it looks to be an eventful summer.

When I was speaking to my pregnant friend, R, she was telling me that despite being pregnant, she's been able to do most of the things she had put on her list of summer goals, like camping in a fire lookout and other outdoor activities. Not having had weekends off for so long, I haven't really thought of a list of summer activities I'd like to do, but since this December marks the end of my 1001 days, I guess I should re-evaluate my outdoorsy or seasonal goals from that list:

23. Teach a QiGong class
27. Go outrigger paddling again
28. Go for an overnight backpacking trip
29. Go backpacking for more than one night
49. Plant an herb garden (or at least 4 kinds in pots) - 1 down, 3 to go - I've got a mint in a pot out front.
50. Plant a vegetable garden - well, this isn't going to happen, but maybe I can get a squash plant into the ground or a tomato plant in a pot for the house?
51. Plant Tiger Lily's bulbs - Yeah, I'd like to plant some flowers, but I think I missed my window - aren't these supposed to be planted in spring? Or maybe it's really fall?
59. Hike 2x per week for 2 months - Not sure I like hiking all that much, but we could do a few short local hikes and I'm sure A would love that!
72. Renew SCUBA certification and go diving! Everybody at the lake this weekend was interested in taking a class, so we could probably at least do that part.
80. Go to the zoo - We did this last week when we attended a zoo concert, but I'd like to go again.
81. Have a day of gracious living - tell people about the concept. Will have think about this one.
95. Take the train to Seattle - we have a coupon!
97. Have a cocktail party - make a new drink for friends! I can't wait to do this one!
100. Go to Olympic National Forest - wow, we could have done that this weekend! Guess we'll have to try for that next month when we head up that way again!

Looks doable. Let's see how we go.

This Week From The CSA: Thank God, it's FRUIT!

2009-07-14T13:47:00.000-07:00

Went nuts cleaning out the fridge last night - we ate salad with garlic roasted fava beans, zucchini hummus with pita and loads of pea pods raw. Delicious and just in time for another bagful of produce from our CSA. I'm really not keeping up, but I'm doing my best. This morning I made us a savory veggie tofu scramble (including cabbage, carrots, onion and zucchini from the CSA) which we both enjoyed. It was weird eating it with toast, but somehow it worked.

This weeks bag includes:

lettuce - salad, maybe taco tonight?
a legume of our choice (pea pods or green beans) - probably cleaned and eaten raw as snacks again - they travel well and are delicious
fava beans - will be roasted with garlic again, they were yummy.
blueberries - yum!
Kotata blackberries or gooseberry or jostaberry - yum!
black cherries - yum!
fresh cut chives - these will go well with the potatoes I've been craving
summer squash - if it's zucchini, more zucchini hummus - it's so good - or shredded and lightly cooked with a little cheese - like mac and cheese, only I feel slightly less guilty

Note: the CSA recommends cooking the three types of berries we're getting into a cobbler and I say, no way. These babies are going to be enjoyed fresh and raw! I may like cooking, but I have to say that the raw food movement has definately taught me that some things are best enjoyed in their natural state and berries are one of them! I can't wait to give myself a sweet treat tonight - hope A doesn't eat them all before he gets them home!

Getting Excited About Raw Again

2009-07-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

Working my last weekend at the market and trying to be very diligent, but it's challenging. A is picking me up here after work, we're buying some sack suppers and heading out to a concert at the zoo. Meeting many friends, including some who planned a "masala" wedding and now have a lovely child, with whom A is smitten. Should be fun.

In the meantime, I've eaten both a bagel and macaroni and cheese today, but am dreaming about raw food. I want a Vita Mix blender so bad that I'm considering just purchasing one on my credit card. Oh, bad American! Slap to the wrist. Anyways, I got ahold of this book from a friend of mine and can't wait to make some of the recipes in it. The pictures make the food look mouth-watering-ly delicious!

I mentioned the possibility of a raw entree at our wedding, but A thinks not so much. I reminded him of his earlier assertion that it's my wedding and I should have it the way I want it. I am tempted to ask for some really off the wall things just to see how far I can push it. At any rate, having a raw entree doesn't seem like such a wild idea to me. If everyone selected this option, we could have trouble keeping up, but I think most people would not be into it. But I know that I and my lady-in-waiting* certainly would.

*I haven't chosen or requested anyone to be in my bridal party yet as I'm waiting for a count from A, but assuming I have any bridal party, I assume she is waiting to be asked, hence, lady-in-waiting. And it's very regal and even though I don't really want to be a princess and certainly don't want to be a princessa and just is fun to say.

This Week From the CSA

2009-07-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

I went through the fridge last night and cleaned house. We still haven't touched the cabbage, but that'll keep a little longer. I made a chili with some of the dried beans, but though soaked, they hadn't cooked last night - I'm hoping the day in the slow cooker will do the trick, because I'm looking forward to a bowl of warm chili this afternoon. I threw in a bunch of peppers that I got free at the market, some of the onion from last weeks bag, some corn off the cob and a tiny bit of broccoli I found in a bag hiding in the fridge. It might seem weird to put broccoli in chili, but the best chili I ever made was thrown together with bits I had in the freezer once when I was poor and hungry and included a whole bag of frozen broccoli. Spiced it all up with a little chili powder, some cayenne and a lot of chipotle powder, because I just can't get enough of it.

We had taco salads for dinner last night using Fantastic Brand black beans - they were delicious and a great addition to the salad despite being pureed. If no chili tonight, then bean dip! Used up most of the remaining lettuce and decided to cut and clean the lettuce immediately as it arrives for easier usage. It's hard to want to make a salad in the evenings after work when I know it involved cleaning cutting so many veggies.

So far, what we have left from previous weeks includes:

rhubarb - going to make another pie, just need to get some berries
lettuce - just a bit, probably eat today as side salad
pea pods - these got lost in the fridge - we'll probably eat them raw because they are sweet and delicious
onion and dried beans - these will last a while
cabbage - need to make saag one of these nights - that'll make it go quick. If that doesn't happen, then I'm making sauerkraut
zuchini - raw pasta makings! Or raw zuchini hummus. Or dog food. :)
carrots - general use and A keeps eating them raw which is great!

This week's bag includes:

lettuce
pea pods
fava beans - never eaten this!
cabbage
blueberries - I've been eating blueberries as a nice light breakfast and it seems to be quite nice.
summer squash
a fresh cut herb
sedum - never heard of this! It appears to be a garden plant and NOT necessarily edible. So far the other two plants are still on my kitchen window ledge, but A says he's got potting soil somewhere and I know we have pots, so I'm planning on digging in the dirt a little later today!

We'll see what we end up doing with this bounty!

Instant Karma

2009-07-06T12:35:00.000-07:00

I may be a little bit evil, but it was my delight this morning to see the cops pull over this yahoo who speedily and dangerously crossed 4 lanes of traffic. It's always frustrating when people are driving badly and there is no cop. I feel more satisfied today that there is justice in the world.

Reading List : Growing Again

2009-07-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

I just went crazy with my library's online hold program. Mostly books on CD, but a few paper books as well:

Botany of Desire (from my reading list/permission slip)
The Secret Life of Bees (from my reading list/permission slip)
Prince Caspian (because I enjoyed listening to Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe and forgot to continue!)
Blink (never finished reading it before)
The Tipping Point (because I enjoyed Blink so much)
The Limbreth Gate and The Windsingers (because I discovered that one of my favorite authors writes under not one, but two pseudonyms!)

I don't think I'll even be increasing my reading time, but with the schedule change, I'll still be able to listen in the car, read on breaks at work and now, not feel guilty about it!

Wedding Registry

2009-07-04T06:38:00.000-07:00

It's interesting trying to think of things to go on a wedding registry when A and I both already had a pretty well set up household before we moved in together and I'm trying to clear even more clutter now that we're keeping house together for good. Some friends told me not to forget sheets and towels - they registered for Ralph Lauren sheets when they married 11 years ago and are still using them and have about 40 towels that allow them to have some in the wash and never run out.

It would be easy for me to put a lot of decorative serving ware on a registry, but I think of that stuff as a bit of fluff - what if I miss something that would be quite good on the registry?

And do we register for things like silver silverware and china? I don't know if A and I are really china and silver people, but maybe if we had such, we would be...?

And some of the items that make my wish list are items for which it would be difficult to register without having a separate "wish list" on the registry list site - for example, items not available through a big box or chain store and a particular sporting good.

On another hand, I remember when A and I have used registries to buy gifts for people's weddings and struggled to find gifts that reflected our shared experience of that couple...how do we put items on the list that our friends and family will also want to give us?

And there is something to adjust to in the idea of making a list of gifts that we want...I mean, it feels a little strange, a little selfish and more than a little greedy. I'm glad I put our wedding website through the I Do Foundation so that we (and our friends and family) can at least know that if people do choose to buy items from our registry that part of the purchase price will be donated to charity.

If this is supposed to be the fun part, I wonder how well I'll enjoy the rest of the wedding planning process...

Barbecue

2009-07-03T23:17:00.000-07:00

BBQ'd tonight with friends we met on the wedding cruise this past December. Though these folks live just 15 minutes away, we haven't seen them since then and have only spoken to exchange pictures immediately after the trip and to coordinate dinner plans for tonight. I don't know why we let such time go by as they are delightful. Our mutual friend, the bride from the cruise wedding, came up for a visit, so we all got together for a barbecue dinner and long visit.

Our meal was delicious: Dr. Praeger's California veggie burgers - brushed with EVOO before grilling, eaten with condiments between lettuce leaves - delicious! Watermelon, cob corn, grilled asparagus and strawberry shortcake and white wine for dessert. Two important lessons: 1. EVOO brushed on garden burgers before grilling helps them stay moist and 2. no white wine for me - I woke up with a hangover despite only drinking about 3 ounces.

I had a good time catching up with everyone and even found out about a local adoption agency that some friends of our hosts adopted a baby through. Even though I felt fatigued by the late evening and woke up not feeling well, it was a great night and gives me the idea of something to look forward to - only 2 more weeks until I have a reasonable work schedule again. It may satisfy some need to overachieve to be able to respond positively when asked "do you work..." but I will be even more satisfied to share my evenings and weekends in the companionship of my partner and good friends.

Working 9 to 5

2009-07-02T19:16:00.000-07:00

I can't WAIT to work 9-5 M-F! And it's finally going to be my happy state!

For most of the last year, I've worked 6-7 days of the week at one or another of my jobs. At present, I'm on Day 9 since my last day off in a string of 21-24 days depending on if I need to go into the office next Wednesday. And I'm exhausted with it.

It's sad when your dream of the weekend is to clean house and do yard work, but that's even a part of my fantasy weekend, enhanced every time I walk into my kitchen and smell the pot soaking in the sink, every time I try to find something to eat or drink in my overfull and disorganized refrigerator, every time I walk around a pile or mess and every time A tells me how much time he spent working on the yard and how my help would be most welcome.

I also dream of waking up late, of heading to the beach to run with the dog just because we don't have anything better to do, of meeting friends for breakfast, of going dancing and staying out late without dreading having to wake up early the next day and of having more energy to live.

I don't have more energy yet. I'm not up for increasing my social calendar yet and in fact, want to keep my weekends to A and myself for a little while just to build up some reserves and express my joy and appreciate for him, since I couldn't and wouldn't have weekends off without his help. I know life will be better for both of us with this change and I'm just trying to get through the next two weeks without falling completely apart.

This Week From the CSA

2009-07-01T15:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a chance to even look at this weeks bag. A brought it home and put it away and our fridge is getting very full with all this produce. It doesn't help that I did a pretty good sized shop or that the top shelf and door of our fridge are relatively unusable because of a delicate seal. So, in my effort to plan and not waste as much as possible, here's my ideas of how to use this week's produce:

lettuce - to be made into salad hopefully before it browns! Taco salad? Tomorrow!
cabbage - mmm...Indian cobi saag - should make this in the morning or evening and eat as leftovers.
broccoli - more?! I love broccoli, but I can't keep up!
a sample of the first of the summer squash - where is this?
edible pea pods - eat raw?
rhubarb - another pie, probably
orange carrots - guess I shouldn't have bought that 5 lb bag!
an herb plant (mint) - still needs to be repotted

I'm Engaged ... So Now What?!

2009-06-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

It's funny, because I remember A regularly mentioning us getting married early on in our relationship and me kind of freaking out. He was very superior when he would say, "well, clearly, you're just not ready for that yet," but I think he was always a little relieved. Well, now we're engaged and all the things that used to freak me out have faded out for a new batch of OMGs.

How to announce our engagement, for example...his parents were traveling with us when we got engaged and I called my parents right away. His parents took on calling his extended family and I'll get around to calling mine sometime...(see?!) After my parents were notified, I told A he could put it online if he wanted so many of our friends found out through Facebook, which seems pretty weird, but which, I was reassured, was fine. I asked a married gal pal how she did her announcements and she said that no matter how people find out, the important part is that we're engaged and that people get to share our happy news. But also, do I tell people who probably don't care? It's weird talking about it at work in front of people who don't care without including them...but I also don't want to force them to congratulate me or listen to my romantic sap. And does sending an announcement, even an informal one, automatically construe an invitation to the wedding?!

I also get a case of the heebee-OM-geebees from the rock on my finger. I'm very conscious of it and my hand feels like it's suddenly reached ginormous proportions. I think everyone must notice this sudden sparkly new addition to my usually nonexistent accessories, but no one really does. So do I shove it into people's faces with the announcement? That seems gauche, but seriously, it's gorgeous and I want people to see it! A did such a great job finding me a vintage ring. When I think about it, I really sent him down a rabbit hole with that request. It wasn't that I specifically wanted a vintage ring, but that I did NOT want a blood diamond, so new diamonds were out and after we went to Malloy Jewelry, we knew I really liked the vintage 1920's styles. But I'm also really afraid of hurting the ring and am always checking to make sure the diamond is still in there.

Lots of questions, few answers. When? Where? Engagement party? I told A that we should just enjoy being engaged for a little while before we start making these major decisions, but then he came back with a proposed location for the wedding, so I guess we're starting planning sooner than I expected. Whew, it's been a nice week enjoying the engagement - time to get down to business! Here we go...

This Week From the CSA

2009-06-23T15:16:00.000-07:00

This week's bag contains and was used to make:

rhubarb - Rhubarb Daquiri
edible pod peas - eaten raw as snack
lettuce - used as a wrap for garden burgers, perfectly sized small leaves
onion - saved for later use
dry mixed beans - saved for later use (maybe chili?)
beets - steamed greens and beets (not very successfully); plan on finishing beets cold in salad
broccoli - steamed greens and ate with macaroni cassarole; ate "tree" part separately
cauliflower - Broccoli Bisque soup from Blossoming Lotus cookbook, modified for cauliflower
a potted marigold flower - needs to be re-potted, still sitting on my windowsill dying

It may be New, but it's still Mexico

2009-06-18T15:12:00.000-07:00

Traveled with A and his parents to New Mexico and found New Mexico charming. I was pretty enthusiastic the entire trip and found myself exclaiming about how "cute" everything was. There are a few words I dislike, among them and high on the list, are cute and stupid, so I felt pretty stupid blathering on about how cute everything was.

At any rate, I loved New Mexico. We landed in Albuquerque Sunday afternoon and spent the day with our friend D who showed us the sights of Albuquerque including old town, the plaza and Tingley Beach. She explained that many of the towns in New Mexico are centered around a plaza and church, which shopping a restaurants all around. We saw a lot of life in these plazas including tango dancing, choirs, Indian vendors and even just locals having a lunch break. Shopping around the plaza in Albuquerque had better prices than around the plaza in Santa Fe, but there is ever so much to see in both places.

I learned that barter is still practiced in New Mexico when a pair of earrings we were looking at dropped quickly from $120 retail to a special offer for a pretty lady at $25. I'm cheap, but I think even spendthrifts will find that they don't need to spend more than $5 to get some great turquoise and silver earrings. One great place to shop in Albuquerque is the Blue Portal (2107 Church St NW) which is a craft shop for seniors. It's run as a charity, so the seniors who's work is sold get 100% of the price you pay and there is no tax on the items. The prices were much more reasonable than at other shops as there is no mark up, but the selection was somewhat limited.

Monday morning, we picked up A's parents in our rented Prius and drove up to Santa Fe by way of Madrid, New Mexico. Pronounced mad-rid like "mad hatter," Madrid is the cute artsy town featured in the movie Wild Hogs. It was a great halfway point on our drive up the turquoise trail and we were delighted with the galleries and boutiques. I especially was drawn to the works of Ms. Liz Falkoner, a local artist in Madrid who's gallery Tombo is an old train car with a couple of dogs to welcome you out front. I also loved the gourds by Carol Lee and was especially intrigued by Liz Paterson's white clay pots and sculptures. I left Madrid with the feeling that I want to resume my own artistic creativity!

When we arrived in Santa Fe, we were pleased to check into the Villas de Santa Fe where we had a 1 bedroom condo - I'm sold on the idea of a condo for traveling - it's so nice to have a kitchen and a place that feels like a home. A and I even headed out to the Santa Fe farmer market Tuesday morning for some fresh produce. The prices seemed steep, but we later realized it must be hard to grow fresh produce in those local environs. We picked up some tamales for dinner that night and salad fixins. My only regret is that I didn't get the local kombucha I saw there - I thought I would see it around, but I never found it again and would have loved to try it as the flavors, like Sangria and Mojito, sounded fantastic!

Lots more galleries in Santa Fe - including the Mineral and Fossil Gallery where A purchased an interesting 150 million year old fossilized squid piece. We didn't even get to see that much of Canyon Road as we started out near the plaza. The drive by we took later was just enough for A to know he needed to go back for photos the next morning and me to know that I could happily return to Santa Fe another time in the future. Our other explorations included churches: San Miguel Mission and Loretto Chapel; food: Upper Crust Pizza (whole wheat crust! yum!) and Bumble Bee Baja Grill (squash quesadillas are my new favorite!); and chocolate!

Oh, the chocolate! A sweetly put together a list of the best chocolate places in Santa Fe for my tasting pleasure. It was catch as catch can and we nabbed chocolates whenever we could find them, but were surprised at the dearth of chile inspired chocolates. At Todos Santos, we tried the red chili and tangerine cream truffle - it was good, but not quite spicy enough for our local adventure. At Kakawa, we were put off by the incredible focus on elixirs, but tried a couple of truffles and elixirs anyway. From the mildest Marie Antoinette to the strongest Aztec Warrior, we decided that cocoa elixirs were not for us. We did enjoy the truffles, though. Number 1 for us was the Peach Pink Peppercorn truffle which neatly combined the sweet peach and spicy peppercorn flavors. The Gorgonzola truffle was also quite good, but we are biased to our own local smokey blue cheese truffle. Another interesting taste that we didn't love, but which is worth a taste was the paprika truffle. Basically a chocolate truffle rolled in paprika, it's strange at first because it's a whole lot of paprika, but once the flavors blend in your mouth, it's actually quite good. After that, we were on a mission to find chili chocolates.

A wrong turn put us at Chocolate Maven, but we were in no mood for distraction, so it was back into the car until we finally found our original destination of Chocolatesmith. Next time, it would be worth taking time for Chocolate Maven, but every time, it's worth taking lots of time for Chocolatesmith! Both were featured on Food Network which will make them popular tourist spots, but you don't get on Food Network for nothing! Chocolatesmith was generous with their tastings and we were able to try many things, including a white chocolate lavender lemon bark and the mountain bark (with cherries, coconut, toffee and white and dark chocolate!), both of which we loved. In our excitement over the green chiles, we even forgot to try or purchase any red chile chocolates, so those are on my list for when I go back! We walked away with dark chocolate dipped ginger; pistachio, cherry and green chile bark and a single spat all of which were consumed with great delight. It's hard to say if I liked the bark or the spat better - the spats are "Pan Roasted Tamari Piñon (pine nut!) in a bed of Buttery Home made Caramel trimmed with Dark Chocolate" and were DELICIOUS! The sum of our chocolate tasting - yes, there is good chocolate to be had in Santa Fe!

We also spent some time in Bandelier National Park after which I welcomed the highlight of our vacation: a trip to the spa! A booked us a room at Ten Thousand Waves, but not just any room, the best room they have, the romantic Ichiban private bath house. It was an amazing place to relax and rejuvenate and an even more amazing place to receive a marriage proposal. Yes, A asked me to marry him while we were relaxing together at the spa and I said yes. This vacation and this place will therefore always hold a special remembrance in my heart.

Must do's next time I'm in Santa Fe:

Try local kombucha
Canyon Road art galleries
Chocolate Maven: breakfast and baked goods
Chocolate Smith: more spats, red chile chocolates
More authentic New Mexican cuisine
Ten Thousands Waves, again and again

This Week From the CSA

2009-06-17T15:19:00.000-07:00

A and I are excited to have purchased a share in a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) Farm. This means we paid a fee to the farm up front and receive a share of the harvest each week through the growing season as well as free seconds, discounts at the farm stand and a few open farm days to U-pick. A has charged me with making sure that we don't waste our CSA dollars and that we eat up all the yummies we get each week, so I'm going to be blogging about what we get and what I make with it each week. Bon apetite!

This week's bag contains and was used to make:

lettuce - Taco salad, mmm...
rhubarb - Raw Strawberry Rhubarb pie
strawberries - gifted to a friend
pinto beans - dried, on hold for later use
onions - saved for later use in soup
bok choy - didn't get to this until it was already turning; edible peices cut up for dog food
a calendula plant - gifted to a friend

So far, so good. Hope we get bigger bags as the summer goes on.

What a Morning

2009-06-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

It's only 8am and it's already been quite a morning...woke up very early. Not sure why - maybe the 2 cups of coffee I had at 9pm last night? Didn't seem to affect my sleep, but I'm certainly a little extra jazzed this a.m. Found out that the dog had peed on the carpet at some point in the night - did we forget to take him out for his before bed pee? Yes, we did. Oops - mea culpa. Something has to change for my poor dog. He's not happy and I'm not happy about his current quality of life. And "staying in the garage" would most definitely not be an improvement.

After many "I'm sorry"s to A for the carpet, it's on with the day, including a raw breakfast: soaked oat groats blended with cinnamon and dates with sliced apples - yummy and preparing lots of other raw foods for the next couple of days. The raw agenda: sunflower and sun dried tomato pate, not tuna salad and ranch dressing from Jennifer Cornbleet's Raw Food Made Easy for 1 or 2 People. We got tomatoes (for stacking or for slicing onto sandwiches and in salads), romaine lettuce (for sandwich "bread" or salads) and avocado. I think that gives us several options and will be quick and easy since I pre-prepped onion, celery and lemon juice. I mostly just have to process things together this morning. I might even splurge and mix up a raw cheez if I have enough lemon juice.

This morning, I also cleaned out my email inbox, created several useful Google Documents and emailed "collaborators" to join me, found 3 new old friends on FB, added a travel map to my FB page and added every city I've ever been to, using the criteria that I had to have actually done something in that city, not just drove through or flew through. I'm getting a little OCD with my FB page.

I've also recently added "weRead" in which I can keep adding books that I've read. I should have just started where I was at that moment, but it's very tempting to just keep adding books that I've read. I've already added more than 150 books and I keep remembering more authors and books and that's all fiction! One thing that's holding me back is that my aunt, all of who's books I've read, is a historical romance writer...many of my other favorites seem to be pretty sexy books and some are even categorized as erotica ... yeah, there's really not much more I want to say about that, but I just don't want people to think I only read sexy books. I remember dog sitting for a couple weeks once and reading all the crime dramas on my hosts shelves during that time frame - I just don't remember those books.

Quite a few other tasks on the list today, but most of those have to do with mailing or faxing things before I leave this weekend, especially getting my medical claims sent in so I can be reimbursed. Another appointment with the chiropractor and maybe something social this evening as A and I haven't been out to see our friends in a couple of weeks.

Whew. Tired already. Think I might have to take a nap.

Ack, My Back

2009-06-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

Haven't been able to sit down and catch up my thoughts for the past week, because I haven't been able to sit down. I herniated a disk in my back a week ago and have been in a world of hurt since then.

I find myself remembering when my dad did this in his 40's. My mom told me that was the only time she'd ever seen him cry and it wasn't about the pain - it was about not being able to take care of his family. Well, my dad ended up having surgery and was fine not long after. I'm going to be fine, too, sans surgery.

It's great having chiropractic, naturopathic and acupuncture at my fingertips. I'm taking fish oil and enzymes to fight the inflammation and am having soft tissue work, adjustments and physical therapy to recover. While I've been down, I've been watching all kinds of raw food videos and wishing that's what I was eating, but instead, I've made do with take out since I didn't want to be more of a burden on A. I do think raw food would have helped speed my recovery along, though, if for no other reason than that I wouldn't have been consuming so many pro-inflammatory foods.

I've been out for a week, hoping that workman's compensation is going to cover this time off, but needing to be off regardless, because sitting hurts and standing for too long also increases my pain. I'm bored, a little cranky, also hopeful and glad that I have a personal vacation scheduled next week.

Okay, so I didn't MANIFEST my lottery win, but I also didn't buy a ticket.

2009-05-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

My experiment with post-dating and manifesting my desired outcome did not work out as well as I'd hoped, although it would probably have helped if I'd actually bought a lottery ticket. Despite the best of intentions, I did not. I tried, though. Twice. The first time, we had missed the Sunday drawing and decided not to buy for Wednesday until we knew that no one had won Sunday and the second time, well, I guess I didn't really try, I just forgot because my dog was sick. (No, really, he's got the kennel cough.)

What I realized since the big winner from Winner is that even when it gets reset to $20 million dollars, if I actually ever won, if I won, I would be set for life with even that much money, which is, of course, the appeal of the lottery. But does that mean I should always play? After all, there is no guarantee and in fact, it's likely, that I could play every week for the rest of my life and never win big enough to recoup my losses, even if I only ever played a dollar a week. It is, after all, for entertainment only, not investment purposes.

But, people win. And some people win big. It's a strange form of gambling. When I'm at a casino, it's easy for me to reject it and say no way, because I know I'd lose a lot of little amounts and don't stand to win that much. But to win $20-200 million from $1 ... that's insidious. $52 per year isn't such a lot of money if I was entertained by the process, but I think I'm one of those people who would try changing around my numbers, but still want to keep my old numbers and oh, the pots getting bigger, bet get a few extra tickets and all that.

I guess that's what they call an addictive personality. Come by it naturally, though. And my whole family seems to really like gambling, so I should probably steer clear. Or at least wait for a big jackpot.

Oy! Hate When That Happens.

2009-05-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

Was reading two good books and just finished both of them...the other book I'm reading is at my office. Can't listen to my books on CD except in the car or on my home computer at the moment. And the next book to be delivered to my library for me is the 4th book in the Twilight series, but I haven't read the 3rd book yet! My reading schedule just got wonky! I hate when that happens!

Live Long and Prosper

2009-05-29T07:06:00.000-07:00

I loved the new Star Trek movie. LOVED IT! And even found myself excited for the new Transformers movie. Am I getting stupider?

Too Much Reading

2009-05-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been doing too much reading and not enough studying. So I tried to impose a rule on myself that I'm only allowed to listen to books on CD in the car until I finish that one lingering board exam. Well, fat chance of that working. Since I instituted that policy, things have only gotten worse, although I did get a lot of studying in yesterday. Here's my current reading list:

On CD:
Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett
Pigs in Heaven by Barbara Kingsolver

Books:
The Host by Stephanie Meyer
Sky Coyote by Kage Baker
Midwife...something or other... (paperback I picked up somewhere)

Also just finished:
Dead Man's Mirror and Death on the Nile by Agatha Christie (both on CD)
The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs
The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler
The Ladies Number 1 Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith
Sushi for Beginners by Marian Keyes

On the other hand, I returned Rainbow's End by Vernor Vinge and Tiger Claws by John Speed to the library unfinished so maybe there is hope yet.

The List

2009-05-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

A and I headed out to a show last night and it was awesome. The only not awesome part about it was that the artist was apparently someone on his list. You know the list I'm talking about - the list of people that you could totally do and your partner would stand on the sideline cheering you on. Yeah, well, in theory, that's great, but I think it changes the very nature of the list when that person is more immediately local. Yeah, it's kind of weird.

So I got all pissy and jealous cause that's just what I do, but I haven't done it in a while and it was a great miserable time for all. However, when I was asked who was on my list, I had no answers...do I even have a list? No, I don't have a list, but after a recent episode of Family Guy and this post from The Bloggess, I got curious about Alan Rickman - who the hell is Alan Rickman and why would it surprise our men that we want to do him? Well, as it turns out, that whole Snape thing just flat does it for me, so if I had a list, Alan Rickman would be on it. And probably Johnny Depp.

And definitely Harrison Ford and Sean Connery. But I don't have a list, because it's objectification and I don't view other human beings as sex objects, but instead as sexual beings.
But I'd also totally do Brad Pitt and/or Angelina Jolie - together or separately. Because they are hot sexual beings.

What I'm Going to Do Now That I Won $200 Million From the Lottery

2009-05-26T10:05:00.000-07:00

1. Pay off all my debt, including financial debts to friends and family and mom's PLUS loan
2. Give notice to my second job that I will be decreasing work to 1 day per week or quit
3. Give notice to my career job that we will be okay or quit
4. Hire a financial planner/adviser
5. Hire the Dog Whisperer and a dog walker
6. Go to the Tree of Life for as long as it takes to feel rested
7. Take that trip to Italy that I've been longing for
8. Establish trusts for my family
9. Set up my raw kitchen
10. See what life is like debt free and with means

I Won The Lottery!

2009-05-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

I just won 200 Million dollars in the lottery!

What I Should Do...

2009-05-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

Seems like I blog about once per week. Often on Saturdays at work, sometimes Sunday. And I often pre-date my items so it looks like I blogged all week. So my constant lament that I'm not blogging as often as I would like seem a little strange - readers might wonder if I wish I was blogging nonstop in the style of Twitter. No, I just wish I processed my thoughts and captured my funnier musings more freshly and frequently, rather than trying to remember all the ideas I had through the week while sucking down my large free coffee and trying to appear to be working behind my work monitor which is angled just so that other people in my work space maybe could* just see what I'm doing.

At any rate, unless I get a newer faster computer or more time (or more priorities from which I can procrastinate in the form of blogging), I'm unlikely to suddenly start blogging on a daily basis, so this is the solution that I've hit upon: I should blog in advance for the week. When you publish a blog and post-date it, it will be published on the date scheduled. I'd have to write a little extra, catch up from the prior week and then get ahead, but then I would already know what to be thinking about, what musings to experience, what social experiences to have and what dinners to make for the week ahead. It's like uber-planning. Wonder if the Universe would conspire with me? I wonder if this would manifest for me in the method of The Secret? Let's find out.

*In addition to constantly analyzing my use of double negatives, A has taken particular umbrage to my use of "maybe could," "maybe should," "maybe would" and especially the negative "maybe shouldn't" or "maybe wouldn't." I feel that my meanings are clear with my double negatives - which used to be a more accepted usage and now seems to suggest to A and perhaps scholarly sorts a lack of education, but which to me feels comfortingly middle class and homey - and with my indecisive use of modals in the random tense. And isn't clear meaning what's really important? I'm not sure if A really doesn't understand me or is just trying to correct me.

The worst thing I do at work today...

2009-05-23T09:04:00.002-07:00

I may have written 10 blog entries by the time I leave work today. I also will have done research on various topics online (probably a little research on Jane Austen and maybe reserving some books at the library), balanced my checkbook, made various lists on the backs of scrap paper and probably refined, clarified and confirmed my plans for tonight.

I will also have drunk 16 ounces of coffee, eaten a donut, a bagel with cream cheese and probably some mac and cheese, all of which are things I'm trying to avoid while on a cleanse. I will pick up some freebie veggies, though, all of which are totally legal on the cleanse but none of which I will probably eat tonight to make up for my work hours debauch.

I might even cry at work today, though I'm doing a good job not going there just yet. My eyes have teared up a few times, but I've managed to deep breathe them away. Not sure why I'm crying all the time right now, but in a way, it feels good, cleansing. In another way, it feels like something must be seriously wrong with my life for me to cry more days than not. And in the way that matters most, it feels like I made myself sick crying and sobbing for too many hours last night so that my eyes are swollen and my throat raw this morning.

But I will also have met all of the goals of my being at work today. Not even half-assed-ly. Is that wrong? If I get my work done in less time, shouldn't I be able to steal a few moments to gather my thoughts? I think my employers would say yes to the first and no to the second. I think they would say that if I have more time at work that I should be helping out, contributing more, lending a hand to my coworkers.

It's a sad irony that my best down time is achieved at work. And that when A and I try to come up with solutions to my serious lack of money and time, that quitting this job seems the most viable solution. And that in my opinion, the worst thing I will do at work today is to have eaten that stale donut.

My New Motto / Rule / Whatever

2009-05-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

As I walked in to work this morning with the sun in my face, I heard a friend say a cheery "Good morning, B" followed immediately by a more neurotic, "please don't judge me." I hadn't even noticed her sitting there nor the cigarette in her hand since the sun was blinding me, but I reassured her, "not at all." And that's really what I'd like.

Not at all. No judgment. Even more than non-judgment, I would like non-concern and non-notice of certain areas of my life. What I'd like people not to notice this week: what I'm eating. Unless I'm breast-feeding you, it does n0t affect you and is none of your concern. In my etiquette readings, I have learned that it's actually a rudeness to pay any mind to what people are eating. While I wish that much more etiquette would be remembered (even if means that my indelicate mention of breast-feeding gets me a slap on the wrist), this one seems particularly important when food is busy being demonized.

How this wish came to my attention was in discussion about vegetarianism with a colleague. She's a veggy, A's family are veggy, many of my friends are veggy and I usually eat as a veggy. Some of the wacky hijinks of A's family revolve around issues around vegetarianism and reasons for becoming and maintaining a vegetarian lifestyle. So I was discussing with a friend and had fondly remembered a bite of prime rib that I had greatly enjoyed and my mom's cooking which is often heavy on the meat and strikingly delicious. My colleague said something that made me pause for the rest of the day and the following night, "it sounds like you don't want to be a vegetarian."

Wow. Did I? Do I? The answer surprised me. No. Not if being a vegetarian means that people will be watching to see if I eat meat. Not if it means that I cannot enjoy local cuisine when I travel in the world. Not if it means that I have to alienate people that I love. Do I want to eat a lot of meat? Do I want to eat meat with every meal, daily, regularly? The answers to these are also no. It comes back to my not wanting to be labelled. I mostly want to eat as a vegetarian, I even prefer to often eat as a vegan, because if I'm really concerned about animal welfare/rights, I think the egg and dairy industries are oftentimes just as bad if not worse than the meat industry. But I also want to be able to take a bite of something. I also want to be able to enjoy the community and ceremony of eating meat occasionally. I mostly want to be able to be open to experiencing those things that I choose to experience without being punished or judged for them.

So, I'm setting my intention to not notice what other people eat so as to set the example for what I want. Maybe that means I'll have to ask people "how" they are eating on a regular basis, but this is no more than the same negotiation that is required when any group of people are trying to pick a restaurant or plan a shared menu. But I'm not going to notice - I'm going to let other people be responsible for their own choices and their own labels. And I'm going to reject any label and eat what I choose. And if/when I have children, I will, with my partner, decide based on what I think is healthy and good for them, how they shall eat until they are old enough to make those choices for themselves.

I guess it's not really a rule or a motto, but whatever. It's just a good feeling to stop feeling like I have to lie or hide who I am, what I want, the choices I make and the things that I really like. I hope that others can experience this feeling someday, too.

Dear Potential Future Mother-in-Law

2009-05-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

Another new blog idea...letters to my potential/pretend future mother-in-law. I would desperately like to include a sample of the kind of hijinks that might ensure were I to pursue this line of thinking, but a) I can't remember all the funny lines that were going through my head this week and b) A might not appreciate me writing a letter to his mother in such a way...in public.

It's a "you had to be there" moment when there is: in my head. Like when I was trying to remember the name of the islands my friend recently visiting and all I could come up with was Corks and Turkeys when the name of the island was actually Turks and Caicos.

Christmas in May

2009-05-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

I finally opened my second Christmas present this week. For Christmas this year, I received two great gifts*. E got me a beautiful hot pink pashmina that I've worn many, many days in the past 6 months and look forward to wearing for years to come. And my mom got me a Food Saver. She's becoming quite the savvy Internet shopper, my mom is.

Well, the box the food saver came in was huge, so it sat under the console table in my dining room for 6 months. I finally opened it and am blown away - it's so cool. It came with two canisters that it vacuum seals and a extra lid that can be used on any jar! I think I like those better than the sealing bags, but as the produce starts coming in, I think I'm going to enjoy the bags too. A is really excited, because there are accessories we can get to speed marinading and to vacuum wine bottles.

After Christmas, I was really sad that I had only gotten those two gifts and especially since I had thought I was getting at least one other gift from another person**. I tried not to be sad - I know I'm an adult - but I was sad and cried a lot that I hadn't gotten that third gift. The UNI has offered me a fresh perspective on gratitude*** this week with the opening of my second gift and that's just this: be grateful. I am grateful that I got ANY gifts for Christmas, I am grateful that the gifts I got are really thoughtful and came from the heart. I am grateful that the gifts I got are things that I LOVE. And I am grateful, most of all, to have these two thoughtful-gift-giving women in my life, who's greatest gifts aren't material at all. Thanks, E. Thanks, mom. Love you both.

*I just remembered that I also got a few gifts at Christmas parties, including a wine journal (not yet used as I don't really drink much), some coasters and candles (also not used because A and I don't have coffee tables), and a rocket blender which I have used and LOVE. So, even more to be grateful for!

**A and I agreed not to exchange gifts since we had taken a cruise vacation and bought a bunch of stuff for the house on Black Friday, but I guess I still thought he'd get me at least a little something. Guess that'll teach me to agree to a "no gifts" holiday!

***This fresh perspective has been brewing for some time. During my DC trip, I talked to one couple who doesn't give each gifts at all, not for Christmas or birthdays or ever. They just buy whatever they want/need and don't worry about gift-giving for each other. This is sacrilegious to me, who's love language is all about gifts, but it seems to work for them. And then this week, when A's mom was here for her birthday, I was surprised that her only gift and card were the things I purchased for her on my way home from work that day. Granted, A had just taken us all on vacation, but I was still surprised that my little gift was all she received.

Change is A Foot

2009-05-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

Amidst all of the wacky family time with A's parents and sister, I realized/remembered that "oh yeah, in addition to honoring them as family and making sure they are comfortable as guests, I need to honor myself and make sure I am comfortable!" Okay, okay, nothing profound in that...or is there? I think for people, okay, for me, that it's all too easy to forget myself, to put my own priorities in the realm of wishes, to be uncomfortable for some ideal of the greater good when it's really not only unnecessary, but also ultimately unhelpful. That quote about hiding out light under a bushel comes to mind.

This doesn't mean that I am purely individualistic, but rather that I can no longer abide not taking care of my needs. No one else is doing it for me (nor should they). A long time ago, a devout Muslim friend asked me who should I love above all else. Wanting to impress him with my own spirituality and not even thinking about the question, I answered, "God." He corrected me and reminded me that one cannot love another, even God, without first loving oneself. I love myself, but like a lover you take for granted, I haven't been very loving with myself. So, I decided to make some changes, to think about what I really need and what I really want in making decisions, to let important self care aspects be just what I do, and to let myself shine.

Not sure how that's really been working out for me this week - it's definitely easier to pursue these changes in the regularity of a daily schedule, without guests, without extra lectures several evenings of the week and without financial concerns, but I think even the mindset has allowed me to be compassionate instead of resentful, resolute instead of aggressive and genuine in my emotional expression rather than fake with myself, my partner and those around me.

Let's see how we go with a new week coming on.

Macaroni and Cheese

2009-05-09T09:04:00.001-07:00

I may have to start a new blog exclusively about macaroni and cheese...I try it everywhere I go and have a grading system, but I think my wisdom is being lost...anyway, I'm thinking about it.

In the meantime, I had the mac at the Full Sail brewery on the way home yesterday: C-
Watery cheese sauce, little flavor. The bread crumbs and crushed red pepper were good, but were just baked on the surface and that's about all this mac had to offer, a little surface flavor. The portion was plentiful, but it consisted mostly of cheap elbow noodles and said watery sauce. I've had better vegan mac and with this mac boasting 6 actual cheeses, I expected more. Maybe with enough flavorful beer, I would have enjoyed this more.

Lake Chelan ...in Review

2009-05-08T22:45:00.000-07:00

Drove back from Lake Chelan today. Loooooong drive back. Return trips always seem so much longer, probably because I'm not looking forward to the vacation but instead looking forward to coming home, unpacking, returning to work, cleaning up after the vacation, etc., etc.

Lake Chelan was beautiful, I loved the town, loved our condo and think I could have had a wonderful time, but I will admit that it wasn't all flowers and candy. Every day my travelling companions found something to complain about:

the weather sucks
the weather is great - the weatherman sucks
there's nothing to do here (despite a book with 101 things to do in Lake Chelan)
if there was Internet, we'd be able to find things to do
my back hurts, why am I sleeping on the hide a bed?
stop offering me a real bed, of course I'll sleep on the hide a bed

But there was also a lot that was enjoyed, including:

The Vogue - Internet cafe - good coffee, nice atmosphere, definitely a great community space
The Bear Market - Natural foods market - great selection, reasonable prices
The Bear Market Cafe - crepes! Need I say more? I will, though - these crepes are WONDERFUL! Go there! The crepes are fantastic and the guys working the cafe are super friendly. They even gave me the recipe so I can start making crepes at home!
Blueberry Hills Farms - we had lunch here one day, but the real attraction is the pie! I don't even like pie, but the mixed berry pie was yummy!
Tsillan Cellars Winery - I missed this, but everyone loved the winery and agreed it was the best one. Modelled after a 15th century Tuscan villa, the buildings and landscaping were gorgeous and the wine was the best. Based on the sample I tasted out for pizza, I'm inclined to agree - it's some of the best wine I've ever had.
A great scenic drive thru Chelan Butte, which I also missed, but which was described to me in great detail and included amazing scenic vistas and even a ghost town.

It's ironic and telling that some of the family's favorite moments were things that I missed, but A assured me that at each of those moments, my absence was noted and I was missed. I bowed out on these activities to enjoy some alone time which I spent mostly enjoying the silence and solitude of our room after the regular clamor and noise of this family. I'm not sure if my nerves can handle many more full family vacations or if I can believe A's sister's "Never again." commentary, but I do think that I learned a lot and that maybe, just maybe ;) A's worth it.

Chelan's Best Pizza

2009-05-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

Arrived in beautiful Chelan, Washington today for a week staying at a condo on the lake. Lake Chelan is a large, beautiful body of water surrounded by rolling hills and snow capped mountains. To give you some idea of the idyllic nature of the place, we encountered deer and big horn sheep on the way up! Much of the drive was freeway, but the last hour was generally through farm country consisting of beautiful fields and orchards, many currently in flower. These orderly flowering fields are the charm and romance of farm life.

Upon our arrival, we decided to go for pizza and I'm happy to say that we may have stumbled upon the best pizza in town at Local Myth Pizza. The owner/operators were incredibly friendly and accommodated our large group easily. And, most importantly, the pizza was outstanding! We ordered the Hot Bobo, a Tex-Mex take on pizza including cabbage and jalepeno peppers - it certainly is hot and delicious! All of us were amazed to enjoy cabbage on pizza, but because it was shredded, it almost looked like it was just part of the cheese and it just took on the flavors of the whole pizza.

We also got the Garden Neavau, which was chock a block with veggies and a real delight on the crispy thin crust. Our eyes were bigger than our stomachs when we then ordered a third pizza, the Marguerita. After a couple slices were eaten amidst groans, we got a box and headed out.

Can't wait to see what the rest of the week brings...

Fighting Dirty

2009-04-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

This article is ridiculous.

But the fact that the opening line: "Do you go from zen to harpy in no time when it comes to arguing with your guy?" spoke to me says a lot. I don't actually do any of the 8 signs mentioned in the article and I don't ever consciously manipulate my boyfriend... But...

...let's just say I realize that I could allow myself to be wrong sometimes, he could (and IS!) right sometimes and sometimes nobody is really right or wrong or better or worse. I'm learning a lot being in relationship with A and I'm grateful to him for reminding me always that he's doing the best he can.

Dear Rich Folks...

2009-04-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

Dearest Rich Folks,

I hope that this note finds you well and prosperous. Especially prosperous, because I would love to share in your prosperity. I am a hard working, educated thirty something. I have a great credit rating and have done all the things my parents and their generation said I should do...get an education, avoid bankruptcy, don't rely on other people for money/support...and I'm struggling. In fact, I would say that I am crippled by debt - unable to imagine a future without payments greater than my income.

I'm not in debt from frivolous living, but from getting said education. The vast majority of my debt is in the form of student loans with less than 10% in the form of a line of credit that I used to support myself during school and for the three months between jobs while attending school full time.

I don't know if you can imagine how that feels...? Maybe you were once poor or middle class? Or if you were born rich, maybe there is a similar but opposite burden? I'm generally a pretty optimistic person - not so optimistic that I play the lottery on a regular basis or anything, but optimistic enough that I keep avoiding bankruptcy, sticking to my budget and moving forward. But it's hard and I'd like to put it out there to the God, the Universe and those in possession of means greater than their needs that I am grateful for your help.

I am grateful for the means that you will provide to me directly, for the business you send my way (I am a small business owner), and for the legislation you will support that will allow more forgiveness of student loans and more reasonable cost of higher education for future generations.

Thanks again, rich folks, you rock.
The-B-Hive

The Key to Good Relationships is...Less Communicating?

2009-04-19T12:14:00.001-07:00

The other day, I told E, "We need to hang up - we're just making stuff up now." We weren't literally making things up, but we were making up things to talk about...bringing things up in the conversation that were inconsequential and irrelevant just to keep talking. E and I have been known to speak on the phone for hours at a time and often laugh about how much worse/better/more it was when we lived together - at that time, a quick bathroom break or a night of sleep would be just enough time apart to catch our breaths and come up with even more to talk about!

Lately, we've been having a harder time finding time to actually talk on the phone, so we've started leaving each other long voicemail messages...by long, I mean that the voicemail system actually cuts us off because we have "exceeded the time allowed..."

...and then we sometimes call right back and keep talking...

...for as many as 4 messages worth. That's about 20 minutes of voicemail. I like to blame E for this situation, because, let's face it, the girl can talk! But I am equally culpable for it and may, in fact, have started it, because I have a minimum 30 minute commute each way every day to work. I have tried to curtail this lately - I suggested we try emailing one another a couple of times a day instead - but you know it's gotten out of hand when you have to state that the RULE (as opposed to the exception thereto) is that you listen to one anther's messages when you can and that they are not important unless we text one another otherwise. The RULE is that our messages are not important. There's something wrong with that, right?

E's step mother once told her that "The key to any successful relationship is communication." Well, in addition to my original response, which was "No shit, Sherlock," I'd like to refer to the following:

Do Less communicating. Less talking, less yelling, less arguing, less emails and IM and Twittering, less phone calling. While I think communication is extremely important, and should be one of the keys to any relationship, I also think we do it too much. Especially as most of it becomes nothing but jabbering at each other, with very little actual listening. It is noise. Let silence into your life. Let stillness pervade our minds. When you do communicate, make it count, make it sincere, and more than you talk, listen. Make every email count. Only IM when it’s necessary. Spend less time on the phone and Twitter and Blackberry and iPhone, and more time with humans, more time with yourself, more time in the present.

[Emphasis mine.] This, from the Zen Habits blog, which I found by Googling "best blogs" and checking out Time's 2009 Top 25 Blogs. As they say in the film industry, "I have no notes." I cannot even think of what to add to that as it is a finer summary than I could come up with. And it fully expresses my opinion of Twittering - who wants to be Tweeted for God's sake with all the other electronic/media/noisy chatter filling up our lives already?! So, dear friends and readers, enjoy the silence.

Slowing Down...Small Sustainable Steps

2009-04-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

Seems like everything is slowing down these days. Even thought I'm adding new blogs regularly to my following list, there is less to read; even though I want to write all the time, I find myself only writing during my "office hours." Maybe since A accepted a new job, our frantic stress-pace is easing up. It feels good. Here's a quick update of the week gone by:

I didn't do all the cooking I planned on Sunday night, but spread it out over the week. Hoping to make the quiche Saturday night when I'm baking pizzas so that we can enjoy it Sunday and Monday morning.
Still making decisions about food and still working out great.
Watched movies every day for a week (see reviews in separate post)
Spent Wednesday night having a very weird girl's night out
Lost A Thursday and Friday night to boy's nights out - okay, I was invited along both nights, but wasn't feeling up to it, because...
A coworker passed away...sudden, shocking, sad...

And the days/week to come:

Having friends over for game night and pizza! :)
Going to Sunriver in Bend, OR for a quick getaway with A
A's family coming to stay with us for a few days then taking a family vacation to Lake Chelan, WA
A's parents staying a week after Lake Chelan and his mom is going to teach me many secrets in the kitchen

Too Many Movie Nights

2009-04-16T08:24:00.000-07:00

Watched too many movies for the last several days - and relearned how much I love a fun comedy. I may never need to watch another movie again!

Saturday: I Love You, Man @ CineMagic Theater
Dinner @ La Calaca Comelona. Loved the restaurant, food just okay, but I suspect the entrees are where it's at and will go again to verify. CineMagic's prices went up so it's now $6-something for a movie. When the multiplexes charge 2x that, I don't think I have room to complain, but I distinctly remember their movies being $3-4 before. :( Loved the movie and wondered if I shouldn't make it recommended viewing for men?

Sunday:Paul Blart, Mall Cop @ Grand Lodge
We also purchased Ghost Stories of Oregon because it features an entire chapter on McMenamins hauntings! Was surprised to enjoy this movie, but it's definitely got it's charm and that charm is Kevin James. How adorable.

Monday: Seven Pounds @ Home via RedBox Free Movie Mondays I would place this film into the categories of "Must See" and "Never Watch Again." It's a drama, so you know there's some depth to it, but I cannot say more without spoiling. A and I both cried our eyes out, though.

Tuesday: Bolt @ Home via RedBox Free Movie Mondays because with 2 debit or credit cards, why borrow just one? This movie was FUN! I saw previews on the plane when I was going to DC and was charmed because Bolt reminds me of Chibo. A, who wasn't planning on watching this with me, also saw it and liked this movie, too. Cute for the child or dog lover in all of us.

Wednesday: He's Just Not That Into You @ Academy Theater
Girls night out! Pizza from Flying Pie, great prices and good atmosphere. I want to say it's cleaner and more picturesque than the McMennamins Theaters for the same price. A coupon in the Chinook book gets you 2 for 1 and I promise you'll go back. And the movie...well, fun, but slightly disappointing. Somehow I wanted more. The cast is great and the story is good, but maybe I needed more plot and better dialogue? Could be my expectations as I was perfectly satisfied with Bolt and Paul Blart earlier this week.

Cooking Night

2009-04-12T15:39:00.000-07:00

I made a decision about a week ago: to start making decisions! During my recent trip to DC, E and I were sometimes paralyzed by everyone's lack of preferences and during the past 6 months living with A, the same thing happens on a fairly regular basis. I also recently read a list of tips for eating out - I think it was a weight loss article, but this tip was more about satisfaction - it said, "Order First." Apparently people who order their food first are often far more satisfied than other diners. I usually try to be the last person at the table to order, but no more.

And that goes for home, too. I decided that unless A made any specific requests, I would just decide what we're eating each night. Asking him hasn't given me any new information, ever, so I just took that step out and for the past week, I've found myself much more satisfied by the new process. Different nights this week, I decided:

what I was cooking for dinner
what we were getting for take out and from where
that we weren't eating dinner at all and could grab snacks if we get hungry
and that A could eat this and I'll grab something later

It is working out splendidly and tonight I've decided on an ambitious cooking list:

mushroom and zucchini quiche (for quick meals whenever)
sweet potato quesadillas with pepper jack cheese (for dinner)
raw chili rellenos with raw mole sauce and queso fundido (for yumm!)
dehydrated kale chips (for snacking)
dog food (for Chibo)

Here's to stress relief and expressions of love through cooking!

Prices Slashed

2009-04-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

On my way home from work, I noticed signs for sales the whole way. Fabric 25% Off! Massage $39/Hour. Going out of business, everything must go. Moving sale. There really is no denying that the economy is really affecting small businesses. As a new small business owner, I can attest to the fact that our business is not getting off to the booming start for which we were hoping and planning.

I personally alternate between being glad of the sales and wondering if this is what these businesses have to do just to keep their doors open and how bad is it really? For example, what is the original mark-up on fabric? If its a 2x mark up and it's all marked down by 25% that cuts profits on that fabric by 1/2, but it may be worth it for that proprietor to get some positive cash flow.

For service industries, like mine and the massage therapist who's price was 20$ less than most massage therapists I know, I wonder if the compromise is to take less and hope for higher volume. That is, after all, the system of insurance summarized.

Just musing on this. With a big tax refund on the way, I may want to take advantage of the deals/help out some small businesses...with my business.

The Best Intentions

2009-04-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Best intentions to get some studying done today. The very best, but here I sit at the cafe paralyzed. I've got my computer (maybe that's a mistake as it provides such ripe opportunity for procrastination), I've got my books and I've got myriad rude people around me answering their cell phones and having stupid and loud conversations that I care nothing about. What I don't have is 1. a plan, 2. a pen or pencil, 3. scrap paper/notebook or 4. a subscription to the practice test website that I should probably get.

As stated, I have the best of intentions, but it's hard to spend money I don't have to subscribe to this practice test website even though it comes highly recommended. And tomorrow is the free day again - they host a free day 1x per month so you can test out the site and see if you like it. For good or ill, it's always a Tuesday which means it's always a day I work at my clinic - when I first heard about this free day, I scheduled it into the calendar, but still had too much going on at work to use the site. When I finally got home, I forgot all about it.

Tomorrow I have a patient coming in, bills and book keeping to catch up on and a dog date immediately after work, so I'm not sure how well that's going to work out - even so, I'm not going to sign up today if tomorrow is free anyways. Stubborn - I have the best of intentions and I'm stubborn. Meeting A in about an hour and planning to help him with his interview prep and presentation - have been inspired by his focus and hard work, but inspiration does not seem to equal my getting anything done...

Okay, once more into the fray...if I can't get to my studies, at least I can get my personal bills caught up.

More Movies You Should NEVER Watch

2009-04-05T23:39:00.000-07:00

Great day today - worked my entire shift, only goofed off a little, good talk with a pal, good interaction with A, great gift from A (thanks for the ear rings!), first BBQ of the season. I made a corn and pepper salad with the Simplest Marinade by Raw Foods for Busy People that went over surprisingly well - so well that one of the other guests asked if she could take the leftovers home! Yeah!

Also had Trader Joe's masala patties which are so yummy. Got to introduce those to both A and another Indian friend of ours who is...skeptical of pretty much every word out of my mouth, but especially anything having to do with Indian food. They both loved them, though and now I'm feeling smug. Happy that A likes them, though, because they're sure to become a staple food.

After all that good food, everyone was feeling like watching a movie. After watching the trailer for Marley and Me several times during my recent flights, that sounded pretty good. Even with the warning that "oh yeah, this movie is really sad" and the obvious possibility that the dog will die at some point in the film (hard to miss since a lot of time passes during the film as evidenced by the growth of their children), I was unprepared.

Yes, the dog dies. And it's incredibly sad, because along with the dog dying, you see the family acknowledging that despite all of his antics, Marley was really a very good dog. I cried. A cried. I heard a few other sniffles from hear and there in the darkened room. It's also sad because it reminds you not only of all the pets you have lost, but all that you are going to lose. And because it makes you wonder if you're really doing everything you can to make sure your companion animals have a happy and healthy life. Well, it makes me wonder.

Since I'm supposed to be studying, I don't want to start down the list of memories about my relationships with animals and I can't handle thinking about losing my current companion dog, so I'll just close with the recommendation for filmmakers everywhere: Stop making your movies so damn sad - when they're that sad, we'll only watch them once! Like Nights in Rodanthe, I'll probably never be able to watch Marley and Me again. But maybe I can read the book...maybe.

I'm not stalking, I'm FOLLOWING

2009-04-05T08:18:00.001-07:00

I love following blogs - when Blogger made this feature available, I had no idea what a time saver it would prove. At that time, I was regularly reading maybe 3 blogs. As time goes on, that list grows - in part because I do seem to want my daily fix of other people's lives/observations/writing/recipes and in part because "following" makes it easy (that is, allows me to be a lazy reader). At present, I think I'm actively following 10 blogs - not many by blog reading standards, but a healthy amount from my busy B perspective.

I love that I can just log onto my own blog and see if anything new has come up. I don't have to click on my "favorites" list or type in the 10 URLs, I don't have to have fill my inbox with subscription feeds and I don't ever miss a post because the 10 I'm following aren't all everyday writers. I can log on and write my first scrambled thoughts of the day or my closing musings and catch myself up in minutes. Yes, I love following.

PS, DC, I love your timers

2009-04-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

In DC, while I was doing all that walking, I learned to love the timers associated with the pedestrian walk signs. When the sign clicks over to walk, a timer starts letting you know how long you have to get across the street. Very useful! If you just get to an intersection in my town, you don't know if the light just changed or is about to go red. When the timer gets to zero, the traffic light does change immediately to yellow and then red, though, so you do have to hustle if the numbers are in the single digits.

The Metro rail system also had timers in all the stations telling when the next train was coming, which was uber-convenient, too. I found these things especially useful as our hosts had few clocks and I didn't wear a watch the entire week. I really just ambled about with no real concept of the time and that was nice.

And even though I slept late every morning I was there, I somehow adjusted to the time there over the course of the week, because I'm knackered by 9 o'clock and have been waking up every day at 5am now that I'm back. That one hour extra in the morning is really annoying - I'm not actually awake enough to get up and do anything about it, but I'm awake enough to have a hard time falling back to sleep.

Interviews

2009-04-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

Had 2 interviews this week - no, A is the one who's getting laid off, I just decided to apply for a promotion. With all the uncertainty of his job position and where we might land if he gets an offer out of state (or country), I really should probably not have applied, but I was thinking that getting upgraded at my job might help, even a little, should he decide to stay on the closing crew and work through the bitter end.

So, two interviews for me this week, too. I had almost decided to call and cancel them both and say that I really am not interested, but was advised that that would look flaky and that I should go ahead with them. The benefits, I was told, would include: 1. practice interviewing and 2. making contacts. Seems that way, but I almost think a bad interview can make you look more flaky than just canceling it altogether.

I did learn a lot, from my first interview, especially, but I also found the exercise somewhat ill-timed, coming right on the heels of my vacation as they did. I don't know about the contact part of things, but I guess you never can anticipate when or how someone's good opinion of you will come into play. A perfect example of this occurred serendipitously when my coworker spoke with one of the managers I was applying to work with and gave me a glowing recommendation. I would never have thought she would or that that the opportunity for her to do so would arise. So, maybe meeting those folks will be practically useful one day in a way I can't anticipate.

Another way that this process may prove useful is that now my current managers know that I have aspiration and would like to move up in the company. My application may not be very strong considering that I am currently in a "clerk" position and there are a couple of other layers between clerk and the positions for which I applied. If nothing else, I feel like clarifying that point also creates the case where I can ask for more training and more responsibility.

The depressing thing about these interviews is that I don't think I will be offered either of the positions. My manager had explained the scenario surrounding one of the positions, so I knew that one was unlikely, but I did not expect that fact to be spelled out to me during my interview or to be spelled out to my coworker. (And I guess it's too much to ask that my application for that position be kept confidential, too?! I guess confidentiality is not a universal concept.)

On the other hand, maybe I should just be happy with my current job - my schedule just got shifted around to one that fits my life a whole lot better, I know my work, it's easy work and I get plenty of time to surf the web, catch up on my blogging and check my Facebook...yeah, I love office hours.

DC Day 6: Lunch Date, Dinner Date

2009-03-31T20:51:00.000-07:00

So today was date day on our travels - we had a lunch date with our hosts' sister which was really fun. She's a pile of sassy and invited us to meet her downtown for lunch at a pan Asian restaurant. I realized after we walked 2 miles to get there that part of my ...?...angst?...at walking everywhere is that I am a sweater, as in a person who sweats. This is not good for the walking around everywhere.

Not only does make up cease to function, but sometimes my clothes actually get a little damp and then there is rubbing. Yeah, not so fond of the walking everywhere in the city, except for the day that I defied the fashion industry by walking out in my yoga pants and sneakers. I don't know how I will reconcile the sweating and the walking if/when A and I move to a big city.

[On the subject of A, I realized tonight that despite multiple, almost daily telephone calls in both directions, I have not spoken with him for the duration of this trip and I find that somewhat alarming, though my hosts and travel companion assure me that if we were both trying, nothing is likely wrong. I do look forward to getting home tomorrow though and seeing both A and C! Traveling is fun, but I miss my home!]

I'm tempted to do likewise on the plane tomorrow - wear sweatpants and sneakers with a hoodie and pack the rest. The major thing holding me back is NOT wanting to look respectable, but rather that I have a new high maintenance purse that requires a better outfit as a back drop. I've never had a purse that was so nice that it came with another bag in which to store it! I do love this bag.

On the subject of bags, I started repacking mine tonight and learned that once again, I have packed too much. I would not have guessed about the walking, so I don't blame myself on the high heeled boots, but I also ended up wearing jeans the entire week, which I would not have predicted. I suppose as I develop my personal style, my wardrobe and my impervious shield to fashion trends, horrified stares from strangers and my own insecurity that I'll be an even better packer regardless of whence I'm bound. In the meantime, I'll probably just keep bringing everything that fits.

PS - The dinner date part was just that though we planned on going out for Ethiopian, we ended up having a pizza, playing a game and watching a video at home, which is like "date night" for me. It was nice and I'm glad to have a low key evening the night before traveling home. I just don't feel the need to squeeze in any other last minute activities.

DC Day 5: The Theater

2009-03-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

Went to Woolly Mammoth Theater tonight to see the preview of Ante Bellum. It was all very exciting, partly because our hosts are huge theater buffs and Woolly is the theater they volunteer with, but also because this was the premier stage performance of Ante Bellum. I'm asking my friends 100's of questions about their opinions on this performance and the play. I found it invigorating, thought-provoking and entertaining, but have little experience or exposure to the theater.

My friend is also involved in the making of this film, which he's hoping will really take off and I'm hoping will make it to P___ so that I can see it!

DC Days 3-4: Walking

2009-03-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

Lots more walking, talking and laughing. Good times. Very nonspecific activities - wondering if I would be having this good a time doing nothing at home? Missing A.

DC Day 2: Accidents Happen

2009-03-28T21:51:00.001-07:00

More walking.
Little blister.
A slip and fall.
We're all okay, though.

DC Day 1: Lovin' The Yellovater

2009-03-27T23:54:00.000-07:00

ENIRINDC. That is, E and I are in Washington, D.C. Wahoo! We just got here yesterday and it's already been quite the adventure. Neither E nor myself, nor our friends (S & P), nor many of our traveling companions on our flight, had ever experienced the de-icing process, but in Denver, we got to experience a full range of flight problems, waiting onboard for a couple of hours, deplaning, reboarding and de-icing among them. We did manage to get underway and on to D.C. where we've spent today walking, talking, walking, laughing, walking, drinking, eating, walking, laughing, laughing, walking, laughing.

We broke our fast at Busboys and Poets, a restaurant/cafe/bookstore dedicated to peace and named after Langston Hughes, a favorite poet of mine from old. I had a Fuji Apple and Gorgonzola sandwich on walnut bread with fig sauce and fries - the apples were sliced and stacked like lunch meat and it was delicious. E could probably have perused their small bookstore shelves for hours, but we decided to walk on.

A lot of walking around and looking at D.C., including a quick trip into the Islamic Center mosque. P insists that there must have been a sermon on spreading the faith, because we were stopped by one Muhammad who told us how we can and should go into the mosque, but also gave us a mini-lecture on sinning, including drinking, gambling and lying. The mosque was incredibly beautiful with tiled walls, stained glass windows and large carpets throughout. We ladies had to cover our hair before entering and it formed quite the habit for the evening as E and I continued to use our scarfs this way while walking around in a light D.C. drizzle.

More walking until we decided to go to a show and timing dictated that we stop for a quick bite. We did so at C__ where I had a delicious mac and cheese featuring asparagus and artisanal cheese. Yum, but I still graded it B- to B because the sauce was a little runny (and splashy!) and the portion was small, though enough, I'm sure. After that, we changed our mind about the show, opting for a short improv set instead of a three hour play.

On the way home, we decided to stop by the new local bar in S & P's neighborhood, which we originally thought was called "Truth, Love, Beauty," but which was really called "Policy." The bar was an interesting pastiche of wooden slat board, concrete, faux antique chandeliers, graffiti art, chain mail curtains and the color yellow which was used to light up both the entryway staircase and the elevator, hence the term "Yellovator" thanks for our new friend Eddy. Thanks Eddy.

Not the Boss of Me

2009-03-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

When I was little and my brothers and I would fight, we could often be heard shouting back and forth, "You're not the boss of me!" It's funny how this keeps coming up. People bossing me about is probably one of the things I dislike most in this world and it's still one of the things that causes me to react with old patterns and sometimes (often) to my own detriment.

At my clinic, one of my partners has pretty strong opinions and boundaries, resulting many times in the rest of us going along with his ideas. Whenever I complain about him, the complaint often includes reminding myself and whomever I'm speaking with that, "he's not my boss, he's my partner."

At home, I can't stand it when A tells me what to do, despite the fact that most of the time, I'm happy to help him and take care of him. The worst is when he rushes me - it's not just the rushing, but it's the being on his timeline.

Happily, at the market, I work with/for a new manager in a very egalitarian setting. In some ways, she very little like a boss/manager as she usually doesn't have to tell me what to do and rarely has to manage me. In fact, one day, she even told me she wished I were her boss! Not something you should ever say to your employees, but I took it as a compliment, nonetheless.

Well, today, another woman I work with asked me to do two things and it tripped my trigger. The first is something I do every Sunday, so she could have guessed I would be doing it any moment. The second involved making a change to the first. It bugged me because I felt like she was bossing me and also because her second request was incorrect - that is, she asked for me to do X when I really needed to do Y. Instead of telling me there was an xyz problem, she tried to tell me to do the solution as if she knew my job better than me.

I didn't do anything, I didn't say anything, but I am still feeling slightly bugged and it just reminds me of all the other "bossing" events that happen that make me feel bugged. I'm hoping writing will help me just let it go. Put it in a bubble and blow it away.

Must Be Nice...

2009-03-21T21:33:00.001-07:00

One many snarkish phrases that I've said more often than I would like in my life, "that must be nice" is one that has me thinking a lot lately. I'm sitting at a coffee shop with A. We're both doing research and writing presentations for our work. And a musician has just started playing.

And I thought, "wow, it must be nice to just write music and perform for work."

Revealing, no?

Lot of assumptions there - that writing music and performing it is easy or easier than other work, for one - but also a sad commentary on my own life. Must be nice implies must be nicer than what I am/do/have which relates to a level of dissatisfaction with what I am/do/have. And there is some (sometimes much) of that, but also there is a lot that I appreciate or even take for granted that someone else might "must be nice" me about.

I think one of the things that I realized when I thought "must be nice" about this singer is that it must be nice to be doing creative work that he loves. In between songs, this late 20's singer-songwriter revealed that he works at a movie theater and burned himself on some popcorn. Wow, that's not so nice. I wouldn't want to work at the movie theater and I bet they don't pay that well. But he's just doing what he needs to do to support himself while he does create.

And I hope I can remember that when I'm doing all the daily mundane tasks at my clinic or when I'm working my side job at the market - I'm doing all of this so that I can have the time and space and health to be present with my patients and help them on their healing journey, which is the creative, psycho-spiritual, energetic and physical work that I love and it's worth it. Just like it's worth him working at the movie theater and getting burned by popcorn when he has a beautiful voice and creative spirit.

Bragging Rights

2009-03-20T23:57:00.000-07:00

Went to a friend's house tonight for Wii and board games. Introduced friends to Wii Tetris Party. One fellow who arrived late came in and said, "who thinks they're better than me at Tetris?!" Without thinking, I yelled, "I do!" Usually I'm not such a braggart, but I lived up to it. Not only did I beat him several times, but in team battle mode, I went up against him and two other players at the same time and still beat them.

Not every time, but enough that I am still the reigning Tetris Queen B for now. Although I wouldn't mind finding someone who plays at or slightly higher than my level to make it interesting. Kind of like backgammon - it's no fun when you just smash the other person every time.

Relationship Building ... Thru Tetris?

2009-03-19T16:57:00.000-07:00

We got a couple of my old favorite video games for Wii - Dr. Mario and Tetris. They are both just like the classic games, but Tetris has a few other features that are pretty fun. In Wii Tetris Party, up to 4 people can play at a given time and there are lots of different competitions available. There is also a cooperative mode that A and I have been playing with mixed results. In this mode, both players get the long straight peice, but only one player gets all the squares, L's and J's and the other player gets all of the T's, S's and Z's.

We've found several ways that Cooperative Tetris is like a relationship:

1. Team building - We're working together to clear lines off the screen and that requires figuring out how we want to do certain things. Just like in our relationship when we're trying to accomplish something or just get along. We noticed that when we don't talk about our strategies, we don't do as well. Point taken, I hope.

2. Stress management - When the pieces start coming more quickly or if we make a mistake and things start stacking up, we find ourselves freaking out and sometimes even yelling at one another! Yeah, it's only a game, but think about it - when stresses start building up in a relationship, how do you cope?

3. Seeing the other's point of view. - Despite playing this game a lot, A and I have always played the same side - I've always had the Z's and S's and he's always had the L's and J's - until last night. After getting frustrated with me for always "coming over to his side," A decided we should switch roles and see how we did. I compared it to a role play like a counselor might suggest - he had no idea how hard it was to play with those pieces and understood my strategies and invasions into his territory so much better. And I got a window into why my coming over to his territory would be so annoying to him.

I don't necessarily think any counselors are going to be prescribing team Tetris for couples having trouble, but I do find myself surprised at the lessons from this unexpected source. Just another reminder that when the student is ready, the teacher will be there.

Inspiration x 2

2009-03-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

My partner has been studying for a certification exam for the last several months and today, he took it and passed it with a perfect score! I'm so proud of him and find myself feeling particularly inspired to get on with my own board exams.

Not only was his example inspiring, but I was also inspired by my own reaction to it. I was happy for him. Can you tell that I bolded that period? I'm stressing that because that was it - that was my reaction. I was just happy for him. Okay, that and proud of him and inspired. Not jealous, not guilty, not snarky, not sad, not taking it personal, just happy. And that's something kind of new for me.

After the fact, I kind of remembered, "oh yeah, I would normally take this really personally and be upset with myself" for not passing my board exam, for not studying enough for it then or now, for not having it scheduled or having a plan. But I saw that come up, after I'd already noted how happy I was for him, and I just let it go. I just chose not to have that reaction and to just be happy for him and inspired to get back on track with my own exam.

And this is the second time that something like this has happened. When I found out that my good friend was pregnant, something I'd been dreading for the pain I anticipated it causing me, I was also just happy. For her and her husband, of course, but also for me! I get to meet another new human being and potentially be a part of his or her life for a long time. Again, after the fact, I realized that I could feel some pain about this, but I just didn't want to. I wanted to be happy about it.

I had thought about using CHOOSE as my word for 2009, which would really have fit in well for this, but I do think that my dancing is helping me choose happiness, because I feel so good when I'm dancing that it does spill out into other arenas of my life. So, I'm going to keep choosing happiness and keep dancing.

Hello, Reader, This is The-B-Hive

2009-03-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

I didn't know that Cotillion was a class, but according to Wikipedia and King of the Hill, it is. Watching KOTH and Bobby trying out his newly learned manners on the phone got me wondering - does caller ID eliminate the need to identify one's self when making a call?

At first, I thought maybe it did - after all, you've got a pretty good chance to know who it is.... Doesn't seem that many people identify themselves when making calls anymore anyway and maybe that's because of caller ID - after all, it's not the latest invention.

After some thought, I think this is not such a positive development, though. At work, I have caller ID on my phone, so I can see from which phone someone is calling me, but I do not know who is calling and without them identifying themselves, I have to either ask who is calling or not care.

Because I share my phone with my manager, I usually pick up the phone and answer, "This is The-B-Hive." When I call someone, usually in response to a page, I also start by saying, "Hi, this is The-B-Hive, did you page?" Even at my clinic, if I intercom from one office to another, I quickly and briefly identify myself to the other person.

And it's not just at work, but even on personal phones, especially with the use of cell phones. I've both answered and made calls from my partner and my friends' phones and people will often simply start talking assuming that I am the owner of the cell phone without waiting for me to identify myself and without identifying themselves.

I haven't had any major misunderstandings or cases of mistaken identity from someone failing to identify themselves on the phone, but I think it's one of the niceties that keeps society lubricated and flowing smoothly, like most rules of etiquette.

Radio Head

2009-03-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

Since I got my new car in October, I've been so pleased to have a radio. At first, I listened to radio music a lot and was happy to hear some great tunes. Then I played a few cassette tapes that I hadn't listened to for ages, having no other cassette player. Then I got addicted to NPR - that, along with reading the paper during my breaks at work kept me pretty well in tune with the goings on locally, nationally and internationally. This winter, I was probably better informed than ever before in my life and could finally understand people who read several newspapers and watch the news (their reasoning, but probably still not all of their conversation).

At some point along the line, though, I remembered recorded books. I just finished listening to Barbara Kingsolver's The Bean Trees on CD and found it a delightful listen while driving to and from work. Light enough that I could focus on my driving, but a great story. The second recorded book I tried, The Thrall's Tale, was not as compelling and I find myself scanning stations and listening to NPR again and find that I'm out of touch! My partner blogged about the AIG bonus scandal before I'd even heard about the AIG bailout!

I'd like to be well-read and up to date with current events both, but it seems that there are not enough hours in the day!

How That Worked Out

2009-03-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

So here's how that all worked out:

Wash and put away all dishes, clean kitchen

Ran another load in dishwasher - still have a few left as well as last night's dinner dishes.

Pick up bathroom and wipe everything down

Picked up, but didn't wipe anything down.

Change sheets and vacuum bedroom

Had already changed sheets, wanted to change comforter and find more pillow cases. Didn't vacuum.

Pick up and organize office

Yes! Done.

Put away clothes (also in office and huge deterrent to working in there!)

Yes! Done.

Come up with a general outline for meals for the week

Not done, but we had a "whole bowl" for dinner and I could eat those for every meal!

Sunday Intentions

2009-03-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

I'm tired.

I didn't get enough sleep last night. Was out celebrating A's birthday early.

I didn't get enough sleep the night before. Was out helping a friend move (okay, watching A help a friend move) and playing Rock Band.

I am tired, but I'm still setting my intention to get a few things done this evening after work. When I start having Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday off from my market job (in 2 weeks), there is a very real risk that I will start Monday with a thorough house cleaning. Risk, because this is valuable time to get started on clinic projects and board studying and I don't want to be distracted by house work. So, I'm setting my intention to work with A to get our house picked up by Sunday evenings. Not just tonight, but every week.

When I first moved in, A cleaned the house thoroughly every weekend and I kept it picked up through the week, but we've fallen out of that habit and sometimes the dishes get pretty stacked up. No more. My intention for Sunday evenings is to:

Wash and put away all dishes, clean kitchen
Pick up bathroom and wipe everything down
Change sheets and vacuum bedroom
Pick up and organize office
Put away clothes (also in office and huge deterrent to working in there!)
Come up with a general outline for meals for the week

I'm hoping that with A's help, this will go fairly quickly and that if we do it every week, each week will require slightly less work. For example, if I put my clothes away every Sunday, there won't be 2 weeks worth of clean and dirty, tried on and discarded clothing to launder and/or put away every time. For that matter, the more things I try on and discard, the more my Goodwill bag should fill up!

I was just depressed to look around my office and see my study materials (which are currently on a folding table set up in an "L" with my desk for spread-out-ability) covered by misc other books, clothing and brick-a-brack, both my desk chair and my comfy chair buried in clothes, and both kitchen sinks full of dirty dishes, despite the 2 loads I ran in the dishwasher on Friday. (Luckily, two full sinks doesn't actually fill up the dishwasher, so empty and reload means done and done quickly tonight!)

This is all part of the Schedule Board Study Time plan - it's partly distraction, but also partly distraction avoidance. Will let you know how it goes.

Another One of Those Weeks

2009-03-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

It's another one of those weeks when I'm feeling swamped and like I keep thinking "I want to blog about that" and can't remember what it was a second later.

Even though I'm feeling swamped, I still feel pretty good. I'm beginning to realize that once I finish my board exam, this is what life could be like. I could have two days off per week to just mess about and recuperate. I could have my evenings free to do whatever I want. I could have energy to mess about and do whatever I want.

Right now it feels like adding studying for my final board exam always puts me over the edge. Just adding that one thing (which is really hours of that one thing) overtips my schedule and my energy such that I become whiny, bitchy, needy and overwrought. Watching A study for his certification exams has been somewhat inspiring, though, and I want to get back on that train.

I'm thinking I need to schedule in my study times again, in small blocks, almost every day. If I can take 1 practice test each evening and study for a good block on each of my days off or days that I get off work early, I think I could be ready in a couple of months. I guess if I can schedule in the gym, I can schedule in my studying.

Maybe just need to take a few of those Rock Band and Wii events off the calendar for a while. :)

Pat on the Back

2009-03-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

I give myself a little pat on the back today. First, I kept my plans from yesterday and ended up having a nice time chatting with friends. I think I was immediately rewarded for that: A and I stopped by Trader Joe's on the way home and picked up some yummies!

Second, when I woke up early this morning, I was still thinking about my gardening plans - no, nothing I have blogged about, probably ever, but something I've spent a bit of time thinking about this week - and had a bunch of ideas. Yesterday, A was not very receptive to the idea of helping me with the garden. I think (hope!) that it was because he was wiped out at that moment and not that he doesn't want to help ever. (Especially since he talked about doing the gardening if we ever open a BnB, which has been a dream of mine for a while now!)

So, instead of throwing all my early morning gardening plans at A, I kept them to myself and I think that's pat-worthy. It was hard not to bombard him with all my ideas, because in the end, it's actually about simplifying and I just want someone to hear and acknowledge my minor genius.

It's hard in general not to bombard him with my ideas - I am very aware of the areas in our home that could be re-organized or sorted or clutter cleared or cleaned - and I have lots of ideas about how to make our home more beautiful and functional, but I generally keep them to myself. I think when I have weekends off, it'll be easier to spend a short amount of time working on these kinds of projects together instead of trying to do them when we're both tired after work and looking for entertainment.

However, I think I'm going to keep working on this gardening idea - a few shady plants in the back yard, a couple of pots of veggies in the front - nothing too outrageous, but I don't like to see the desolate and untouched garden strip he made for me last year and I want to grow something that I can eat!

Hatinest Day

2009-03-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

I hate today even though we've only just met.

I have a love-hate relationship with daylight savings time (DST). I love the sun and think it's smart to save energy, but I hate this one day of every year when I lose an hour of sleep, usually without adequate warning or preparation. Spent last night with friends playing games and couldn't stop myself - we were just having too much fun. But on the way home when I realized it was as if it was already 2am, I knew I was going to be hurting today.

Note to self: Next year, spend the day before springing forward at home and go to bed EARLY.

Did that really happen?

2009-03-07T08:34:00.000-08:00

I used to have trouble telling dreams from my day world. I could fly until I was ten and got caught by a friend. Needless to say, when I approached her in my waking life and asked her not to tell anyone, she had no idea what I was talking about. That's when I realized there was a difference and sadly, that's when I stopped flying.

Last night, after dinner with friends and a single Perfect Cocktail (it really was perfection on ice), I started falling asleep in the car on the way home. I was so sleepy, but the transition between asleep in the car and getting into bed woke me up, as it usually does. My partner and I then had a conversation that I brought back up this morning, unsure if I'd fallen back to sleep in the middle of it or if we'd finished it. In any case, I thought reiterating my apology from the night before was appropriate.

But he didn't remember having that conversation. And this isn't the first time this has happened. I often feel like he's pulling my leg - like he remembers the conversation I'm referring to, but thinks it's funny to "not remember" or just doesn't want to talk about it. Or maybe he doesn't really remember - a couple weeks ago, the dog woke us up in the middle of the night barking at ghosts (I mean that literally) and we talked about it in the morning. That evening, he denied that we'd ever had that conversation or that we had just discussed him running into a mutual friend unexpectedly at the local market. He looked at me suspiciously and asked, "How do you know that?!"

I find this exhausting, but it also reminds me that night worlds have validity and reality, too. Maybe I should try to be more lucid in my dreams again? And maybe my partner and I shouldn't try to have conversations when one or both of us are falling asleep.

Goal: Baby Afghan

2009-03-03T08:58:00.000-08:00

After learning that my friend is pregnant, I immediately started looking up all kinds of craft projects for babies and pregnant moms. Unfortunately, my history with completing crochet projects is not great, but this 9 month deadline is a great motivator. I'm thinking of making her a couple of small things - a baby afghan, maybe a stuffed bear and there's a cute bear garland for the back of a chair or wall that shouldn't take long - but I decided that I have to finish the other two projects that I've started before I can buy the yarn for baby projects.

If I can't finish my other projects and her gifts by the time we do a baby shower, I'll pick her up some great organic baby products instead. Win-win. Then I wouldn't have a project lingering over my head to feel guilty about and an unfinished baby blanket that's too small when it's done. And if I do complete my mom's afghan (which I started in 2002!) and a baby blanket, I feed two birds with one seed!

Aunt Cookies

2009-03-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

My girl friend of 30 years is pregnant with her first child and I couldn't be happier for her.

I thought and worried that I would resent my friends getting pregnant (ever since I things changed such that I could not get pregnant) and I haven't attended a single baby shower in six years. But I don't resent her and I don't resent my situation. When she told me, my first response was joy. I was just so excited for her to have this experience and for this new person that is already so important to me.

I love children and have been surprised to find myself really attached to friends' babies. When I lost a close friend (to a falling out) a few years ago, it tripled my grief to lose my relationship with her two daughters. I had fantasized about being a great "aunt" to the girls and though I'm not really family, I hoped that they were distracted enough by the many other new things in the life not to feel that I left or abandoned them.

Maybe because my partner and I are continuing to move ever closer to adopting our own child, I'm losing my grief and resentment about my own situation and just getting more excited about the future joys of being a parent that I can share in the excitement of my friends. In any event, I'm happy for my friend and look forward to meeting this new person. And to seeing how my friend of 30 years evolves as a person and a parent in the next 30.

Just. Keep. Breathing.

2009-03-01T14:50:00.000-08:00

In my dance class, as in life, I keep breathing. I may not be breathing particularly well, but with or without my own volition, I'm going to keep doing it, breathing, that is. In addition to own particular brand of crazy, my life has been affected a lot lately by the relatively recent development of roller coaster ups and downs in my partner.

We were planning a vacation to Hawaii UP
but we decided to cancel, because of the layoff DOWN and DOWN
We might move somewhere exciting like Phoenix or China UP
but we might move somewhere really cold where I'm not licensable DOWN
We'll still take a vacation UP
but we'll probably go to a ski resort DOWN (I don't ski, I hate snow and I hate being cold)
Let's go out to dinner UP
but he doesn't know where he wants to go or what he wants to eat DOWN

Yesterday after work, I just felt wiped out and I couldn't figure out why. It was easy to point to a few proximal causes, but I think it's ultimately that there is just a friggin' lot going on at the moment. Every reason I state is true, but there is more underlying - I'm just exhausted. I wish I could say that I'm looking forward to getting some rest this week, but I'm working an extra day, so I won't actually get any time off until Friday, so I guess I'll just keep breathing, count to 10 and try to make it to the end of the week.

Trying It On

2009-02-21T08:41:00.001-08:00

So my partner recently was given notice that he's going to be laid off from work. For various reasons, including the extreme discrepancies in our salaries and the possibility of him taking a huge paycut if we stay where we are, we're considering moving together somewhere else where he can continue with his company and maintain his salary. I never thought I would be the kind of woman who moved house with her man to further his career, so this is a bit hard for me to swallow. On the other hand, I also know that if anyone is going to start over, it makes sense for me to do so, since I'm just at the beginning of my career.

I've been mentally trying on the various places that we could move and finding it somewhat exciting and sometimes very appealing. For example, there is a chance we could move to Phoenix, AZ. Every morning when I go outside and have to scrape the frost off my car windows, this appeals to me more and more. Coming from Michigan, my first few winters here in the Pacific Northwest were nothing, but it's been almost ten years and now this feels cold to me.

In one Phoenix scenario, we would only be there temporarily and would probably live in a friend's vacant home. In that scenario, I think about working at the local food co-op or doing some menial data entry job or even teaching, but having a regular schedule and weekends off with A. Sounds lovely, no? If we stayed more permanently, I would pursue my license and establish myself as a solo practitioner - and I imagine my space and my practice being smaller and simpler, more in line with the vision I've always held. Much more about acupuncture and hands on healing. In Phoenix, we'd have a pool and it would always be warm enough outside for Chibo and I. Either way, I have grown to love the idea of moving to Phoenix.

Another option is leaving the company and moving to Chicago, where A's parents live. My family would be a short drive or commuter flight away, which is incredibly appealing, but it's SO COLD. After thinking of Phoenix, the Midwest loses much of it's appeal. My career would probably take off there, though, due to the dearth of available practitioners and I could help my mom much more regularly. Hell, I could even stay there part of the week and work up the street where some family friends have a healing center. I can talk myself into it, but it's not really what I want.

There is also the possibility of moving to New England, where A's sister and extended family lives. If we moved there, his parents would probably follow which would consolidate his family nicely, however, I think there is little or no appeal for my mother in New England, though I would at least be closer. Cold, cold, snowy and icy winters, though. But I enjoyed New England thoroughly when I visited last October and have many friends in that area. I guess I could probably make the best of that situation as well, though, again, it wouldn't be my first choice.

The last and somewhat distant option is a recycling of the old idea of moving to China for a few years. If we moved to China, I would either not be able to work or just teach English, but I would hope to find someone with whom to further my studies in Chinese medicine and have even thought about offering my services through the company to the American employees. On the other hand, if I wasn't working, I would be able to get the rest I so desperately need, could practice my Qigong and Taiji regularly and would be able to prepare healthy meals for A and I and have more energy to go adventuring when he was free from his work obligations.

The spirit of adventure that comes up for me with the options of Arizona and China comes up for the other places as well and come summer, I might find them more appealing, but with spring still far away and more mornings of scraping my car off ahead of me, anything cold is less appealing. In any event, I've advised A to apply for anything he thinks and we'll decide when there is an offer on the table - I may regret that advice when he starts getting offers, but in the meantime I can dream of adventure, make my pro's and con's lists and bundle up to keep warm.

I ♥ Blogging

2009-02-20T08:16:00.000-08:00

Seems like forever since I wrote, but I've been thinking about writing all week. It's only come to my attention recently that I LOVE blogging. I love writing, I love reading others' blogs, I love creating links in my blogs to the things that made me think this or that and I love formatting it so it looks nice. Oh, and I love adding pictures (and videos!). I got a little overwhelmed for a while because I had multiple blogs: this blog,another Blogspot blog for work, a LiveJournal blog for me and one for Chibo, a blog on a social networking site for my other job, plus, MySpace and FaceBook which don't require blogging, but support it.

I started thinking of compartmentalizing different topics onto the different blog spaces and keeping my identity separate and secret in different places. For this blog, I will continue to keep my identity unrecorded, mostly so that my patients don't stumble upon my random ramblings, but I also feel like, even and maybe especially when I write about things that are near and dear to my heart, I don't mind and maybe even want my community to read what's happening. I guess that's the appeal of LiveJournal - A's become good friends with many of the folks on LJ and he writes without censoring himself and there must be some comfort in that.

Now I grant you that it happens that I don't vent here about anyone that I know is reading, so if I gave my blog address to another 10 friends, there would be another 10 friends that I could rant about, but really, when do I rant about them now? And would it really be so scary for them to read that I adored Twilight or cried my eyes out after Nights in Rodanthe?

Tender Heart

2009-02-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

It's been a movie watching week and my heart can't handle anymore good movies! Twilight finally hit the second run theaters, so we went to see that. I was a bit immune to the buzz around it, but had read about the tourism in Forks since the books and movie, so I knew it was a bit of a craze. I'd seen the previews and knew that the actors and actresses were lovely. I even knew the basics of the story - vampire romance. Recently reading the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series (which I have referred to as the 'adult' Twilight) prepared me somewhat, but not enough.

Some confluence of stars has created an entirely amazing love story in this movie. My chest actually hurt for two days after watching it, because the love was so strong, so intense. I really cannot say more, because I could be easily moved to tears just thinking of it. I probably won't have this same reaction if/when I watch the movie again - I can just vaguely remember other movies I've had strong feelings and reactions to never being as good or as strong the next time around. But I loved it. Brava, film makers and actors, brava. Of course, I wanted the book immediately and A indulged me by picking me up a copy. I read it and enjoyed it, but -- and this is RARE -- I enjoyed the film more.

(On a side note, my friend R recently watched the film as well and she had the same reaction - I think we could easily end up 30-something Twilight junkies!)

A few days later, A brought home a movie for me that I've been wanting to watch, Nights in Rodanthe. The previews show Diane Lane and Richard Gere laughing on the beach together and everything seems really soft focus, so I imagined a sweet love story...and got warm and fuzzy as that developed onscreen until the shocking plot twist stripped away all illusions I ever had that life works out. Now, if you know me, you know that I don't cry often, easily or at all gracefully. This movie reduced me to a pile of blubbering mush. I cried from the plot twist through the end of the film and for at least another hour, harsh, sobbing, wracking cried that left my face red, my eyes shining and my nose raw.

Maybe my heart is too tender for these films and I should stick to slap stick comedy.

Napkin Rings and Finger Bowls

2009-02-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

Not ~~just~~ for your fancy dinner parties.

In my reading of etiquette books, I came across a couple of items, the use of which has been relegated to fancy dinners or upper crust dining in general, but which could and should be rekindled among the common folks: napkin rings and finger bowls. I found a kindred spirit today when I pointed out some napkins and tablecloths on sale to a coworker. We got to talking about napkins and napkin rings.

Napkin rings were historically used more commonly for the everyday at home dining and not used when setting a formal table. That trend seems to be reversed now and the well-dressed table has simple to ornate matching napkin rings at every place setting. Napkins rings, it turns out, when not matched, are a great way to differentiate which napkin belongs to which diner when reusing the napkin for more than one meal. I mentioned this to my friend and she remembered her parents doing that and had just been thinking of that as she was tired of washing so many apparently clean table linens.

Finger bowls are similarly considered upper crust, but usually formal meals are created to minimize the risk of mess and one does not eat with one's hands at such. On the contrary, informal family dining is more likely the place where a finger bowl would be more useful. So, if you should come to dine at my house and notice finger bowls and mismatched napkin rings on the table, please don't assume that I'm confused about my table settings - I'm just trying to keep all our hands clean!

And the other extreme

2009-02-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, and I have another friend who doesn't have internet at home and only checks her email a couple times a week at work. I was thinking about her with admiration (though I often get frustrated by this) the other day and even thought about getting rid of my cell phone. Not sure I'm ready to go that far, but even the thought tells me I shouldn't get an iPhone or a Blackberry at this time.

Wasting Time Online

2009-02-08T08:27:00.001-08:00

I thought it was funny a few weeks ago when I read that my friend comes home every day and checks her email and her Facebook. I was feeling just a little superior that she's so locked to the internet, the assumption being that I am more free from it. That assumption would be false. Now that I've opened my Facebook account and have established connections with 300+ people, I too check my Facebook account regularly, despite having set my account to email me with events of import and the ability of my friends and connections to email me directly should anything need immediate attention. This draw to Facebook has made me aware once again of all the sites that I visit regularly and the ways that it's so easy to waste time online.

Yesterday, for example, I came home expecting A to be overjoyed to see me and to demand all my attention the minute I walked in the door. This wasn't what I wanted as I had been pretty busy at work and needed some transition time. Well, never doubt your powers of manifesting your reality, because A was busily involved in a new game on the Wii and didn't demand any attention. When I found myself seeking something, anything, to entertain myself with online, I decided to head to the gym.

So, what do I look at online? In addition to an irregular MSN.com habit which often falls into MSNBC in pictures (they have some great photo collections), I also

Check 4 email accounts (1 regular, 1 junk, 2 work)
Log onto 2 Blogspot accounts - used to follow several blogs as well
Use 2 Livejournal accounts, used mostly for reading A and other friends' blogs
Read Christine Kane's blog
Track my food and exercise with an online tool
Network with Facebook, Linked In, occasionally MySpace and a work related social networking site
Organize social activities with Meetin.org
Do random searches - most recently photos and style notes on Jackie O and photos and biography of Sting

When there is nothing of interest in any of those, I KNOW I'm just wasting time, but I think sometimes that I'm wasting time even if I've gone past a couple of those in a day. For example, this post - it's really just wasting time, of course, procrastinating from starting work for the day. Well, I guess since it's barely 9am and I've already done 5 of the above, I'd better get on with it.